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FORUMS > ADHD
Replying to Topic: Dating
Created On 1/10/17 10:14 AM by YeshivishExMo


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YeshivishExMo
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Joined: Jan 2017

1/10/17 10:14 AM
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Shalom uvracha,
I am a 21-year old-turning-22-soon yeshiva bochur. I have slight social skills deficits and I am clueless of how to navigate the parsha of shiduchim. My Modern Orthodox family (whose krum hanhogos I abandoned for the Yeshivish velt) has encouraged to put off dating until I turn 27. I am unsure of what to say on dates, and how to navigate it into marriage. I also cannot find anyone to date, as none of the girls I know are open to dating Yeshivish bochurim, ????? the ones who do not learn full-time.
I was also turned away numerous times from volunteering at mixed-organizations which have girls who fit my hashkafa, and that includes Camp HASC, Kids of Courage, and the various NCSY programs. I have tried applying to each of these multiple times all with delayed rejection letters.

I have no idea how to get in touch with shadchanim as I don't know any. For months, I have asked several chevre from different communities to keep an eye open for me, but with zero leads. The disorganized MO yeshiva I went to told me they do not have the capacity to make shiduchim with their sister girls' seminary (frummer and more in-line with my hashkafa), claiming they don't have the financial capacity to do so. (Yeah, right!).

Online dating is not my thing.

Now I am stuck and clueless of what I should do.
Please analyze this issues carefully before responding.


-------------------------
Ariel rosman
 
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shtarkebachur
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7/31/17 9:38 PM
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Hi, sounds like you are stuck in a tough situation. Are you working with a therapist to figure things out? That's my first reaction because dating can be very complicated even without all the extra problems you describe.

As far as what to say on dates, the best advice I heard was to stay on positive topics only. After you know the person, you can share some more difficult topics, but in a hopeful tone.

If you feel too negative about your life to do this, then definitely work on increasing your self worth. Professional help is often needed for this.

Whatever I just said, is from my own personal experiences. Hope things work out.


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Enjoying life while fighting anxiety!
 
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Spice
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Joined: Oct 2017

10/23/17 3:24 PM
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Really difficult situation you're in. Kudos for posting here. Wondering if working on the social skills will help you increase confidence when you're networking for dating as well as on your dates. Also, do you have a Rabbi that you can confide in who can help you with leads and even network on your behalf?
 
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