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FORUMS > MS (Multiple Sclerosis)
Replying to Topic: shidduchim
Created On 12/18/08 6:57 AM by besuros toivos


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besuros toivos
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12/18/08 6:57 AM
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continuation of above.

and yet i feel in the 'frum' world a problem is such an issue for people are so judgemental. and its becoming such a strain on me for shidduchim. anyone can share some light in this topic i appreciate it to the full. im having a rather hard time now.

thanks loads


-------------------------
a firm believer
 
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su7kids
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12/18/08 2:52 PM
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There most definitely are those who are not judgemental about things like this, and those are the ones you want to keep seeking. However long it takes.

You really do NOT want to b e married into a familiy where "judgemental" is a way of life! So, it may sound desperate and take a bit longer, but your Bashert is out there, and they are not Judgemental.

You can't change people, but you will find the right now.


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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besuros toivos
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1/20/09 3:19 AM
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thanks for your kind words and chizuk i will carry your precious words with me although i am having such a hard time with shidduchim. but thanks for positive words of comfort.

have a great day


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a firm believer
 
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freespirited1
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10/5/09 12:03 AM
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I can only imagine what shidduchim are going to be like for me when I start. My mother died of cancer, I have a blood sugar problem (called hypoglycemia, which causes low blood sugars) that can (and will, if I'm not careful) turn into type 2 diabetes. I also have a few severe food allergies and an autoimmune problem or two. I might have MS, also. I have a famiyl history of lots of very unpleasant medical conditions.

I wish that people weren't so picky. I mean, having a medical problem doesn't make you a "damaged" person. If anything, it makes you more self-aware than other people would and it makes you more sensitive to others, especially where pain is involved.

Good luck with shidduchim!


-------------------------
Smile; it's what your mouth is there for
---
I have the short-term memory of a carrot
---
The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap
 
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CAP
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10/9/09 11:46 AM
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I sent you a private message... do you know how to retrieve it?
 
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keepsmiling
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11/14/09 11:29 PM
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I agree that having a medical issue makes you a stronger and more sensitive person. There are people who are perfectly healthy and after they get married are diagnosed with serious health problems. So it's all in G-d's hands and people like us should hopefully be made stronger and become better people by the challenges we face. After being rejected by a nice young man because of my MS, I wrote a poem to give myself encouragement, about what a greater and better person I have become, with G-d's help, as a result of my challenges. It took time and effort and patience, but Boruch Hashem today I am married to a wonderful young man whose parents told him that he has to decide for himself if he wants to marry me. They were supportive when I had a relapse. Every person is different, but here's what worked for me:

1 - PRAYER - pray like you really mean it and really are begging and trusting that G-d is listening and can help. You can pray in your own words, at any time of day. I found that praying by my grandfather's grave was very powerful - the peaceful and solemn atmosphere of the cemetery was very conducive to focusing on G-d's presence and crying in prayer. Having others pray for you too also helps.

2 - Speak to a Rabbi whom you trust- I usually keep my MS secret, but I got a private meeting with a compassionate and respected rabbi in my community. I prepared ahead of time - I gave him a straightforward explanation of my condition, my specific case, how I manage my MS and how it affects me, and how I've grown as a person in faith and sensitivity as a result. I also asked and arranged for him to have a private phone meeting with my neurologist, who gave him more details about my prognosis and answered his questions. I also got Rabbinical advice about when would be an appropriate time to disclose my "secret" to any young man that I may be dating. The next time I told a guy I was dating about my MS, I told him (and his parents, if they were involved) to call this Rabbi - a respected rabbi who was impressed by my attitude and knew specific details about my prognosis. He was very willing to advise them about me. It helped a lot.

3- Networking! This is good advice for anyone in shidduchim.

Hatzlacha raba - I hope this was helpful, and that you find "Mr Right" very soon, b'sha'a tova!
 
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