Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

FORUMS > Addiction
Replying to Topic: addiction to people?
Created On 9/11/11 2:46 PM by chocnpeanutbutter


Username:
Password:

Remember my login


[ Forget your login information? | Join the forums ]




chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/11/11 2:46 PM
User is offline

I'm not sure how to say this but sometimes I get addicted to (or maybe it's obsessed with) a person. that's actually how my whole problem started back in high school. any time it happens I get so bad that I can't function. guys, this is so hard for me to write, help me out? ok, listen, I'm a girl and it usually happens with females. That scares me (I can't spell it out, but figure it out), although my therapist said she's not worried about that.


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.

Edited: 9/11/11 at 2:47 PM by chocnpeanutbutter
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/11/11 3:07 PM
User is offline

I think this might be the root of my problem but I just can't clear it up and it's been sooo long. I remember in high school my principal told me it is so common, but I have yet to meet someone who would talk to me about it. Anyone?


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/11/11 7:30 PM
User is offline

totally know what you mean and it is common, but obviously not normal, probably related to your relationship with your mother. a good therapist should be able to help you resolve that.


Edited: 9/11/11 at 7:32 PM by wishtobehappy
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



hugs
Senior Supporter

Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2009

9/11/11 7:47 PM
User is offline

I have this problem too and I did some research into borderline after I was diagnosed with it and one of the symptoms (I think) is an obsession with people. Don't know if that helps you at all though. Gluck!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

9/11/11 7:54 PM
User is offline View users profile

omg!!! i always have this and its crazy!!! but it not only girls with me... its really a borderline symptom? how do i know if im borderline? my docs never said i am...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/11/11 8:44 PM
User is offline

if you SI you probably are, some docs are not too familiar with it.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Ineedspace
Supporter

Posts: 106
Joined: Aug 2011

9/11/11 10:59 PM
User is offline

Perhaps you suffered some forms of abandonment earlier in life and that left an effect on you. You find a friend, a confidant, and your subconscious warns you that you might lose this person too, so you feel insecure now. You become obsessed and clingy, as if you're preventing her from leaving you. But your very obsession and "addiction", how you call it, might suffocate the friendship and push the other person away. There is nothing wrong with you. It's simply due to some underlying issues and with the help of a therapist you should be able to explore inside of you and get to the core of it and hopefully learn new ways to build and trust relationships. Keep us posted.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/12/11 1:59 PM
User is offline

What is SI?
ineedspace - it's actually completely different. Not that I'm afraid to lose them but that as soon as I find someone I like (it's always someone older than me), I completely lose the ability to be myself around them, or if I am able to fake it, all I worry about is whether i will be able to be myself the next time I see them. Also, it's usually not someone that is so possible to have a really close relationship with, but I always want it to be reeeaaally close and obsess over that too.
Basically, when I like someone, I actually try to make them think I don't like them.


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.

Edited: 9/12/11 at 4:36 PM by chocnpeanutbutter
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/12/11 3:45 PM
User is offline

SI=self injury, I used to be the exact same way as you describe, it could definitely be worked on, I suggest bringing it up with your therapist. btw, you sound like a really sensitive person and with the right tools could go on to help others.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/12/11 4:38 PM
User is offline

Before I edited my last message I wrote 'make them think I don't like me', if anyone read that I meant 'make them think I don't like them'.


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.

Edited: 9/12/11 at 4:38 PM by chocnpeanutbutter
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/12/11 4:44 PM
User is offline

My therapist knows and has known for over a year and still no progress in that area. It happens less often, but when it does happen I don't know how to deal with it, and don't understand it.
wishtobehappy - you really also unconsciously try to push people away while you try to bring them closer? (or maybe you misunderstood because of my typo). If this is what you meant, do you know a possible cause of why someone would do such a thing?
and thanx for the compliment, made me happyI actually hope to have a career in psych.


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/12/11 5:16 PM
User is offline

yes I'm the same and also have an extremely hard time getting attached to people, by me it's trust, it's part of borderline symptoms, but getting better, as I said, it's probably related to an insecure attatchment when you were younger, and as Ineedspace mentioned, possibly involving abuse and neglect.
you'll make a great therapist, go for it.


Edited: 9/12/11 at 5:18 PM by wishtobehappy
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/12/11 5:29 PM
User is offline

how long did it take you to work it through? should i be worried that it's over a year since i came to my therapist with this problem and IT IS STILL HERE? (Although those first few months i spent getting over a trauma that had just happened, except it was related to this problem, so something should have been worked out already! (basically someone took advantage of my obsession with her to meet her own twisted needs). Since I started therapy, I've been obsessed with no less than 4 people at different times.


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/12/11 6:17 PM
User is offline

sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience, I don't think we have the exact same issues though, I get obsessed in my mind, but don't show it, so I couldn't really be taken advantage of in such a way... anyway, I wouldn't say I'm completely over it, but definitely better, if you're in therapy for a year and working on this specific issue, you should be seeing some difference, unless you're working on different issues first, or unless your t is not too familiar with borderline tendencies... hope you feel better soon, stay strong.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Ineedspace
Supporter

Posts: 106
Joined: Aug 2011

9/12/11 9:04 PM
User is offline

Chocandp...yes, it makes sense that after a year of therapy the issue still exists. Therapy is a long and gradual process. From what you're sharing it sounds like you push these people away for FEAR OF REJECTION. You may not even be aware, but possibly you suffered from rejection at a very young age and YOU WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN, and so you reject them before you can ever god forbid feel rejected again. And you're saying its usually some1 older. Perhaps what you're looking for is a parent figure? I'm not sure, It's my own assumption. It may be that little child in you still looking for that adult who has possibly rejected you in the past. This is a very deep and painful feeling; wanting to be close, accepted, and loved yet pushing them away. And about being yourself, perhaps growing up you HAD to be someone else in order to be loved and you developed that self-fulfilling prophecy about yourself?? ...it's hard...difficult...wish I can be more helpful. I can only assure you that with the help of your T, you will get better. Love yourself, accept yourself, respect yourself, and so will others.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

9/16/11 2:51 PM
User is offline View users profile

your ideas all make sence. i think im going to my pdoc soon, maybe ill be brave enough to bring it up...
also abt pushing away
"sometimes we put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to knock them down" thats why i cling/push away... it took me ahile to realize it, but i did..
what are symptoms of borderline?
also , therapy is not a magic cure.. you have to activly participate and work at it. but if you are trying, maybe talk to your T abt it.. sometimes getting better is that your NOT Getting worse, wich sounds good, ya?

hang on tight everyone! its a bumpy ride!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/18/11 1:36 PM
User is offline

Here are links for the symptoms of borderline. I hope this helps.
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/tc/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/symptoms-of-borderline-personality-disorder/
You should still speak to your doc/therapist about it, because they know you personally. Good luck!


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.

Edited: 9/18/11 at 1:41 PM by chocnpeanutbutter
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



chocnpeanutbutter
Supporter

Posts: 103
Joined: Sep 2011

9/18/11 2:18 PM
User is offline

I think I'm different from you guys, cuz I only try to push away the person that I am obsessed with. With everyone else, it's fine. Also, the person usually doesn't know about it, just that this person got lucky when she made her move, because I was already obsessed with her and let her do what she wanted!
And also, I feel a lot of pain, because I feel guilty that I'm having such thoughts about someone. Basically I'm scared I'm partially lesbian. I hinted at this in my first post, but no one commented on it, so I'm saying it straight out. It could be I push them away because i think i'm doing something bad by liking them. And I don't talk to boys, so I don't really know what s*xual feelings are like. I have no idea if what i'm feeling is that I want to confide in them, hug them, or .... more? Maybe it's a combination of both, but I can't separate out the regular from the not regular.
My t said it's definitely not borderline, and I trust her on that. I guess it can happen as it's own separate thing. Thanx for listening - I know you can't actually help me like a therapist, but for me this is better than therapy. In therapy, I often sit there for a while just not being able to talk, which is really hard. Here, i can write without being scared that I will be judged, so I can just write freely, no getting stuck, what a relief. Hey, I have an idea for a signature....


-------------------------
Don't judge me, and I won't judge you.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/18/11 2:41 PM
User is offline

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you, just because you have these feelings doesn't mean you're lesbian, as you said, you didn't even give a boy a chance yet, some people lack the basic nurturing we're supposed to receive from our mothers and this can manifest as a desire to connect to an older a woman, a mother figure so to speak.. that's my humble opinion at least...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

9/18/11 2:43 PM
User is offline

...and don't worry about being judged, I for one have my own embarrassing issues as do most of us here...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

FORUMS > Addiction

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.