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FORUMS > General (Hematology Oncology)
Replying to Topic: loved ones with cancer
Created On 12/26/04 2:39 PM by elish3va


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elish3va
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12/26/04 2:39 PM
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Ok so my grandma is very sick with cancer. She means so so much to me, and I often find it very hard to deal with everything she has to endure. So, I was wondering if there were any people who were dealing with similar situations with loved ones who are willing to offer me advice on how they deal with it. Thanks!


Edited: 12/26/04 at 2:41 PM by elish3va
 
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downsyndrome
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12/26/04 9:31 PM
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Dear Elisheva shetichya:
Whenever I read or hear about another person's suffering I try not to say 'I can feel your pain', when truthfully we can never feel another's pain if we have not been in their shoes. Unfortunately, I can tell you with a full mouth "I CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN." I lost my dearest, darling mother to cancer two and a half years ago. She was my best mother, my best friend, my pillar of love, help and support and everything wonderful that one can imagine rolled into one human being. She was a queen in how she conducted herself, a tremendous baales middos, and the most brilliant person I have ever known. During the shiva, one of my mother's brothers commented to us children (we are four siblings - 1 son, 3 daughters) that were our mother a man (in our society) she would have been known throughout the world as an 'adom gadol'. WEll, we watched her deteriorate and our hearts shattered into splinters. For the last two months of her life, my parents moved into my home because my mother was too sick to take care of herself. The last time we admitted her to the hospital my children all cried as the Hatzolah was taking her out on a stretcher; I felt it was an ominous sign. Three days later she passed away. I feel like I have died a thousand deaths with her. At the levaya, I just wanted to climb into the coffin and go along with her.... I wish there was something encouraging I can say to you. Well, I guess for a Yid there always is: keep saying tehillim, never give up hope, and hang onto every minute and hour that your Bubbie is around - these are painful, yet precious times. 'Shtark zich, shtark zich...' Kol tov, Sarah S.
 
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elish3va
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12/27/04 1:51 AM
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"She was my best mother, my best friend, my pillar of love, help and support and everything wonderful that one can imagine rolled into one human being. She was a queen in how she conducted herself, a tremendous baales middos, and the most brilliant person I have ever known. "

The way that you described your mother is exactly how i feel about my bubbie. It was like my thoughts were written verbatum in your response, but yours had "mother" instead of bubbie. I really appreciate your response. Thank you so much, Elisheva
 
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UpsWithDown's
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1/5/05 10:37 AM
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Dear Admin of this site,
This is such a special site for so many reasons, and I hope more ppl find out about this so that they can find comfort and advice here. I have tears in my eyes with the back and forth that I just read here. and I have the chills because here are 2 ppl (without knowing each other) talking to each other and giving each other chizuk. What a beautiful people klal yisroel is. We all know "Kol Yisroel Areivem Zeh Lazeh" and the truth is that even when we are not in someone's else's shoes, we still hurt so much for one another because, in essence we are all one, and so when your arm hurts it's really my same arm that is in pain. There are some wonderful tapes that have been mechazek me through diff things (I lost my precious aunt to Hodgkin's disease- she left 8 young children and a huge talmid chochom of a husband. I lost her just 10 days before my precious heilege neshama son that was diagnosed with Multiple heart defects 5 months in utero and then confirmed them at birth and also was diagnosed with Down's (or we like to call it Up's)). They can be bought through Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation (1-800-867-2482) They are by R'Efraim Wachsman. There is a "faith at work" series which is fantastic and really got me thru and also "Life Challenges- Torah Solutions". They are worth every $. (I think they are $6 each or something likfe that) I have found that when going through painful times, the best and most comforting thing is to hear beautiful things about having emunah and about Hakadosh Baruch Hu and his ways. It's very soothing.
HaShem should give us all the koach we need and only challenge us through simchos.
Keep shtark and be'h very soon it will be "Kechalom Yaoof" when Moshiach comes today hopefully. Touch your Bubbie and hold her hand tight and be'h HAShem should give her a refuah shleimah bemheira...my grandmother (the mother of the aunt I lost) said to me while my baby was in the hospital, that we always look at the numbers on the screen, sometimes we just have to look a little bit higher....With HAShem being the Doctor of all Doctor's, your Bubbie is in good hands. Picture her bed as being HaShem's lap. Take Care,Dubbie


-------------------------
*Haboteach BaHaShem chessed yesovevenu*
 
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Admin
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1/5/05 10:49 AM
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Thank you!

I think we can all help more people find out about this site by word of mouth. If you know someone who can benefit from this site please let them know about it.

Also, I think here would be an appropriate place to mention a new feature coming soon IY"H to this site: A Tehilim list where people can post names of loved ones who are in need of a refuah shelaima.

If anyone has any other suggestions of new features or enhancements to the site I will be glad to look into them.

Admin
 
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Emunah613
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1/15/05 7:19 PM
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You should advertise in the many newspapers and magazines out there,even in the classifieds so it wont be costly.
 
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samuelcpainter
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2/9/05 2:02 PM
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Are there any support groups for adult males with cancer?

Does anyone know of a of a male who has survived metastatic bone cancer? And would be willing to speak with a person suffering from it?

Thank you.
 
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Joel
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2/14/05 2:16 AM
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I know this might sound a little weird, as you are all talking about blood relatives. But my best friend is in the hospital with some kind of condition that the family very much wants to keep as a secret. I definitely respect their privacy, but, with all rumors going around I cannot sleep, eat, concentrate....Especially when I'm the target that people ask ... How's she doing?.. is it true that?... coma?... resperator?.... This just turns me off even more. 1) I would love to know myself. 2) there is noone I can ask ( since only the immediate family goes to her not even in-laws) 3) I wish they are all made up stories(but why should people do so?)... I feel that the only thing that would comfort me slightly would be if I would go to her...& hold her hand.... but again the family is so secretive about it that they would never allow me to. I wish I can just pop in to her room.... But again I respect her wishes... Does anyone have any suggestions what I should do or what else would be comforting?
 
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hb
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2/22/05 5:22 PM
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It's really hard to know what the right thing to do. I have been in this situation recently and found that if you call the person, don't ask for details or info, but tell them, I hear you are going through a difficult time, and want youto know that I care and am available if needed. you can't go wrong. Your friend might be waiting for just such a call. As long as you respect their need for privacy and are there IF NEEDED - you're doing the right thing.
Lots of luck!!!!
Refuah Sh'eima!
 
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doubleg
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2/23/05 6:20 PM
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I am going through something serious right now and have received various pieces of advice:
- Don't tell anyone and don't have your name on a Tehillim list since it can cause or bring an (ayin hara?)
- Yes, have your name on Tehillim lists
I don't know what to do. My impulse is to get on the prayer lists. I am not into waiting until my second last breath before I let anyone know I need prayer. I am completely boggled at the reluctance people show. Is it REALLY just because they don't want to reduce their childrens' chances for a good shidduch? Look at the statistics, people... most of us are descended from people who have died from some disease or another. There are even many diseases that are caused by lifestyle choices, so can't possibly be passed down to the children. Of course the lifestyle itself may be passed on.... And even if the disease can really be passed down, then would YOU want it hidden from you if you were trying to get a shidduch for yourself or one of your children? I feel that the best thing is honesty. But then who am I?
I have a friend who heard a little about me. She called me and said just about what you said above. In my case it was very appreciated. When a person has a serious illness they feel people drawing away from them because people just don't know what to say and don't want to appear to be gleaning gossip. This results in a very lonely isolated feeling for the ill person. I wouldn't want to be like someone who is characterized as a hypochondriac or someone who wants to spill everything (ad infinitum) to everyone in earshot. But it is so scarey and you can't just let your thoughts and fears whirl around in your head with no one to share.
That is why I feel a website like this is so necessary. I have been on a terrific one for women who have had hysterectomies called HysterSisters. Their data base is huge by now and if you want to do a search you can almost always come up with a string that deals with your topic. There you can exchange with people who have been through/are going through the same thing. They even have a prayer section.
That is how I envision this Frum Support site as it get reallys active. Once it has a lot of postings and people can feel more comfortable about posting even if they are desirous of maintaining their anonymity. It can be a tremendous blessing especially since we can feel free to address our religious and dietary issues and ask for Tehillim from Jews.
A huge Yasher Koach to those who started this; may it grow and prosper.
 
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