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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

Posts: 914
Joined: Feb 2005
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2/11/13 3:59 PM
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TBear, Please pardon the pun, but I was "touched" by your question. If you interested to see what Dr. Price thinks, I am not at all offended if you want to compare answers. Furthermore, I am honored that you want my opinion. Star mentioned a book by Yalom. One book I like and refer to alot is The Gift of Therapy. His style of writing and perspective really speak to me. In Chapter 63, page 188 of The Gift of Therapy, Yalom writes "I make a point to touch each patient each hour- a handshake, a clasp of the shoulder, usually at the end of the hour, as I accompany the patient to the door". He further explains that if people need more support via touch, he usually complies, unless he is concerned about s#xual feelings. Then, he processes the touch in the next session. That is Yalom. I highly recommend the book. In general, I do not touch my patients. Sometimes, very painful material comes up, and I feel moved to comfort them by touch. In that case, I always ask first. Many of the people I work with have been traumatized, and the last thing I want is for them to feel violated by me. Sometimes, people ask me for a hug (males and females), and I usually hug them, except for people who have disclosed to me that they have s#xual fantasies about me or I feel there is that kind of "tension" between us, I won't hug them, and I explain why. I am saddened that we are living in difficult times regarding touch and therapy, because of social and legal ramifications. I hope this is helpful. Feel free to ask for more clarification, if necessary. Have you spoken about this with your therapist? a lynn
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TBear
Senior Supporter

Posts: 275
Joined: Feb 2012
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2/15/13 4:22 PM
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How I have done it in the past - is with the help of HaKodesh Baruch Hu - He brought good out of the painful past...... In actuality, a mentally healthy person could not do it all, and has to make choices to stop working and take care of themselves, their children, delegate, reach out. You see with DID - I could (and still do under stress) wall away part of who I am and operate on "automatic".... Sadness, fear, anger, joy were not even accessible I did not feel hunger or anything until I would almost faint because I had forgotten to eat..... I would in a hyperalert manner just keep going as if I were always in crisis - I used to go on 4 hours or less of sleep a night. As I get healthier - I cannot handle the same workload - but what I do is done with feeling and full presence - which is better. If I am to serve Hashem with ALL of my heart - I need to keep it all together! The multiple parts of who I am were necessary to survive the unsurvivable - but now - the danger is gone and I have to learn to deal - like you or any other person does - it isn't easy - and is sometimes overwhelming - but also sometimes great! Good Shabbos - I Love Shabbos!!!!! Hashem holding us in His loving arms
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TBear
Senior Supporter

Posts: 275
Joined: Feb 2012
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2/26/13 2:06 AM
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Thank you for asking....
Last week - hitting on trauma we have to put the brakes on - begins to pull me in to a flashback and we have to bring me back.... and send the parts who are getting overwhelmed into their safe places..... part of me died in the horror of the past.... she is mute - he asked if I could allow myself (all of me) to feel at least 5% of the sadness and pain with her - she shouldn't have to bear it alone any longer, she needs me ...
Backed off to supportive stuff again because I have been unable to sleep for a week or so - don't remember anything - yet seem to have been active - hate that... Want to just push through it all - but he won't let me because it could be too much and I have to keep functioning.....
I took a huge risk at the last session, told him I suddenly felt like he was too far away (in the previous session) - he said he felt it too and had sat forward in his chair) - So I sat in the sofa closer to his chair and it was so strange - he seemed more real (also seemed to back up don't know if he really did or not), seemed less like a "talking chair" - multiple reactions within, scared - really anxious - there is a deep yearning from the youngest parts who want to be closer and also from others who are terrified - I have to comfort myself within, I know it is safe... sounds crazy but by risking sitting closer to my therapist - the older pieces of who I am were able to get closer to the youngest most hurt of me within - like maybe yearning for care doesn't have to be followed by torturous pain, maybe I don't have to be on guard, maybe I can accept care - have to remember though the comfort must be handled within, no one can replace the loss of the past.....
Feeling overwhelmed - and isolated in a crowd.... fed 13 at the Shabbos table for the midday meal.... Purim was wonderful - sat with my married daughter at the Megillah readings - grandkids were ill/ cranky so she and her husband were trading off; one teen of mine ditched us to go to another shul - delivered shaloch manos with five of my kids... all dressed up - wonderful, close community, such fun - yet feel that if they really knew all of me, what I have dealt with - then we wouldn't be accepted.. too intense, but I have to try to hang in there for the kids - and keep them protected...
My past therapist - who abandoned - was at the community/ shul dancing Seuda - even blew a kiss at my youngest - don't think he ever looked at me - I avoided him..... he was drunk (as usual for Purim) - my sons have joked about staying out of his reach - any male aquaintances will get a hug and kiss.... his wife was in tears about something and they sat down to discuss it next to where my child had put her toys and drink.... oy veh (she doesn't know who his clients have been) -
Improvement for me though - I didn't "check out" nor did I feel su!c!dal ideation from running into him as I usually do - just blank and down..... probably rough on him as well - my issues were out of his expertise and he didn't get consultation and well - he messed up - gave reassurances that were lies, though he probably meant them at the time.... also can't imagine how someone can sit with a client week after week twice a week (we did accomplish lots) - with check in calls (i was in constant crisis)... know intimate details - then act as if they are merely aquainted - my kids and his are in the same schools..... then I get paranoid and wonder what he has said to others.... too much - it hurts
For now though - tired.... just want to not be in pieces - in the here and now, without being triggered or on guard or tainted.... frustrating to feel so alone - yet to all in the neighborhhod - I am a "strong, inspiring, single mother, etc.... " all the while I feel like garbage that has been damaged, shattered and thrown away.....
Afraid to go to session tomorrow - don't know where I want to sit.... so scared and sad - better try to sleep... he says I have been doing some hard work - frustrating that it takes so long to deal with stuff that was not my fault, part of me is angry - I know G-d helped me through and I have much to be thankful for - but for now I am avoiding sleep hyperalert mode kicking in, trying not to ... have to function at work tomorrow - actually today... guess I will be powered by coffee and exhausted....
Edited: 2/26/13 at 2:29 AM by TBear
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