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downandout
Senior Supporter

Posts: 511
Joined: Sep 2008
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9/18/09 2:50 PM
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I'm really nervous for yom tov. I had a simcha recently, and it really didn't go well, what with all the food being served and everything. I purged a lot, even though I'd really been better. Now all the yamim tovim are coming up = tons and tons and tons of food and I get nauseous just thinking of it all. I don't know how I'll managed through it. Also, I'll be home for most of the day, taking care of the kids, which also makes it harder. When I get out, it's obviously easier to distract myself, but being stuck at home makes it much much worse. I honestly don't know how to deal with this one, and it's upsetting because I've been doing better for the most part (besides for the simcha, as I've mentioned).
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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
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downandout
Senior Supporter

Posts: 511
Joined: Sep 2008
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9/20/09 9:55 PM
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KLY, how did you do over yom tov?
I did... not so well. The meals were really hard for me. I guess I won't go into detail, but I really don't know how I'm going to manage the rest of the holidays coming up. But I am just plain relieved to be through with this one (in the food sense. I know there is so much more to Rosh Hashana, but since this is an eating disorder forum, I'm just writing about the food part, obviously). Mostly, though, after holidays and things like that, I feel like I have no self-control. Not with eating, and not with purging (duh). Everything just seems to have a march of its own, and just goes and goes and goes. And I know it doesn't mean that everything I've been doing to get better has gone down the drain, but it just so seems like that - especially The Night After. Now.
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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
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killedlastyear
Senior Supporter

Posts: 628
Joined: Apr 2006
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9/21/09 5:26 PM
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Only on here for a second, have to get back to studying like crazy.... I was very fortunate and my Rosh Hashana ended up going fine. I was able to stick to my meal plan pretty well. This past week was actually the best one I've had all month as far as food stuff goes. I'm still very much glad it's over with. And still very much not looking forward to the holidays coming up. Sorry to hear yours didn't go so well  I totally know what you mean about the self control thing. That's mostly what I was most afraid of. You said the night after is really rough; how are you doing today?
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downandout
Senior Supporter

Posts: 511
Joined: Sep 2008
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10/21/09 7:22 PM
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I guess I'll just continue on this thread, even though it's not the holidays anymore, just cuz I don't feel like starting a new one.
Things are getting much harder. I've been purging more often, and obsessing non-stop about it. It's probably tied in to other things that are going on in my life now - mainly, my unhappiness at work. Things are really not going well there - and I guess to me it seems like my weight is the only thing that is "going well" for me. My main concern now is my obsession with it. It's been a while since it's been so bad - on my head all day and night. And I'm starting to show physical signs of it - bite marks and puffy eyes - something I never had before. It's bad. I feel so stuck - and so lonely. Nobody who I speak to (not all that many people) understands what I'm going through, being that they never went through it themselves. I'm seeing my p.doc tomorrow, and she said she'll give me a prescription for bloodwork, and based on the results, I may need to go inpatient. I really, really don't want that (duh). I'm really clueless as to what to do next, how to handle this.
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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
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