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Replying to Topic: Connecting emotionally with Aspergers syndrome
Created On 3/14/06 3:43 AM by snowflake

snowflake
Junior Supporter

Posts: 13
Joined: Feb 2006

3/14/06 3:43 AM

Hi Dr Price, I know we covered the basics on; how can g-d expect observance / discipline and impulse control when creating a person with deficiencies and imbalances ..... but there are some basic inherent dysfunctions that override any medicinal cocktail,therapy and or combination special.Take for instance Asperger syndrome - inability for emotional connection how can a person with this unfortunate syndrome ever experience an emotional connection or meaninful relationship etc and find any purpose in life .Often times the symptoms are overlooked and then its the kids who dont have a parent ...... the same would apply to any syndrome on the Autism spectrum..... but Aspergers syndrome in general is often overlooked and as such ensuing marriages and children often are not the happiest or the most functional .Just wondering what your opinion is regarding kids that have a parent with Asperger syndrome.Is there any sort of hope on experiencing a real emotional connection between parent and child or is therapy a waste of mental and emotional energy and ignoring the relationship - only answer to avoid the pain of hurt .I appreciate your input .

-------------------------
"live with intention.walk to the edge.listen hard.practice wellness.play with abandon.laugh.choose with no regret.continue to learn.appreciate your friends . do what you love.live as if this is all there is" . mary anne radmacher

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Dr. Price MD
Psychiatrist

Posts: 1983
Joined: Jan 2006

3/14/06 11:09 PM

Excellent and an even more challenging question. Here goes with G-d's help: If you are the client with Asperger's you may be so preoccupied with your own inner world that you do not really need/want people as others do. Combined with a genius intellect or with a savant who has a very circumscribed talent such as music or physics, people are a distraction from more important work. Many great talmidai chachamim likely have/had Asperger's which enabled them to hyperfocus for years on a topic producing volumes of perush and chidushim. Had they been distracted by people, they would probably not have been so prolific. If you are the child or spouse of such a person, you have to accept their personality for what is it and not take it is an unloving or neglectful. One possible way to connect with this parent is around their circumscribed interested. I met an individual with Asperger's who lived for a watching a certain sport to the exclusion of his family. Once his son took an interest, he became part of his parent's interest as well. Also, many cases of mild Asperger's may actually be extreme social anxiety with or without some mild paranoia which can be ameliorated with cognitive behavior therapy, high dose SSRI's and or low dose antipsychotics or tranquilizers.

Rabbi Price, M.D.

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snowflake
Junior Supporter

Posts: 13
Joined: Feb 2006

3/15/06 2:52 AM

It's refreshing and roughly about as common as Pink diamonds to receive an answer that covers so many different levels and depths .OK firstly on the spirituality and talmidei chachamim theory yeah definitely got the bright side of Aspergers there and i never would have dreamed of that sparkly side of Asperger's in a million years .Regarding the Asperger person not really needing the emotional connection -that gets kind of tricky when that person is a parent.Following instructions ,rote ,and being taught only goes so far on the real emotional connnection roadtrip before running out of fuel .Some things just cant be taught and need to be understood on an emotional level which can be very difficult bordering on nearly impossible .So aside from honing in on a specific interest is there any other way to connect with an Asperger parent/person ?Interesting and valid point on the mild Aspergers being social anxiety and or mild paranoia mix possibility.I always thought connection is a default need and want of all human beings regardless of imbalances and or brain wiring issues.Sometimes the connecting cables are not working properly but doesnt everyone really need/want connection ? I guess thats where Autism and its offsprings come in to play......I appreciate your input and insights .

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Dr. Price MD
Psychiatrist

Posts: 1983
Joined: Jan 2006

3/15/06 11:18 PM

Most of us are social beings but some for sure are not. There are those who desire contact but avoid it (Avoidant Personalities) and those who shun contact (Schizoid Personalities), prefering to simply be left alone. One hypothesis as to why may involve the hormone, oxytocin, released when a woman breastfeeds which promotes milk ejection and also connection with the newborn. In a study of voles (cute little rodents), promiscuous ones, who develop little connection with their mates, differed from their monogomous counterparts in their oxytocin/vasopressin (in males) receptors. When the promiscuous voles' receptors were rearranged they became monogomous! In our lifetimes, we will see treatment for Asperger's and other such conditions, that is if we don't destroy ourselves first.

Rabbi Price, M.D.

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snowflake
Junior Supporter

Posts: 13
Joined: Feb 2006

3/19/06 3:56 AM

That study on cute little rodents and receptor rearranging puts promiscuity in a whole new, more understandable, sparkly pink light . Of course though if the little rodents had functional parents the receptors may have balanced themselves out between the breastfeeding and whatever else balances out receptors . In general the concept and whole new focus on Neuroplasticity, rewiring and the Brain is fascinating.It really is all in the brain and in the nurture. I guess nature does facilitate in the growing up process too..... Life is really complicated.It would definitely help if the Brain g-d gave us would function properly to facilitate in the complex process of sorting/sifting and filtering the important from the not important in the sparkle dust of everyday happenstance and circumstance.Thanks for the brilliant reasoning and interesting insights into complicated living and life.

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coolme56
Junior Supporter

Posts: 18
Joined: Nov 2004

4/27/11 3:26 PM

Ive been married 10 yrs to my spouse. Ive come to realize that my spouse has apsergers. It has been very hard for me. Ive been emotionally abused as a child and was lookign forward to being married and finally having an emotional connection with my spouse. Needless to say I feel like ive left one abusive home and entered another. I dont know how s/o with Aspergers can have a normal loving relationship with their husband/wife. Id like to know if there are any books on living with apsergers and how to have a loving relationship.

Honeslty I dont know how much longer I can go through with this.

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Dr. Price MD
Psychiatrist

Posts: 1983
Joined: Jan 2006

4/27/11 3:40 PM

Thank you very much for your outstanding question. There are some treatments which show promise in ameliorating some of the symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD's) although there is no cure yet. It is possible to connect with many people with Asperger's through their restricted area(s) of interest as a portal. For example, let's say someone is obsessed with learning Gemara or baseball or computers or whatever, you may be able to have conversations and intense interactions with them for hours on end. This may enable the normals to feel more connected. Family members need to be educated about ASD's so that they do not feel unloved or neglected.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com

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coolme56
Junior Supporter

Posts: 18
Joined: Nov 2004

4/28/11 2:29 PM

So thats it? Just trying to intrest yourself with his intrests and thats how i'll connect emotionally? What about all the other aspects of marriage? Intimacy-how does that work? What about children who are too young to talk with their parent about their computer intrest? How can I fix the social skills part?

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Dr. Price MD
Psychiatrist

Posts: 1983
Joined: Jan 2006

4/28/11 2:50 PM

By reaching through the portal of the restriced area of interest, a deeper bond may form on both sides though usually more so for the family than for the person with PDD. Acceptance therapy for the family is important here. For example, children can play on the computer with their father and share experiences like that together and have a lot of fun. A repetoire of intimate behaviors can be taught and learned which may allow a spouse to feel or at least imagine more of an sense of an intimate connection. It is indeed very challenging. We will see a cure in our lifetime, G-d willing.

Rabbi Price, M.D.
www.RabbiMD.com

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coolme56
Junior Supporter

Posts: 18
Joined: Nov 2004

4/28/11 9:28 PM

Is there any way I can email you directly?

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Dr. Price MD
Psychiatrist

Posts: 1983
Joined: Jan 2006

4/28/11 11:01 PM

Send me a PM. Ask admin how to do it.

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Manic Me
Junior Supporter

Posts: 6
Joined: Sep 2012

8/5/16 2:00 AM

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Originally posted by: Dr. Price MD
Excellent and an even more challenging question. Here goes with G-d's help: If you are the client with Asperger's you may be so preoccupied with your own inner world that you do not really need/want people as others do. Combined with a genius intellect or with a savant who has a very circumscribed talent such as music or physics, people are a distraction from more important work. Many great talmidai chachamim likely have/had Asperger's which enabled them to hyperfocus for years on a topic producing volumes of perush and chidushim. Had they been distracted by people, they would probably not have been so prolific. If you are the child or spouse of such a person, you have to accept their personality for what is it and not take it is an unloving or neglectful. One possible way to connect with this parent is around their circumscribed interested. I met an individual with Asperger's who lived for a watching a certain sport to the exclusion of his family. Once his son took an interest, he became part of his parent's interest as well. Also, many cases of mild Asperger's may actually be extreme social anxiety with or without some mild paranoia which can be ameliorated with cognitive behavior therapy, high dose SSRI's and or low dose antipsychotics or tranquilizers.

Rabbi Price, M.D.

Wow. My husband has never been diagnosed but I've just done some research and it seems to me that he may have aspergers, or is somewhere on the spectrum. I have been researching how to deal with it and how to teach someone social norms. It was causing me a lot of stress.

He is a talmid chochom (at least I think so

) and he does not
realize why it is unusual to want to learn alone all day, especially since he feels that he can accomplish more faster at his own pace on his own.

Thanks. This really added a positives twist and left me with some better tasting food for thought.

-------------------------
"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!"

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