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Replying to Topic: homeless
Created On 10/11/13 1:36 PM by star


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star
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10/11/13 1:36 PM
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sounds extreme, i know, and i could always go home back to depression.
but noone wants me in monsey!
the ppl live by said they need me out next week.
found another place to rent but theyre being very demanding about money and need my room for guests sometimes and when i tried to be assertive and said i cant be desplaced lik my doc suggested, they said we will NOT be able to have you. OUCH!!! and everyone thinks these ppl r angels.thay always have guests etc.
now where will i go???


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toy123
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10/11/13 3:24 PM
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Star I know the feeling of feeling homeless and it's a HORRIBLE feeling. What type of family are u looking for a rend living in a bedroom amongst the family amongst opposed to a basement is that good? I can try to c if I can find someone in Monsey for u....


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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star
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10/12/13 9:19 PM
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thank you.a basement and shower ideally. thanks so much.


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channafofanna
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10/13/13 9:51 AM
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Im also going to aks around, but dont get your hopes up on me, k?
(((((((((HUGS))))))
 
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star
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10/13/13 11:15 PM
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thanks channa


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star
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10/16/13 12:30 PM
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i want to die so badly, wish i was brave enough to tie a noose. dont freak i wont do it. just wish this hopeless life could be over.

i walked out in shame after i saw a potential room and they basically laughed at me when i said they couldnt use the room when im not there. implied im inflexible etc. but its ME! these r nice ppl with good rep, ok?

then today the mom i babysit for asked if the kids ever play, like could u not put videos on for them always? well guess what i cant handle ur bratty son who throws a fit every time i call him away from the comp. and these ppl i thought were nice. ITS ALL ME, MY PROBLEM, u see?
i want to die. cant breathe thru this pain, cant change another diaper, give the baby a fake smile. im done, i want to quit, move back home, and wait to die.

WHY GD???WHY DO U FUND SUCH ENJOYMENT IN WATCHING ME SUFFER?I HATE YOU!!! I WANT TO SCREAM YOUR CURSES TO THE WORLD. WHY????


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star
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10/17/13 12:01 PM
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why is everyone ignoring me?
heres the lastest hell: I walked into my babysitting job and the mother started telling me all the things that bother her, not feeding baby right,leaving a mess.(which I did cuz she said she wanted me to play with the kids on the floor.)
so I started getting defensive and crying and she yelled at me how the baby was up at night cuz he was hungry. I feel like the biggest idiot. I can't take any critisicm. Worst part is I always think she's the tzadeikus and I'm the hypersensitve one that doesn't get along with anyone.


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mouse
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10/17/13 3:43 PM
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Not ignoring you...nursing a headache following a noisy field trip with my kid....I think the mother has one set of expectations and you another. Now that you know she wants you to clean after taking care of the baby, you can choose to do it or not. Accept it as she wants things her way. She is no tzakeikus. She is just as good as you or me. She may not realize she's even being hurtful. Perhaps there are better ways she could have phrased things. (I think there probably were better ways.) Don't take it as a masure to how good or not you are. Just realize this parent is demanding.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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10/17/13 5:30 PM
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I also blame myself when things go wrong. The other person is always right and everything is my fault.....
My dr. says--enough of being a victim. Take charge and look at things differently.
At my age, I should know all this. But I don't and it's a very uphill climb.
 
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star
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10/17/13 10:38 PM
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thanks guys.....zero energy but felling a little better...


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Cutiestarr
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10/17/13 11:04 PM
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It's probably not your fault. She sounds like a stressed out mommy (like me)
 
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channafofanna
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10/20/13 6:10 AM
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(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))) glad to hear your feeling a bit better...
 
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star
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10/21/13 8:13 AM
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thanks. moved into a new place but theres bugs galore and toilet overflowed......


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channafofanna
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10/21/13 9:46 AM
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ooooo... thats bad!!! but im glad you have aplace!! stay strong!!!
 
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mouse
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10/22/13 10:24 AM
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hugs


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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10/23/13 6:28 PM
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got into a small car accident last nite, wasnt hurt but traumatized.it was a taxi so now im scared to go in taxis.


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toy123
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10/23/13 7:53 PM
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Yea that cld b traumatic but u have to be stronger than ur fear and still go in taxi's. That's ur only way of communicating no?


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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mouse
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10/24/13 3:53 PM
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....try to get into another. the sooner the better. otherwise you will have this big mountain in your way. hope you're ok. those things stink.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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10/25/13 12:43 AM
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i did, new taxi service. reached a new low tonight. my doc implied that im fat and ugly so first i was gonna try to find some guys who want me but of course no luck since im so un attractive so i started watching porn.....and guess what gd, i dont feel the least bit guilty. you freakin know how hard i tried to find a normal guy who would want me.....and now my sisters getting engaged after my bro did and im not happy im jealous and freaKIN MAD THAT IM LEFT BEHIND. oh before u turn up ur nose at me, try walking a mile in my shoes....


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keep climbing
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10/25/13 6:37 AM
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(((HUGS)))
I'm sorry you're in so much pain, star. I think your reaction to your sister's engagement is perfectly normal. I mean, we are people, made of flesh and blood, and not machines that don't have feelings.
I don't think anyone on this site is judging you. I think it's a safe place (at least for me) and you don't have to worry about that, at least.
 
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