I know I now I might be insensitive, and have no right to just come in here and write, and that I don’t know how it feels to be in your shoes and ect...
that being said I still would like to add in my two cents which you could ignore, not read, not listen too.... if you don’t want to.

I had a difficult background and by the time I got married, for the most part had enough with yiddishkeit. I have to admit that I wasn’t so careful with the halacohs when I was a niddah, but the one thing I made sure to be careful with was all the halachos that had to be done to go to the mikvah, even though it made me so so nervouse. When I came out of the mikvah I was always mutar. Now that I have a child I have to tell you that I would have NEVER EVER forgiven myself if I had had him when I wasn’t mutar. It’s one thing if I want to do things that may not be muttar, but to mess things up for my child? Maybe he will believe in this stuff. Even the times I was on birth control, I still was careful, what if that one percent chance I'd get pregnant happens? This is a bit off topic, but I didn’t think I would be so capable having a child, but now that I did I have to tell you that although it’s hard, it was the best thing I've ever done. He is my motivation to work on myself. It’s because of him that I try so hard and I'm were I am now. (I'm not saying there aren’t times when its isn’t warranted to go on birth control - I've been on it myself. just sometimes we don’t realize what we really are capable of, and just focus on the bad and not on the good it could do for us)

Please forgive me if I hurt you in anyway. I know you probably just came here for some empathy. I also hope I didnt sound like some bigshot that I kept that - so many things I didnt keep. I totally agree with you that hilcos nida has everything to do with anxiety and feel that was such an insensitive thing for someone to say.

Mazal Tov on your upcoming marriage.

thank u toy once again defending me. u might be the only one on this site who rly understands me and that makes me feel a drop less alone. thank u.

growing, some of it was hurtful. but thanks for validating in the last sentence. and u said forgive me so u took the blame off me. everyones always blaming me.

so heres an article i wrote. i actually sent it to the nytimes but they didnt take it.
Facing rejection again and again: I'm done:

I just hung up the phone with a famous Rav, Rav **** in brooklyn whos supposed to be understanding of mental health.
I needed to ask him some very sensitive questions that relate to marriage and how to keep it , suffering from tremendous anxiety. And depression in the past.

He proceeded to humiliate me by saying he didnt understand my problem and when i mentioned i thought he dealt with mental health, he accused me of accusing him. I started crying and he wouldnt even say sorry.

Last year I needed a heter regarding media and called rabbi shusterman in LA who made me feel terrible about the things i need to do to distract from my thoughts. He was impatient to say the least.

I am trying to get through to rabbi nyman from vishnitz but he doesnt get back to me.

I have a therapist but hes more modern so i wanted to find understanding from a higher authority so i can feel im staying frum.

But no. For those of you who might judge and say im passing the blame onto the rabbis, trying standing a minute in my shoes. Someone with tremendous anxiety and depression is someone who has a thousand self criticizing thoughts coming at their brain per minute. No, we cant snap out of it. No, meds are not always the answer. What we need is love and support but thanks to the huge stigma, that is exactly whats so sorely lacking.

So I ask you: where do I turn to be able to stay frum but not feeling I have to die to keep it?

Who do I trust who wont mock my questions and judge my behaviors and choices?

Right now I feel so hurt and resentful that I feel incapable of keeping any halacha. I'm done.

(to the commenters: anyone who is going to blame me or put down this article, can ask themselves: have i ever suffered from severe depression or MI to be able to pass judgement?
I thought not.So please. People with MI will be reading all the comments and the more you hurt, the less they'll feel like staying in the frum world.)

Thank you for printing this article.

Just saw this. (((Hugs))) You know I'm not scared of you, star . I don't know if I have anything helpful to say though. I haven't been able to reach Rabbi Neiman either. Rabbi **** is a Rav, not a therapist. I have spoken to him several times. He's usually very rushed, with people constantly calling on the other line. You can ask him yes/no questions, but don't expect him to take the time to empathize. Anyway, I don't know if this is helpful at all. I do believe that there are rabbis out there who do understand and are able to empathize. I've had my own negative experiences too. But I haven't lost my faith in rabbis yet.

How are the wedding preparations going? And how do you feel about it?

I agree with u both. I once went to a very famous rav - I’m sure you all heard of him, with my husband. We had a question on whether I could use birth control - we were very nervous about kids. Supposedly he’s supposed to be understanding of these things but instead he kept falling asleep on us - literally!! To be fair, he had to squish us in after a whole day - he really didn’t have time for us, but seriously to mommish fall asleep??? finally we just left. Since then I lost faith in just about anyone who doesn’t have training in MI. Although my husband eventually spoke to Rabbi Reisman who was pretty nice. Maybe try talking to him?

Thanks star for making me feel a little better. i truly did not mean to hurt u. it was just something i felt strongly about so i couldn’t control myself - it wasn’t personal. I hope you forgive me.

Your right toy, i should have wrote it in a pm. i wasn’t thinking. You seem like a really loyal friend to have.

ok.....i highly reccomend RAV NYMAN of vishnitz monsey, he was compassionate understanding and non pushy at all. hashem should bless him for keeping me frum. aka the ocd rabbi.

That's great! Glad it worked out. Thanks for letting us know - I'll hold on to his number. Do you need some special protektzia to get an appointment?

wow Star, I'm happy for you that you found a Rav who is understanding- something that from my own experience is very hard to come by.
When is your wedding?
I just got home from israel and I want to tell you and the others here on FS that I prayed at the Kotel that all of you should find peace of mind.
wishing you only good things- an easy transition and happiness.

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!! That sounds so terribly painful- having your family not give of themselves to you, ESPECIALLY at this time, and specifically your mother... I don't think any child can get used to a mother hurting them. I'm so sorry for your pain.
I think creating a place for people with mental illness is a caring act on your part. I'm gonna look it up iyH. thanks.
I am no expert on relationships (actuallly I am VERY far from it) and I hope i don't come across as giving advice bc thats not what this is meant to be, its just an observation. A wise person once told me that the relationship is not determined by the conflicts but rather the conflicts are opportunities to resolve and strengthen the relationship. I hope your connection gets deeper and deeper with each passing day.
xoxoxox

Mazel tov, star! And amein to what I'mTrying said. I can't even imagine what it's like when a parent doesn't show up for sheva brachos. (((Hugs)))

thanks guys. but we keep fighting. i feel like another failure at s/t, a wife.

i.e. today he called me from work and pestered me about where my rings r and why im not wearing it, and i told him it makes me anxioous and stop asking me about it and he keeps asking so i explode and then feel guilty, nasty cycle but i cant seem to do in btwn ignoring and screaming. then he bugs me about cars in the driveway like im cheating on him c'v, about my tznius, music etc. after i spent the afternoon cooking dinner and laundry which isnt easy for me. but he wants me to be grateful for him working etc. it goes on and on. it hurts so bad.


were seeing my t tonite but idk if it will help cuz i think he feels threatened by my closeness to my t. but i cant wean off yet.

i never knew marriage would be this hard guys. you warned me but it didnt hit me til now. ok yes id rather be married and fighting then alone and depressed but this is getting to me. im trying not to feel guilty for being a bad wife but its SO HARD! i just want to cry and cry on someones shoulder but i cant cuz hes the person making me cry.
idk whats going on. cud be its my hormones from the bcpills but its HIM starting every fight. and hes very tired from new married physical life etc.....
help. no advice please. just validation and empathy. thanks gys.