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Replying to Topic: rage
Created On 3/17/14 6:26 PM by star


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keep climbing
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4/2/14 6:57 PM
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You don't always feel like this. The prePesach frenzy is hard for everybody. It's in the air.
 
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channafofanna
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4/3/14 1:58 PM
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I dont knoow you in the real world, Star, but I do know that the parts of you that I do know are far from horrible. Yes, you have a lot of pain and a lot going on, but you are definatley not horrible.
(and if it helps, we dont hate you here!!!)
Did you tell your doc that their triggereing you?
 
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tikvah
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4/3/14 5:14 PM
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thanks channa. yes and hes seeing me tmrw but the damage is done. im so depressed i cant leave the house.


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all you need is a leap of faith
 
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star
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4/4/14 5:07 PM
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went to doc and threw things. NOONE understands my RAGE!!!! Everyone just calls ,e a monster and abusive and mean but noone freaming understands hhow much I need to get it out! My doc said a pillow or punching bag ha what a joke. I need to scaream at everyone for inflictig so much pain on me! I need apologies!!! Do you hear me??? Does noone else feel this way???am I so crazy????


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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toy123
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4/4/14 5:57 PM
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I totally get u. I'm about to punch someone or hurt myself.....


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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tikvah
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4/4/14 6:42 PM
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thanks toy.


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all you need is a leap of faith
 
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keep climbing
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4/4/14 6:53 PM
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I used to have tons of rage and I found that writing therapy was helpful. It's not just writing your feelings. It's a guided way of expressing and channeling them. It's terribly painful to go thru, but I think it does help longterm. I did it thru books, but there must be some therapists who know about it.
Hatzlacha!
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/8/14 12:10 AM
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How are you doing, star? Sorry I wasn't very helpful before. I think a lot of us feel rage sometimes. I know I sometimes feel intense frustrations over little things. I know it's not those little things that cause it. It's been building up over many years. I've been meaning to ask my new therapist about it. After Pesach, I guess.
 
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tikvah
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4/8/14 7:57 PM
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i think my rage is on a higher level. or u have more self control and im a weak loser.

was doing better but today sucked. my aunt visited and implied i do nothing all day since i dont work.
then she told me my sisters made a scrapbook for my moms bday that noone told me about. how am i not supposed to feel hurt?
believe me they did not forget. prob has to do with the sister who called me abusive. i worte her a letter and she "sincerely" apologized but it only made me feel worse.

Now im irritated by my husband by the littlest things like when he says your hairs showing etc and then i get mad at myself for being an abusive wife.

hurting like hell.....


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all you need is a leap of faith
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/9/14 10:49 AM
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You probably have more rage built up. There must be a way to release it, but I don't know how. Yet.

That is very hurtful, not being including in the scrapbook. (((Hugs)))
 
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keep climbing
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4/10/14 7:11 AM
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Star, ((((HUGS))) I'm sorry you're in so much pain. It's hjust not fair!
Sometimes it feels like it's too much to bear I totally get that!
I hope things will pick up soon!
Rememb er, you are not alone. We are here with you!!!
 
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star
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4/10/14 10:00 PM
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thank you. Another hard day....


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/11/14 11:43 AM
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Hope today is a better day.
 
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star
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4/11/14 5:20 PM
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nope. I hate myself so completely. And doc said I'd be better married. Wll now I just feel like I can add the failure of being a horrible wife to the list. I saw my doc and then went to thw pharmacy and to me the phramacist was being rude and I said so and then the other customor turns and says he wasn't being rude.SO humilating I want to kill myself. So jealous of peretz!!! Then I yell at hubby for not being next to me and defending me and he's defensive and I name call. Now shabbos. Then pesach. Want to die so badly. How I am supposed to live with the feeling that I turn away everyone I know, I'm like a poisenous snake. And then doc says love urself. Wat a joke. It's not f###ing possible!!! And we moved and it's a mess. And hubby won't get a job and I'm so ANXIOUS for pesach last yr my sis called me abusive!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!!someone shoot me!!!!


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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keep climbing
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4/13/14 6:31 AM
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Yomtov is VERY STRESSFUL for everybody! The way I get thru it is by giving myself a lot of time to chill out-go to places that calm me , take time to do things I enjoy. Otherwise, I wouldn't make it.
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/13/14 9:08 AM
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I'm sorry it's so hard, star. (((Hugs))) I've known you here for a long time, and I know you're not a poisonous snake. I've seen you respond to people in pain with much care and compassion. You care deeply about others and always try to help. I think you have plenty of reasons to love yourself.
 
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toy123
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4/13/14 11:03 AM
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Star you're right it sucks right now and everything is black so you can't see properly. I can't promise cut I'm not Hashem and I wish I could say for sure that things will get better but I can't. I only daven for you that your life and the life of everyone on here gets better. But star don't beat yourself up for feeling the way u are. U r right life sucks now... A line my therapist always says all feelings are okay all behaviors are not. I hope you feel better really quick....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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star
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4/13/14 11:38 AM
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ouch. So my behaviors not ok, I guess ur saying.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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toy123
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4/13/14 12:38 PM
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Ouch? I was trying to commiserate with you but I guess I made a mistake answering. I'll just keep my mouth shut so I don't get into hot water again...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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tikvah
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4/13/14 4:58 PM
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see? i alienate everyone cuz im too freaking sensitive!!!! i hate myself.


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all you need is a leap of faith
 
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