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FORUMS > Depression
Replying to Topic: Desperate
Created On 7/27/15 6:00 PM by Shver


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Shver
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7/27/15 6:00 PM
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My anxiety level has substantially increased and I feel like I have
nowhere to turn. Tisha B'Av was very difficult. I could not eat very much after
the fast. Tomorrow is my mother's Yahrzeit and I usually fast.
Now I have no appetite for supper and I am very afraid.

I know not fasting is in option but that would just make me more depressed if I don't fast.
It really got bad this morning due to some of my silly magical thinking.
I can't give all the details in public but I had to give a Daf yomi shiur.
A certain person handed the wrong Gemara but this particular Mesechta I took as a very bad omen
and associated it with my OCD thoughts.

Sorry, if I am not making any sense.
Any advice, feedback etc. would be appreciated.

 
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keep climbing
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7/27/15 8:35 PM
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Sorry to hear that you are struggling, Shver.
I know that it must be really hard to not fast on the yahrzeit, but your health comes first. I'm sure your mother will understand and want you to take care of yourself.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Btw, I had to break my fast on Tisha B'Av. I really wasn't feeling well. And it's not the first time either. Not by any stretch.
 
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Shver
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7/28/15 3:15 PM
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I am feeling a little better emotionally.
So far, I am still fasting. I may leave work early and go lay down
since I am tired and a bit weak.
 
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TBear
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7/28/15 10:38 PM
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Take care of yourself -

I do get the idea of feeling more depressed if I don't fast, but sometimes the emotional and physical health comes first. I spoke with my Rav before Tisha B'Av and because of the triggers and some physical problems I had earlier in the week - he forbade me to fast.....(I was so upset) he said i could go easy - like simply water and dry cheerios ..... I felt so guilty though, at first- but was actually able to connect more with the day....

Your health is important - and speaking as a Mom.... I wouldn't want one of my children to fast on my yahrtzeit, if it would be harmful emotionally or physically.

The spiritual connection in davening, mitzvos in her zechus and recalling memories of her is also important. If fasting takes away from those - I would reconsider - or ask a Rav :-)

All the best
 
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Shver
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7/29/15 9:18 PM
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Thank you for your kind words.

Yesterday, I went the shul in the morning with intention of talking to the Rav about
being Mattir Neder for the fast. He had gone on vacation So once I fasted until the
end of work, I decided to just finish the day.
It was tiring but not emotionally draining.
 
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Shver
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8/12/15 10:23 AM
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I am having another feeling of desperation and I don't know where to turn.
Very high anxiety and I am hoping posting here can bring some relief.

I was reading a sefer last night that talks about anxiety, fear, OCD etc.
It is in hebrew. It said that one has do his fearful acts 'completely' otherwise he will not
get better. I got the fear that I could never follow through on this and woke up anxious.

I did give the Daf Yomi but now I feel terrible.
My OCD is ruining my life.
 
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MoMo
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8/13/15 11:04 AM
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So sorry
Do you meet with a therapist?
 
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Shver
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8/13/15 4:05 PM
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I tried to make an appointment but the earliest opening was next Thurs.
Next Thurs., I will be on business so earliest I can see him will be Sept.

In the meantime, I am relying on my small network of peers.
 
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mouse
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8/16/15 10:37 AM
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That isn't really ideal. Is there some support group you can attend??? Another therapist?


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Shver
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8/16/15 11:45 AM
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Unfortunately, I don't really have a support group.
I think many people who post here do not have a support group.

I am looking for another therapist from NYC area and try therapy on the
phone or via the computer. This is not ideal but the best I can do under the circumstances
 
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TBear
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8/17/15 7:18 PM
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Wish I had something to say that could help.... posting to just give support, sorry things are so hard right now, no ideas or solutions - only willingness to hear and send prayers for a moment.

Please G-d it will improve. It is great you are still trying new approaches! Hope the search for a therapist brings about some relief and growth in the direction you need.

TBear
 
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Shver
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8/18/15 10:51 AM
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Thank you for your kind words.
One of my problems is that I think that I see signs from Hashem and
I interpret them as something negative. It is very difficult for me to overcome this obsession.
 
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MoMo
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8/18/15 4:10 PM
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I know of a great therapist who is very experienced in the exact symptoms you're describing if you want details you can PM me...
 
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MoMo
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8/18/15 4:16 PM
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Also there's a great book that people consider to be the bible on how to deal with obsessive thoughts it's authored by Jonathan Greyson it's called Freedom From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I don't have OCD but found the book extremely helpful nonetheless...
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/18/15 6:31 PM
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Sorry you're going through this Shver. I've struggled with magical thinking too, but not to such a severe degree, and was able to overcome it myself once I dealt with general anxiety and other issues that contributed to it. The 'signs' then took on a more positive nature.

You're probably a spiritually sensitive individual, but anxiety/OCD get in the way and distort it. As a general rule, I believe that if the 'signs' are indeed from Hashem, it would make me feel more peaceful and positive. If it causes me aggravation or anxiety, it's more likely from Satan who is just a big trickster.

In terms of books, I found "Brain Lock" helpful at some point.
 
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Shver
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8/20/15 3:59 PM
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MoMo,

Could you send me the name of the therapists.
I send you a PM
Thanks
 
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MoMo
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8/21/15 2:03 AM
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I got the pm but my brain isn't working and i forgot the therapist's name it'll come back to me eventually iyh
Sorry
 
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Shver
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8/21/15 1:20 PM
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Thanks for trying MoMo..

I am about to start with another therapist that is somewhat famous and very expensive.
Not sure, if he is worth it or not.

I can send the name via a PM if anyone thinks they can help me.

My OCD got triggered again today and I am feeling very hopeless.
 
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Shver
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4/4/16 10:32 AM
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Shver
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4/4/16 10:37 AM
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After Shabbos while deleting some e-mail, one of them triggered my OCD.
I though it was a bad omen and it is causing me tremendous pain.
I feel I have nowhere to turn. Deep down I know it is nothing but
I am very influenced by the idea that nothing is a coincidence.

I lost my appetite and cannot concentrate on anything else.
 
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