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FORUMS > Self Injury
Replying to Topic: I did it
Created On 12/1/09 10:10 PM by toy123


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toy123
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12/1/09 10:10 PM
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I just cut!!!!!!

Couldn't hold myself back.

I'm a horrible person. Why?!?! Why?!?!?! Why?!?!?!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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gad
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12/2/09 2:52 AM
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You are essentialy good.

You have a pure neshomo. That is your essence.


As for unwanted things that sometimes happen, we believe that everything that happens is by Divine Providence.

So even though a person has free choice, nevertheless everything happens by Divine Providence.

This applies even when someone is in full control of his actions. How much more so when someone is under tremendous stress etc, in which case he is often not blamed for his actions.



So to summarize, unwanted things sometimes happen.

You are under tremendous stress.

You are a good person.

We don't always know why things happen, but we believe that everything that G-d does is for our best, and one day we will understand and appreciate it.


I think that with this approach it may be easier for you to leave the past (with its guilt trips) behind, and be optimistic that the future will be good in a revealed kind of good, the kind of goodness that we can see and appreciate now.

I hope that things go better for you, and that you will soon have good news to post.

 
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downandout
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12/2/09 2:16 PM
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You are not a horrible person. A horrible person wouldn't care if they did it or not. You obviously care very much. And, as Gad said, every person is essentially good.

Also, as I mentioned on the other thread, giving in to the urge once does not mean you are doomed to failure - it means you can pick yourself up from the fall you've had, and keep on working.

Good luck! and (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))



-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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killedlastyear
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12/2/09 10:55 PM
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why would cutting make you a horrible person?
 
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toy123
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12/2/09 11:19 PM
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Dunno..... Cuz I feel like I shouldn't have cut and feel horrible and guilty that i did..........


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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Aba
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12/3/09 4:47 PM
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I'm sorry to hear you cut, it seems you put up quite a struggle for the past 2 days.
I hope things will start to get better soon.
Welcome aboard and Kol Tuv,
Aba


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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hugs
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12/3/09 8:16 PM
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Am planning on cutting tonight. Does anyone plan on cutting like I do? Is that a weird thing or is spur of the moment for most people?
 
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channafofanna
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12/5/09 8:37 PM
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i plan it all the time, of course theres the "i need to cut now" moments but usualy i say "im having a bad day - ill cut tonight, even if it gets better"
just incase were the only 2 who do that- i decided id post it...
 
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Debbi
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12/6/09 2:25 AM
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most often i plan- and then its hard to back down if i do feel better- because it was scheduled!
so theres 3 of us now.....
 
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hugs
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12/7/09 10:01 PM
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Yay, I'm not totally crazy- just a little
How badly do people in general cut? Mine are really only like scratches although they do bleed a little. I don't know how to cut any deeper, or maybe I'm to scared to do it any deeper but I really want 2! Can someone give me a suggestion about how they do it, maybe I'm doing it wrong or something.
 
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downandout
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12/7/09 10:59 PM
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I don't think anybody here will give you suggestions as to how to inflict more damage on yourself. We're here to try to help you get better, not make you worse.


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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hugs
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12/7/09 11:06 PM
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Maybe just maybe this will help me. If I feel like I'm more in control of my life then little things that are bringing me down (ok and the big ones too) won't anymore because I'll have this out that'll make me feel like I have some type of control again. I know it's kind of thinking backwards but in my brain it makes complete sense!
 
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downandout
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12/8/09 7:01 PM
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I get you. It's like in my mind, my purging makes me feel better. But logically, you and I both know that cutting and purging are not good things, and even though they may make us feel better temporarily, they are really not good things in the long run. Right?


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I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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hugs
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12/12/09 7:08 PM
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Ya downandout u r right, I just like thinking it so it sounds ok in my brain!
I've never cut on shabbos until this week. I feel kind of funny right now- don't know why!
 
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toy123
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1/22/10 3:24 PM
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I was feeling pretty crappy and horrible before. So I ended up cutting It helped me feel better for a little bit and now I'm having even stronger urges and feel anxious etc...... Don't wanna call my therapist......... Help....... I'm going crazy........ I'm so frustrated now..........


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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paswerd99
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7/3/12 5:16 PM
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Hi what have you been diagnoed with coz it sounds like borderline personality disorder?. i understand yr urges i have them too but not so much cutting more overdoses i was i a special unit for 2 yrs constant therapy and amazing team of tdocs and therapists but the one thing i learnt from them it is often a cry for help and they let u cut and afterwards talk to u about what was the trigger that caused the self harm. only you and u alone can stop the self harming it might take a while but you will learn new skills for coping what kind of support do you have? i know it sounds crazy but when u get the urges talk to them, like u would talk to a person give it as good as it gives .

try to tap into whatever mental health services are availabler to you from me to you i am sending yyou a masive hug all the way over the ocean
believe in yourself xxxx
 
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toy123
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7/8/12 8:41 AM
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Hey paswerd99 thanks for your concern this post I wrote about two and a half years. B"h I stopped SI but right now I'm having really strong urges... Yes my diagnosis is major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder. I went through numerous therapists and am now with someone I feel very comfortable with...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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