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Replying to Topic: sw needs advice on own child
Created On 1/27/06 1:19 AM by frumsw


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frumsw
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1/27/06 1:19 AM
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I feel a little stupid but I need advice about my own child! 71/2 year boy with learning disabilites and delayed speech and fine and gross motor skills. Extremely bright (as per his psych eval) and verbal. Problem is-extreme emotions. Can be very happy and cheerful (no, not manic) and the smallest disappointment or just the idea of having to go to school (which he likes but he has to work hard) and he has temper tantrums. His teachers and I are all coping with it-distraction, setting limits, etc. but it is very tiresome. Immaturity? or do you have any ideas.


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frumtherapist
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1/27/06 9:29 AM
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Welcome frumsw- why feel stupid- just because one is a plumber doesn't mean they don't need to pay attention to their own pipes!
Anyway, in my private practice I hear the same story over and over. It doesn't matter what the diagnosis is- be it ODD, Childhood Depression, Bipolar, ADHD, and so on... there are always certain similarities. Rigid personalities, low frustration tolerance, difficulty making transitions, and there is more. I highly recommend you look into Ross Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving. He describes it in 2 books- one for parents and a new one for clinicians...the older one which you should begin with is called The Explosive Child.
When I first read his works, I felt like I had discovered gold. Things clicked in place, and unfortunately many professionals working with children like yours continue to knock their heads in the wall by doing the same behaviorally-based interventions over and over, but to no avail.
Keep me posted, and Hatzlacha!
 
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abc123
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2/1/06 12:29 AM
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Frumtherapist, can you give me some help with ODD - where to turn, what schools are available that can treat a 12 year old suffering from this and ADD etc.? Thanks.
 
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frumtherapist
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2/1/06 1:08 PM
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Hi abc- are we talking about frum Yeshivos? Jewish schools? Or therapeutic schools in general?
Also, are there learning/academic challenges or disabilities as well, or are his difficulties purely emotional?
 
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abc123
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2/1/06 3:36 PM
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I would prefer a Jewish school where Shabbos and Kashrus won't be an issue. Are there any schools with dorming facilities for children from out of the area? If not, what therapeutic schools are there that can accomodate a frum child? His difficulties are strictly emotional - he is extremely smart (which causes its own issues and has no learning difficulties.
 
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frumtherapist
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2/2/06 11:36 AM
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Hi-
There are therapeutic school programs...but I don't know of any that specifically cater to Jewish children. Whether you'd be able to make arrangements with a non-Jewish program where issues such as Kashrus can be accomodated is something you'd need to inquire from each specific program.
 
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ernie55B
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2/6/06 9:26 PM
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Hello ABC!

May I ask what general geographic area you are inquiring about?

My daughter has ODD and ADHD and went to a very fine school at age 12.

Ernie
 
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abc123
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2/13/06 9:13 PM
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Thanks Ernie! The child lives in the Midwest, but has family in the NY area.
 
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ernie55B
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2/15/06 8:54 PM
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Hi ABC!

There is a school in Queens, NY called The Summit School. It is not a Jewish school, although ironically the classes are in a Conservative Shul.
The program is excellent; my daughter learned something there for the first time in her life. They work on social skills as well as
educational material.
The staff is very mindful of religious issues and even has a few frum teachers on staff.

Feel free to PM me if you need more info.

Ernie
 
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123123
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5/1/06 2:03 AM
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Hi everyone,
I would like to contribute to this thread as it may perhaps be of help to you. I have a child with lots of issues which we began noticing when she started school. Her issues are severe enough that she qualifies for and receives SSI. Issues include severe sensory, emotional trauma (abandonment by her father), oppositionalism (B"H that's improved, daytime enurisis at age 11! (Just ended doing that recently, B"H), severe acting out behavior in school, extremely irritable and angry at home, highly sensitive across the board, socially inept, does not express herself, the list goes on.
She's had so many evaluations, at which she wouldn't cooperate.
We did discover a severe gluten and medium dairy allergy. Also severe zinc and B deficiencies. Doctor (naturally inclined) claims that she's treated many such patients with a high success rate.. Treatment includes specially formulated zinc and b supplementation, and gluten and dairy free diet.
I have to tell you that this child has been taken to countless psychiatrists for meds evaluations. All but one saw meds as the answer to my child's issues. Well, I tried them all. Unfortunately, the side effects were severe, and it turned her into a zombie. She was just sedated all the time. But her issues remained. Came a time when the pharmacist said to me these meds are dangerous for a child my child's age.
I took her to one more psychiatrist. I heard she's an expert in figuring out which meds to prescribe. Guess what she prescribed?
She recommended I send my child to Summit School in Queens and to keep her OFF meds! That from the mouth of a TOP psychiatrist who charges $500 for a consult! She explained that meds with kids is very difficult to match up, and the side effects..... And that my child needed a specialized structured educational environment where her misbehavior will be dealt with therapeutically.
By the way, my child's psychologist kept insisting that I keep trying different meds and stick to them long enough. I explained to her that the drugs just drugged her up and didn't teach her skills for life. WE differed on the topic of medicating my child. I always say, that Hashem is chonin daas the parents. It's possible these meds work for certain kids. But it didn't for mine.
Wishing you all lots of siyata dishmaya


Edited: 5/1/06 at 2:08 AM by 123123
 
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ernie55B
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5/1/06 9:21 AM
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Hi 123...,

Just want to mention, my daughter was in Summit for 7 & 8 grades, after having spent 6 years in a regular yeshiva. For the first time in her life she actually learned something!
She is very intelligent, but her 'issues' prevented her from learning in a regular environment.

I highly recommend the school, which is non-sectarian, but very aware and sensitive to frum issues. (It happens to be located in a Conservative shul, and has a number of frum teachers).

Hatzlacha to you!
Ernie
 
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Torsalicious613
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5/1/06 8:16 PM
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where is this ernie, you've peaked my interest?

atara


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what the hecka is a signiature?
 
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frumsw
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9/3/06 12:55 AM
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I read the Explosive Child a long time ago, have to refresh my memory and get hold of R. Greene's other books...You wanted an update so here it is. Psychologist recommended social skills groups. I sent him to one run by a speech therapist over the summer and he's on a waiting list for one run by a social worker (never mind I started the process in the spring of 'o6) The skills group was run well, had great goals but was possibly too short for him to incorporate any skills. The therapist agreed that it was more like an introduction to the topics. So, we have not seen any changes and my son answered in reply to my question that no, he does not do anything differently now. School is starting again (help) and although he mastered reading (for that I truly thank G-d) he puts up a major major fit when asked to read. I coaxed him along through most of his summer homework but he is exhausting. Today was a doozy. I told him to daven from a siddur in order to be ready when he starts school on Monday and he carried on forever. I was firm, he davened a bit and read quite well actually but he was devastated at being "forced". I'll go get the books but I just wanted to vent and share that I'm frightened for this year (and I guess the rest of his childhood!)


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frumtherapist
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9/3/06 10:10 PM
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Hi again frumsw....again, it may not be the actual "skill" such as reading which is the primary issue, it may be the "interactive effects" - like when you say, "I told him to daven".....you may be unwittingly setting your son up for a meltdown and an episode....read Greene's stuff again, and perhaps seek a therapist who does filial work/family therapy, where the primary focus is on improving the quality and effectiveness of your interactions.....
All the best.
 
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AK
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6/26/07 10:48 AM
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Hi,
I am replying to an old post . Please check my thread on Explosive child resources. About social skills groups - they are not pretty effective , skills are generally one on one and that is where parents and a mentor can come in , it is a lot of on the job training for the kid
 
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frumsw
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6/29/07 2:27 PM
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If anybody is interested, update, 1 yr. later on my son. School year was very good surprisingly. He must have been going through an oppositional stage or I was at a very rigid stage or both. We also moved so he has more social opportunities and his behavior improved tremendously now that he is busy playing with friends. I see now that reading is not as good as I thought, at all. Now he is seeing a vision therapist (for the 2nd time)and an Orton Gillingham teacher and I encourage him to daven and bentch without a siddur. Wow, what a difference from last year. It was totally the move. Nice to look back and see the progress.


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gad
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7/1/07 3:17 PM
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That's great news. Thank you for posting it.

You should continue to have much Yiddishe nachas.
 
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justso
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2/18/09 4:01 AM
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hazak, hazak v'nitchazek!

thank you for the update, it is not only heartwarming, but encouraging too. It is good for lay people to know that "plumbers" need a roto job sometimes too -- no busha necessary.

Maybe its a gift from Hashem so that you will having your own experience might help another?

may you continue to have the vision and koach to be the great mother you are!
 
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