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TOPIC TITLE: Pornography Addiction
Created On 5/2/06 10:07 AM
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gad
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11/13/07 2:41 AM
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David, hope things are going well for you. I wish you continued hatzlocho in your good efforts, and also in your efforts to help Nav and others. Besurois toivois.
 
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ringeddavid
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11/13/07 9:44 AM
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Hi all,
just wanted to let you know today i have completed 5 weeks of being clean i am so happy. ttyl
 
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su7kids
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Awesome David!!!


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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gad
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11/15/07 12:48 AM
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Good going David. I admire your determination. Hope to hear good news.
 
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ringeddavid
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11/18/07 12:12 AM
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Hi everyone,

I had a little advancement in my recovery, If you remember I was really uptight about anyone even my therapist knowing my identity. Well I was talking to him on the phone thursday night and for a few reasons i decided i would go see him. I drove down to his house and I chatted for a while in person with him. It was a breakthrough in the sense that he can get through to me better. i Hope this will advance my recover.

B"H this tuesday will be the annivesary of the 6th week of being clean and although my therapisgt said I have but to scratch the surface of what will need to get done I know I accomplished alot and I am really proud of myself. and if your wondering I am planning on making the six week milestone without a second thought..

david
 
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su7kids
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Wow, David, you have taken this recovery and run with it. Yes, you may have only scratched the surface, but heck, at least that surface is scratched!!! Great going about getting serious help!!!

Speaking for myself, I'm proud of you. I'm sure your supporters here are, too!!


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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ringeddavid
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I actually want to update all of you on how it went but I cant now. as you see its 8AM. BUT


I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU GUYS.

I HAVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT MY COMPUTER GOT A BAD UPDATE AND MESSED IT UP BAD. I HAD TO RECONFIGURE FROM WHEN I RECIEVED FROM THE FACTORY, SO THAT MEANT THAT THE SOFTWARE I HAVE ON MY LAPTOP WAS DELETED, AND GUESS WHAT IVE BEEN ON MY LAPTOP FOR OVER 6 HOURS AND I HAVENT EVEN BEEN TEMPTED TO EVEN LOOK INTO BAD SITES!! YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF MY SELF!!!

DONT WORRY AS SOON AS MY WIFE GETS UP WE WILL INSTALL IT TOGETHER LIKE WE HAVE DONE IN THE PAST
 
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ringeddavid
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I am reading the last post I put up and it sounds a bit foolish, I was up all night and I really was overtired/excied about my feat anyway,

I wanted to get back to the first post I spoke about opening up tho my therapist. I never thought I would tell him, nor do it so fast I dont really know what got over me , if any one knows please let me know, but I told him my name and he pretty much knows the real me, I dont regret it that I told him nor am I scared I am just a bit skeptical about how that changes the result of my progress. If anyone has any thought please share that why we are all here.

Thank you to all of you and my appreciation grows day by day for all of you
 
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shtarkebachur
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yeah yeah yeah!!!!!!
i am really enjoying reading your posts these days, dave. hatzlacha!


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Enjoying life while fighting anxiety!
 
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gad
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David, I'm very excited for you. Thank you for the good news.

As for telling your therapist who you are, I think that you did it because you felt that this would give you better support. And a lot of times it's important to go with your feelings when it makes sense, and in this case it does.

In general professionals have codes of professional confidence, so you can be pretty confident that this will be so.

Hope things get even better for you, and that we continue to hear good news.
 
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ringeddavid
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Hi every one,

Thank you all for your support

With Gratitude and thanks to Hashem We would like to Thank Hashem for blessing my wife and I with a healthy beautiful baby girl. Mazal Tov.

I would like to know if anyone has some thought about the last few posts that I posted. Gad true its is good to go with feelings and even sub concious ones. I just don't see the connection to getting support by opening up to him. As well as I know that there is a professional code and that's part of why I went to him. after I built a trusting relationship with him I felt I could trust him. I not speaking about my therapist when I say this but you can never be too carefull. If any one has somethoughts about this I'd love to get your opinion.

David
 
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su7kids
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11/21/07 8:33 PM
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Mazaltov on the baby girl!! That's very exciting.

Personally, I'm not too sure what you are asking in the rest of your question.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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gad
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11/22/07 12:28 AM
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Mazal Tov, may you and your wife have much Yiddishe Nachas.


I think that when two people know each other, then the connection between the two can be stronger, and therefore the help that one gives the other can be stronger.

It's maybe a bit like the difference between a virtual smile on the computer, and a real smile.
 
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NeedAdvice90
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11/25/07 6:47 PM
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I have a problem and need advice. I have recently discovered that my brother has been strongly watching and searching for nude photos, porn etc., I don't know exactly how often, but it is enough for me to be very concerned. How should I approach the situation. Do I confront him? Do I inform my parents?
I am at a loss, and I know I can't just forget this, allowing him to sink deeper.
If you guys can help I would be grateful.
Thank you.
 
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su7kids
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11/25/07 8:16 PM
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How old is your brother? Do you think he may want to change?


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NeedAdvice90
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I dont wont to give away too much info but he is in his twenties. I hope he wants to change, and I would think he would want to. I dont know for sure because he doesnt know I know, and we havent spoken about it.
 
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su7kids
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In his 20's, will he still listen to your parents? Legally, he's an adult.

Maybe you could approach it by saying something like "IF I knew something about someone that I thought was inappropriate, that they were doing something inappropriate, do you think I should confront them and offer help?" and he may understand its him, but depending on what answer he gives you, you'll know if he's willing to hear or not????

Just a thought.


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NeedAdvice90
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He is an adult, yes, and I don't think my parents can effectively tell him to do, or not do something, at his age.
It is a good idea to subtley hint at it but I am wary of confronting him because he will probably become upset at me, and I dont want to damage our relationship.
Do I just hope he gets help on his own? (I feel like that is not such a good option either.)
 
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su7kids
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Leave him a typed, anonymous note????


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NeedAdvice90
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Another good idea! I guess I have to think about this more- Ive just found out so...
What do you think about me telling my other sibling(s), in order to get advice?

Thank you for all your responses so far, I really appreciate it!
 
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kivunulo
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11/25/07 10:17 PM
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maybe email him the adress to this site?
 
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su7kids
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Don't tell your siblings. The more people you tell the harder it will be for him. Either you handle it yourself, or ask your parents to get involved, but leave the siblings out of it. I'm sure he's embarrassed enough as it is, and will be mortified when he finds out you know.

If you want to help him, help him, but keep the siblings out of it.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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NeedAdvice90
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I can understand that. Thank you for making me reconsider.
 
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gad
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I think that in order to bring about change, you need to bring an authority figure, like your parents, into the picture. They in turn can bring other authorities, like a Rabbi or therapist.

If you say anything to your brother, your brother may resent it, and he may even restrict you from telling your parents.

Probably the best move is to show the proof on the computer to your parents, when your brother isn't there. Ask your parents to tell your brother that they decided to check the computer, and they saw it. This way your brother would hopefully not find out that you were the source, and there would be less embarrassment to him, and no harm in your relationship with him.

If your brother asks you if you said anything, then I think you can rely on the rule that for the sake of peace, one may change his words. So you can't lie, but you can answer in a way that implies a peaceful answer. Or perhaps similar to the way Yaakov anwered Yitzchak when he took the blessings.

Hope things work out OK.


Edited: 11/26/07 at 12:10 AM by gad
 
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NeedAdvice90
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gad-
I really think your suggestion is the way to go, thank you. Hopefully this will help him without embarrassing him.

I will think more about this though, and continue to ask for any other suggestions.

This is a very delicate and scary situation for me to be involved in, and I do not want to harm my family in any way by having this out, but I know I should, or at least I think I should, help him.
 
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su7kids
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I agree with Gad's idea, too. Go for it.


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NeedAdvice90
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Thanks - I hope all will be well.

I will hopefully have a good update in the near future.
 
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gad
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Quote

Originally posted by: NeedAdvice90
having this out


Telling your parents is not 'having it out.'

So by telling your parents, it still remains within the family.

It will up to your parents to decide if they should get outside help. And if they do decide to get outside help, it is usually done in a very confidential way.




Edited: 11/26/07 at 1:53 AM by gad
 
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gad
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Quote

Originally posted by: NeedAdvice90
but I know I should, or at least I think I should, help him.


By telling, you are allowing your parents the chance to help, and you are giving your brother the chance to be helped. I understand your concerns, but I think that by bringing help to your brother, you are making the best move.


I don't think it is necessary, but you may want to ask a Rav, perhaps saying that you are asking about a friend. (Although a friend may be different than a brother.)

Hope to hear good news.

 
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kivunulo
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count me three to gads idea
 
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ringeddavid
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Hi everyone sorry I have not been able to comment lately, I've just been a tad busy with things.

I just want to let you know that today I have completed 7 complete and straight weeks with out slipping. AS i have been lately I am really happy abouyt this!!
 
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su7kids
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David, that is awesome. Do you feel like you've "conquered" it, or do you think you are just "controlling" it now?

This is fantastic news.

I know you can be proud of yourself.


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gad
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David, congratulations and best wishes for continued success in an ever growing measure.

Su7, I once heard that the yetzer hora (evil inclination) isn't conquered in a day, it's an ongoing struggle.
But there is no question that David has worked hard, and he has the momentum going, and success breeds success.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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ringeddavid
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Hi all,

Su7 I still feel threatened by it sometimes even i have been clean for almost 8 weeks (coming Tuesday) i dont feel like it is concoured yet. I was ewondering that that shabbos. I knw o'm winnning the battle but when does a person gaim "shlita" over this isuue. any got an idea let me know
 
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su7kids
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David, I agree with Gad, I don't know if its ever conquered, I think one gets to a point where one doesn't act upon desires. I don't think those of us who don't deal with these challenges daily NEVER have a curiosity or desire, we just don't act upon them., and that will be what you will reach, eventually, I hope.


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ringeddavid
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hi everyone,

just wanted to let you know that today i reached 2 months of being clean. anyone have any ideas for a reward? niot saying that i need a reward to do the right thing, just a reward to make me feel good
 
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su7kids
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A big smile, a pat on the back, and a chocolate! Great going!


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gad
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We're proud of you.

give yourself $100, and buy yourself something nice.

Happy Chanukah.
 
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shtarkebachur
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go out for ice cream. it works for me. especially with a friend. for you, i guess you can use your wife for that purpose.


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ringeddavid
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Hi all just wanted to let you know yesterday I completed week 9 of. Staying clean. Hope everyonr is well. PS where did everyone go?
 
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su7kids
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Yay, David

Shtarkebachur, I know you don't get online very often, but how are you doing in Israel?????


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kivunulo
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where dont worry. its great to see yu come this far, may hashem help you to keep it up!!!
 
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shtarkebachur
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hi, i'm doing pretty good here. it's a ton of fun, i have some pretty good friends, and i'm really growing. i feel a stronger connection to hashem than i used to. i'm happier in general.


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gad
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David, way to go.

Have a gut voch.
 
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1dayatatime
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?????
I would like to introduce myself and join the discussion. I am a PA that is in recovery. I am very heartened to see there is a resource like this one for helping us become ba'al teshuvah and dealing with P addiction from a Jewish perspective. I will post more later.

Shalom


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"I shall not place an evil things before my eyes" -Tehillim 101:3
 
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gad
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Originally posted by: shtarkebachur
hi, i'm doing pretty good here. it's a ton of fun, i have some pretty good friends, and i'm really growing. i feel a stronger connection to hashem than i used to. i'm happier in general.


I'm happy that you are happy, and growing well. May you continue to go from strength to strength in all good things, and we should continue to have lots of Yiddishe nachas from you.
 
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gad
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Originally posted by: 1dayatatime
?????
I would like to introduce myself and join the discussion. I am a PA that is in recovery. I am very heartened to see there is a resource like this one for helping us become ba'al teshuvah and dealing with P addiction from a Jewish perspective. I will post more later.

Shalom



Welcome. Thanks for your kind words.

Teshuva is something for every Jew, so you have alot in common with every Jew.

Hope to hear good news.


 
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shtarkebachur
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amen. and the same to you. you are a great man.


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ringeddavid
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Hi all,
Sorry I missed this week I tried to post but I wasn't able to hit the reply button so I didn't go. anyways this past tuesday was week 10 of being clean and I'm way into my 11th week. Does anyone know what happens next, I've been on this plateau for a while (not that I don't like it here) but what's the next level?

Welocome 1dayatatime, there are a lot of great people here for you. I'd don't know where I'd be with out this forum, If you have real pressing issues pm the administrator he can direct you to the right people. He helped me a lot.
 
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su7kids
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David, not sure what you mean by a "plateau" What level are you trying to reach? You're not doing it anymore, what is the next level? Isn't this IT? Just keep endorsing?

Or do you still have a "desire" to do it? I don't know how abnormal that is, those who desire just control the desire and don't do anything about it. I don't know what more you can do, short of keep on coming to this part of this site and helping others who are still struggling.


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Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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