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FORUMS > Addiction
Replying to Topic: Pornography Addiction
Created On 5/2/06 10:07 AM by luvshtygen


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luvshtygen
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5/2/06 10:07 AM
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This forum is for people who have a pornography addiction and want to stop but cannot. It includes internet pornography and other types of activities.
 
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gad
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5/2/06 8:26 PM
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One suggestion that I heard about is to have a buddy monitor the history button. What do you think?
 
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luvshtygen
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5/3/06 12:44 AM
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Someone who is addicted to pornography will find any way to get his fix. That doesn't help. He will just delete the history when he is done. If someone has this addiction, I would be glad to talk to them.
 
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gad
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5/3/06 1:30 PM
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A technical question: If someone erases the history, would the other person know that it was erased? If so, he can then confront him and ask him why he erased the history. This could serve as an incentive.
 
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az
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5/3/06 2:36 PM
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In my humble opinion, ''solutions'' such as monitoring, confronting, etc. do not address the underlying issues that fuel this or any other type of addiction. Unresolved psychological/emotional issues have a way of begging for comfort whether through an eating addiction, porn addiction, among many other addictions. The underlying psychic pain needs to be confronted and worked through. And the person's gotta do it himself/herself. Y'cant do it for him/her. It's certainly helpful to support them, but policing them ain't the solution. I'm no psychologist, I merely speak from my own experience and education. A porn addiction, like any other addiction, has its roots in deeper unresolved issues. Find the courage to speak to a competent mental health professional and hatzlacha raba to you!

az
 
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gad
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5/4/06 4:31 PM
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az,
Thanks for you input, it makes alot of sense.
As for your wish for success with this, we are just talking about ways to help others. Boruch Hashem we don't have the problem ourselves.
But thank you anyway for your good wishes, and again for your good advice.
 
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luvshtygen
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5/6/06 10:34 PM
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I do have this addiction and I have gotten help and I am part of a very good support group. It is very healthy to admit to an issue. It is the first step towards recovery.
 
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luvshtygen
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5/6/06 10:36 PM
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You can delete just the parts of the history that you want and the person monitoring will never know. There are different programs that you can install for free (WE-BLOCKER) that monitors all the traffic. That you cannot erase without the master password.
 
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frumtherapist
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5/6/06 11:40 PM
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I think it is great that a new thread on this topic was begun. Computer, internet, and specifically internet porn addiction is a massively growing problem in our communities.
Regarding a comment that was made, I would like to share...
Programs such as monitoring your internet use via a buddy CAN help, so long as your intent is to do something "curative" for your problem. In other words, if parents think their teen child has an internet problem, and they install such a program as a means of monitoring, it is highly likely to be ineffective. However, if the person who is struggling is invested on working on this problem, and utilizes such a program, it can be an additional, effective tool for a recovery process.
I would also like to add that addictions such as gambling, s--, and internet are known as "process" addictions, as opposed to substance addictions, yet are no less damaging and dangerous. If somebody feels like they have a habit that had spiralled out of control and is causing them harm in some way, they should seek out competent ADDICTION therapists for an assessment and assistance.
 
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gad
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5/7/06 10:01 AM
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To Luvshtygen,
Thank you for the information.
It's very commendable that you are reaching out to try to help others. It's a nice Mitzvah.
Hatzlocho.
 
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gad
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5/7/06 10:19 AM
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To Frumtherapist,

Thanks for the explanation. It gives alot of clarity.

Yasher koach for all the good work you are doing helping people.

I suppose the ultimate cleansing of the internet will take place when Moshiach comes and "Vies rucah hatumah avir min horetz" (I will remove the spirit (cyberspace?) of impurity from the land.)

Maybe this will happen due to the efforts of people like you (both curative and preventive) and also due to a general awareness about G-d ("Umoloh horetz deah es Hashem.")

Again yasher koach and hatzlocho in these efforts.
 
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helpushelpthem
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5/7/06 3:45 PM
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Any pointers as to how to confront someone who is addicted but not willing to admit it? How can a spouse get their other half to realize the problem as solvable, so that divorce is not the next logical step?

 
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gad
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5/7/06 4:39 PM
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Probably by contacting someone like Frumtherapist, someone who is a trained professional and has experience and a good track record in dealing with this.

You can contact Relief at www.reliefhelp.org 718-431-9501
(They can probably guide you as to how one spouse can talk to the other in a constructive way.)

Two other suggestions are contacting Ohel, and Echo.

Hatzlocho


Edited: 5/7/06 at 4:49 PM by gad
 
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waiting
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5/7/06 5:08 PM
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Hello Helpus

Pornography is just one aspect of s-- addiction. S-- addiction is serious and needs the desire of the addict to be helped and professional attention in order for the help to be truly effective.

I would recommend contacting a professional on your own in order to get direction for yourself and your family. The therapist can help you to understand the problem, explore ways of dealing with it and confrontation if that is determined as effective. Additionaly, and perhaps most importantly, the professional can help you to free yourself from enabling or feeding into the addiction or addict, and allowing it to take over and control your life.

From personal experience, I know that this is a tough addiction to live and cope with.


Hatzlachah Rabbah!




Edited: 5/7/06 at 5:09 PM by waiting
 
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luvshtygen
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5/7/06 10:49 PM
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A therapist is a must to help the addiction. Besides a therapist, you need to be part of a support group. There are support groups for this addiction all over the place. You would be surprised how many Jewish people are there. The way to see is to come to a meeting and see for yourself. I didn't think I was addicted until I went to a meeting and heard everyone else talking. If someone is not sure if they are addicted to s--, or pornography I urge them to swing by a meeting. If anyone needs help finding one, please say so and I will help them. I am talking from experience.
 
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frumtherapist
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5/8/06 12:45 PM
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I also think it is important to understand that s.. addiction can take many forms. Someone may be acting out solely through the internet...
As with any other addiction, s.. addiction is progressive - which means, over time, as the person continues to engage in the behaviors, the problem grows and develops. An addiction specialist can help the addict and family members see and understand the exact nature of the individual's progression.
 
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luvshtygen
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5/9/06 12:54 AM
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A therapist will help but the person in the meantime needs to be with other s--aholics in order to work as a team and have a support group to talk honostly and truthfully in order for that person to be true to himself. A s--aholic will still lie to his therapist and family and say whatever needs to be said to "get them off his back". In a support group, there is no need to lie. It is all honosty. He is understood and feels that. He is able to work on himself because he sees other people in front of him suffering from the same addiction and that the support program and 12 step program works. He needs to be in an environment where he can talk out his inner secrets and get the lust and thoughts out of his head.
 
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luvshtygen
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5/9/06 1:05 AM
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If anyone would like to talk about this addiction or to find out where the closest support group is to you, you can email me on my private email address. The email address is sxaddict@optonline.com.
 
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Debbi
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5/9/06 2:17 PM
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I have been reading here and trying to be understanding about the fact that looking at porn and/or engaging in other Sxual activities is being conveyed as an addiction. From the posts I have read, it feels almost as though a person who is addicted to pornography is on a similar standing as someone who cannot stop drinking alchohol.

I feel that on some level this is a rather disconcerting parallel.
If a person is an alchoholic, he systematically destroys his own body.
What kind of destruction is a person who is veiwing porn, doing to himself? (besides destroying his neshomo) Often porn films and pictures are being done by people who are being forced to expose themselves in this manner, and sometimes even abused. Lo Aleinu, I won't even mention child porn.

I guess what I am trying to convey is that I feel that the term "addict" is a way out of a certain responsibility. Once it has become an addiction, then one's responsibilty is reduced aswell as the consequences of this kind of addiction. Is the person Chas V'esholom abusing or using someone else to feed his "addiction"?

Even though I have strong feelings about this whole subject, I would however like to commend all of you who write here, for confronting your problem, and more so, of being aware of its enormity.

"helpushelpthem" I urge you to talk to a proffesional to talk about your spouse, and find the help you both need.

"Waiting" I completely agree with you, when you say that the "addict" has to want to be helped, because otherwise dont you think that his addiction could unwittingly turn into abuse?

debbi
 
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luvshtygen
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5/9/06 4:35 PM
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Debbi, porn is an addiction. I had 4 friends that died from porn addiction. It became not enough to fill their addiction and went to worse things to fill their void. 2 of them died of aids and 2 died from commiting suicide after losing their family and their job from this addiction. THIS IS A SERIOUS ADDICTION!!
 
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