Joined: Feb 2012
7/12/13 3:37 PM
OK - So today's contemplations have some questions that need to be explored - and a non-Jewish therapist does not have the complete basis to be helpful..... Please give me feedback - if you can find the time....
True power belongs to G-d
Only arrogance tells us we have any power at all, but is that really true?
A person is unable to wipe away his own tears if his hands are bound
Yet, the person who binds the hands, is he truly in power? Not ultimately
We say daily, "Blessed is the One who releases the bound"
So where is power and are we truly powerless?
We must act - so what is in our power - to serve Hashem of course.
How does that translate into personal assertiveness vs acceptance of our powerlessness and pleading to the One above?
Even then the very abilities we have to serve also come from above....
What is left for us? Choice
To choose today to do our best, all that we are capable of, with what we have been given - that is what you said in a previous post....
To then embrace our powerlessness and the only true power, realizing that the true power remains with our Father, who is also Ribono Shel Olam
So the body can be overpowered - by being bound
Leaving only the mind and feelings to work with untouched, to choose our thoughts and feelings.
When feelings are beyond the ability to handle - only the mind remains, thoughts, values.....
Even then the basis of the mind in the physical realm - that ability is from Hashem, and can also be compromised.....
There is nothing that occurs without Hashem
So, I am told I must allow myself to cry.... I don't usually.
Why cry if there is no comfort?
Also, I have so much to be thankful for - so many brachos - is this not then crying for nothing or are these two separate issues?
I am told that my tears are not for nothing that I have much to be sad about - that the pain is real.
Sometimes tears come and I don't realize it - and I don't know why
Can't get through the morning Brachos without tears streaming down my face - happens daily
At times I do not even notice they are there
Are they tears of pain or thankfulness or overwhelm or confusion...... am I crying vainly if I do not even know why?
More likely tears of being in awe of the miracle of being allowed to approach Hashem as my Father and the blessing of clinging to Torah
Maybe I cry because Hashem is my comfort... and is there with me to dry my tears when no one else is...
The intensity of drawing close to HaKodesh Baruch Hu is beyond words
The knowledge that I won't be beaten or harmed for my tears anymore - or will I?
The doubt creeps in - it is bad to cry I hear within....
We are told that we cry now because we cried for nothing before....
Am I being ungrateful to cry?
Is it wrong - is it allowed - Oy
I know it is understandable to cry - normal perhaps, but is it right?
Crying is OK when mourning - to cry on Tisha B'Av.....
If my children cry - I comfort them - or try to sympathize first and understand if appropriate second.... hmmm
I still have work to do - to bind the heart mind and body
When I fast - the instant reaction is to disconnect from my body.... is that part of the purpose? to better focus...
Interesting - it takes energy and time to address the toxic traumatic nodes which keep me in pieces
If addressed when stress is high and energy is low, then rather than help - it further damages/ separates
So we have had to stop trauma processing and go to support only so that I can deal with other stressors.....
The power to work toward healing is taken from me for the present - so that I remain functioning and don't lose ground....
Balance - I must take care of the body, and give expression to the feelings, even examine my thoughts - their source....
Reduce stress where possible
Leave the rest to Hashem - the One True Power.....His timing is perfect
So why am I so down? If you have feedback it would be appreciated...
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