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TOPIC TITLE: Pornography Addiction
Created On 5/2/06 10:07 AM
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gad
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6/13/06 11:17 PM
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I think that humor still has it's therapeutic possiblities; although, in retrospect, maybe in a private session, and not on this forum where people could be offended. Sorry.


And I hope that the ultimate humor will come for us all very soon, when it says that we will all refer to our father Yitzchak (which means "and he will laugh"),

because "oz yemolei sechoik pinu" (our mouths will then be filled with laughter) with the coming of Moshiach very soon.


Edited: 6/13/06 at 11:18 PM by gad
 
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Debbi
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6/14/06 12:45 PM
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No!
I dont agree.
Even in private there is NOTHING humourous about a child molester!

Whats with you anyway Gad?
Do you have any feelings or emotions, or is it all "quote, quote quote"?
Whats up with you,? I fail to understand, are you the unofficial Frum Support Rabbi here?
I didnt know we needed one.
I'm not trying to be facitious, its just that I've kind of had it, with all your "solutions" to all emotional pain.

Are you ever going to come forward with your own suffering?
Or is it only all of us who put themselves out here, while you soothe us with your quotations.

Come on, open up.
Allow us to help you with whatever it is that brings you here so often.
We might have some helpful ideas. You never know.

Sorry,
I needed to say this.
You just made me so angry by even insinuating that s*xual predators can be humoured.

They cannot!
Should not!
They dont deserve your time of day.
Dont you get it??

They destroy lives, for their own sick pleasures.
10 year old girls!
How many little girls has he ruined?
How many girls are suffering intense pain because of this creep?

Please Gad, have a little more sympathy for the good people.
Leave the creeps to fend for themselves.

debi
 
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ernie55B
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6/14/06 3:46 PM
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Hi Debbi,

Sorry to read (on other post) that you are still so down. Maybe you need to do some more venting like this.
You are right on target about there being no room for humor when it comes to creeps.
Might it be therapeutic for you to shout out at the people who hurt you?
I know you have written in the past about it, but maybe you need to yell and scream right here on this forum
at your abusers more often.

Again, I know nothing about PTSD, but this is just a thought that might be helpful.

Feel good, please.
Ernie
 
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gad
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6/14/06 4:06 PM
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Debbi,

I'm sorry you feel this way.

I prefer to wait for things to calm down for you before answering.

Hope to hear good news from you soon.


Edited: 6/15/06 at 1:13 PM by gad
 
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luvshtygen
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6/21/06 3:31 PM
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I created this forum for one reason and one reason only. TO HELP THOSE IN NEED WHO HAVE SOME KIND OF SXUAL ADDICTION. People might say types of acting out that might affend other people. If these people can't talk about their issues in here without getting slammed then where can they talk about it. If you are not here to listen to people's issues and help then this is not the forum for you. Yes molestation is a terrible thing and nobody should ever be exposed to it, but I give a lot of credit to the person who realizes it is a problem and coming forth for help. Nobody needs to joke or throw comments that will not help him in his recovery. Please think before posting. These issues are a lot deeper then all of you think.

Thank You,

Luvshtygen
Recovering Sx Addict
 
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Debbi
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6/22/06 11:05 PM
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Did you read buddy's comments?
Did you see his PM's to me?

Buddy is not looking for help, of that I can assure you.

I am interested in understanding what "types of acting out" actually means to you?
Are you insinuating that molesting a child or raping a woman is acting out??
Do you know that it is a criminal act, and that an offender can land up in jail?

So what are you saying?
That pornography addiction is more than just an addiction? I thought we clarified that issue. I understood from our previous communication that an addict is not someone who commits a crime.

But for arguments sake lets say an offender were to post here, with the serious mindset that he was sorry for the crime he commited and was looking for support. I can hear that. Why not? He is truthfuly remorseful, and is trying to better himself.

This is not what happened here.
This guy was sending inappropiate PM's all over the place. He didnt sound very sorry for molesting those girls, and worst of all he lands here on a support forum seeking more excitement.

How can you condone that?

He is a creep!
He most definately is,
and please bear in mind that "creep" is a mild word to describe what he really is!
 
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Penina2006
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6/27/06 12:29 PM
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debbie!
were u molested??? if yes--i would like 2 tell u that so was i!!!!!!!!!

luv,
pen
 
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Debbi
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6/28/06 5:34 PM
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yes penina I was.
sorry to hear that you were too, but I'm really glad that you were able to share it, because it makes me feel less alone and afraid.

If you care to talk more I would be really happy to.

Thank you.
debbi
 
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Penina2006
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7/10/06 3:52 PM
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debbie,

how old are u? & how old were u when this happened? im so happy to know im not in this, alone!
Thank you so much dear!

waiting to hear from you very soon,
Penina
 
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bubbles
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7/10/06 11:43 PM
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started at around 4 and ended at age 10.
its really hard to talk about since it was a close family member.

I'm married now with beautiful children and a wonderful husband.

thanks again for allowing me the knowledge that I am not alone in my pain and sorrow.

Can u tell me a bit more about your experiences?
tc
debbi
 
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SaraSmith
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7/11/06 1:03 AM
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Debbie, How were you able to get married and have kids withthe memories of the abuse? Didn't it make it hard for your husband to touch you?
 
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Penina2006
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7/11/06 10:14 AM
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Wow! im glad im speaking to u!
#1 my perpetrator was also a close family member
#2 it gives me comfort that u are happily married w/ kids B"H-- i never cease to worry how im gonna make it in a marriage, especially since i recently became engaged! actually-- its not that im not happy--im ecstatic!!! its just that i hope i wont have any terrible flashbacks--especially in the beginning...

Anyways... thanx for listening,
waiting to hear from u--

Penny
 
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bubbles
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7/13/06 9:11 AM
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Hi Penny,

Mazal Tov!!

I decided to move this thread to the GENERAL MENTAL HEALTH forum.
Hope thats okay with u, I guess we should leave the "Addiction" forum to those who need it.

So check out my post in "General", under the title "child abuse"

see u there!
 
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4702125952
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7/14/06 12:07 PM
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Thanks, Debbi. You support my sentiments. There is no humor when it comes to molestation.

There is something very evil in taking advantage of innocents. I don't care what's driving the urge. The first rule of decency is: "My being hurt (mistreated, abused, neglected, molested) does not give me the right to hurt (mistreat, abuse, etc.) others". Keeping to this tenet is what makes the difference between two people from abused pasts making choices about how to live their lives: hurt others--or protect others from the hurt one has suffered.

I know this sounds preachy--but it's worth it if someone sees the truth.
 
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kivunulo
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Somebody wrote that he thought its just his yetzer hora then he found out its an addiction.

Actually adiction to an aveirah is the yetzer hora, as the gemara says (avodah zara 5a) "r' eluzer says one who transgresses a sin is bound to it like a dog", and in kedushin (20a) "ovar veshuna nases lo k'heter" - "when somebody sins repeatedly it becomes to him as if it is not a sin". and in pirkei avos "aveira goreres aveira" "one sin brings the other". the gemarah in brachos (61b ) "reshaim yetzer hara shoftan" - the yetzer hora is the boss of the rasha, meaning that it is very hard for him not to listen actually almost impossible.

Our holy teachers asses this specific addiction, yosef hatzadik of pozna son in law of the noda beyehuda says on the verse in tehillim (36, 5) "avan yachshov al mishkavo yisyatzeiv al derech lo tov ra lo yimus" the sin that is "mishkavcha" -***** by transgressing it you stand on the way that is not good. and the divrei chaim the tzanzer rav zt"l parshas shoftim says (on the verse mentioned above) that once you are on the wrong way its hard to get back on the righ path.

The rambam (h' isurei biuh) says that the hardest thing in the torah to do is "perushas arayos" - to overcome this addiction, the be'er mayim chaim parshas nosoh explains that because the person is born through it therfore it is very hard to stop (this explanation is also found in the radak on tehillim (51, 7)) . and all bad things from the person come from this sin.
as you see our sages and teachers were aware of this yetzer hora/addiction and spoke about how hard it is to help it.

How to overcome this yetzer horah, truly it is not in the scope of a human because the yetzer hora is a malach, and the human is weaker than an angel, but because g-d commanded us to overcome it, we see that it is possible, becaus hashem helps us as the gemara sucah (32b) says "ilmaleh hakodush boruch hu ozro lo yuchol lo" if not for g-d's help a person would not be able to overcome the yetzer hora.

the rambam says the way to overcome this addiction to fill ones thought's with torah.
R' moshe chaim lotzatu zt"l in his sefer mesulas yeshurim (perek 5) quotes the chazal (kedushin 30b) g-d says i created the yetzer hora and i created the torah to diminish the yetzer horah" and he continues to explain that if hakodosh boruch hu himself who created the yetzer horah says that the only way to heal it is through torah it is impossible to heal in a different way and if a person thinks that there is a different way is in denial and living in a mistake and he will see his mistake at the end when he will die with his sins.

The peleh yoetz (erech hisoirerus) writes that to explain to a person his worngings so that he should stop doing them, depends on the person, for the person can be in a state of awakeness then it will be easy but the person can be sleeping you will have to wake him up it is harder but with the right things you can wake him (or one can wake oneself) depending on how deep he is sleeping, but if he is dead you cannot wake him because a dead person does not even feel a knife stuck in him, all these states of the person depends on how much and how deeply he sinned for there are some that sinned so bad that they are like dead people nobody can wake them and they cannot wake themselves their neshamos are dead and that is what the gemara berachos (18b) means by saying "reshoem even in their lifetime are called dead" an it is almost impossible for them to return - do teshuavh.

But there is one way for even this dead neshama to awake if he would try with all his might to overcome his yetzer hora to learn or to hear from somebody else torah constantly by day and night even if it is very hard for him the torah will heal him and awaken him and will help him return.

There is also another way if hakodosh boruch hu will help that he will give him the oppertunity to do a great mitzvah the light of this great mitzvah will shine into him and revive him and he finishes by relating a a story that there was once a great rasha who did aveiros rachmana litzlun and once for a joke he went to a tzadik to ask if he can do teshuva, the tzadik who recognized his intentions, showed him his walking stick and said when this stick will bear fruit then you will be able to do teshuva, and the rasha went away later that tzadik saw that the stick started growing fruit, he quickly sent to call back that rasha and showed him the stick and asked what great thing did you do that hakodosh boruch hu wants you to do teshuva, and he told the tzadik that he saw another rasha open up a grave of a young girl who died to **** her, and he killed him for g-d's sake, so the tzadik said because of this great mitzvah g-d is helping you and in the end that rasha became a tzadik.

Some people over here wrote that a support group helps it is not a conflict with what i wrote above, in truth the noam elimelech (husnahages haodom) writes about this solution, and he says that "every person should choose a good friend with whom he will tell all his unpure thoughts and deeds, so he will be able to overcome them".
but of course he also needs the torah to help him like mentioned above, i think...

Well now let me tell you i had this problem i was addicted to porn-- on the net.... let me tell you from personal experience it is true it is a very strong yetzer horah i am working on it 4 yrs. already and its hard. i got a lot better with g-d's help and i davened tohashem to help and so far he is helping me.
it is very hard because at first it seems like you are fighting a loosing battle but the secret is dont give up even if it doesnt work at first.
I am glad to help any other people who have a problem and i think that this forum is a great idea.
but we cannot forget we are jews and we go by the ways of our sages for as we know that is the real truth.

I keep a diary for every time i don't overcome my yetzer horah i write down it helps too, this is mentioned in sefer noam megadim.

By the way there is sefer called teharas hakodesh from the late toldas aharon rebbe r' aharon roth zt"l, with lots of help on this subject it helped and is still helping me alot for anybody who wants help learn it.

Amar r' akuva lifnei mee atem meteharen umi metaher eschem avuchem shebashumayim, (yuma 85b).



Edited: 3/9/07 at 2:57 PM by kivunulo
 
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rockybrown
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2/6/07 4:27 PM
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menachem, i know you wrote youre post a while ago, but i wanted to say thakyou for youre post it was very interesting and you sound like youve developed youreself ALOT. halevay that id write down every time i had a fall in my yiddishkeit.
i wanted to ask you if you know where exactly i could buy this book "taharas hakodesh" by the late toldos aharon rebbe.- thanks


-------------------------
~when the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box~
 
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kivunulo
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rb thank yoy very much for your support every word helps you can order the sefer here
http://nehora.com/moreinfo.cfm?Product_ID=2131
it's in hebrew
there is a newer print out already but i could not find it on the net.
good luck


Edited: 3/9/07 at 2:57 PM by kivunulo
 
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rockybrown
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thanks, yeh ill bh live with the hebrew i can do it, i just feel like im back in school
yesterday my friend told me how shes decided to stop watching movies and we were joking that wed pay millions to get some of the dumb "latest release" movies weve watched out of our heads.i stopped bh like 3 yrs ago but every time im in a convo with not yet frum ppl, and a movie ive watched comes up im consistently surprised at how graphically i remember the movies content... thats life huh, we gotta live with our mistakes


-------------------------
~when the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box~
 
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kivunulo
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happy to hear you stopped, but you know ppl sometimes think that because they stopped you can let your guard down, but in truth the y"h tries to get his "customers" back, so i cheer you on keep it up, and even if you do fall once, that does NOT mean that you started again, you have to pick yourself up and go on. that's life - up and down.
what you wrote that you remember the content, actually same here, but every time a thought comes in you'r mind you are supposed to think about something else, doing this you have a big mitzvah, and this is how you fix the mistake, i know its hard but thats what hashem wants from us NOW after the mistake so you just have to keep a smile on our face and try our best.

good luck


Edited: 3/9/07 at 2:57 PM by kivunulo
 
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JewThatCares
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I have had this addiction and let me tell you it can not be resolved with a monitoring process.
B'H' I have received help through a counseling process. I am currently studying to to be a social worker and there can be a variety of psychological reasons that can cause someone to be addicted to a variety of things including alcohol, illegal substances or pornography. There can be differing situations and different causes and each individual themselves can be addicted to pornography for different reasons.
My addiction was caused by both inappropriate parenting as well ans an intense traumatic experience that I experienced while i was a youngster. These experiences caused me to search for s/t that both soothed me from my anxiety as well as gave me an outlet for pleasure in a life where i was not experiencing any.
I love Jews and let me tell that this addiction is a very painful one but there is hope and if people care they can be helped with counseling and clinical advice and methods that can teach someone to develop alternative methods of living as well as new coping methods for anxiety situations. B'H klall yisrael has kind individuals that are dedicated to helping those in need.
 
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JewThatCares
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There are no pointers. A person who is not willing to change can only do so (from others) if they are presented with an ultimatum. My spouse found out about my addiction but I had allready begun to see counseling. When my rabbi explained to her that my actions were not a reflection on her but rather caused by my very painful childhood experiences.It was a terrible time for both of us but B'H we have continued onward.
Someone who is not willing to admit there is an issue or does not realize there is a problem with their actions (which although this does not sound like the truth can very well be so) must be presented with an ultimatum, that is if you really want him to change and are not willing to overlook his actions. I hope my comments are helpful
 
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JewThatCares
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I was helped without a support group just with counseling
 
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JewThatCares
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Debbi,
I was addicted to porn.
Let me explain to you why it was an addiction. I used pornography to calm myself whenever i felt like the world was crashing down on me. I f someone uses alcohol to calm themselves and make themselves feel good, then someone can very well use pornography to make themselves feel good. Every time i had stress i resorted to pornography to calm myself. Is that not the essence of an addiction, the use-age of a pleasure giving substance or action to calm oneself from an unhealthy life or depression? I was addicted to this to help me cope with my horrible life circumstances which included psychological, physical and emotional abuse while I was still a child. Let me further explain that I was also used alcohol on a steady basis as a means to calm myself and take me away from this world albeit for a short period of time
 
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kivunulo
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thank yof JTC, every time somebody joins and tells us that he overcame this addiction it adds to my, (and i suppose all of us), determination to succeed and overcome this addiction and not sucumb to the nisyonos "tovim shnayim min ha'echad" two are better than one.
i agree the first step is admitting you have a problem.

good shabbos


Edited: 3/9/07 at 2:58 PM by kivunulo
 
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JewThatCares
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This site is amazing. Everyone here that is struggling and looking for help gives G-D alot of pride as he sees his children battling to overcome their faults. For many years i struggled with the phenomena as to why G-D put me in this situation since I started using this as an outlet to calm myself while still a youngster without the aspect of aveyroh in the equation( i was to young to analyze my actions to determine if they were the TORAH way or not. I cna not explain why I chose ****ography as a means to calm myself. I felt horrible for my wife like I was living two lives to her. B'H i have worked and worked and fought with myself and everyone here that is fighting to rid themselves of this ****** deserves the world. I dont have the answers but I do know that regardless of the reason as to why a person started on this path G-D takes every battle that you fight and stores it in a special place. I love you all.
 
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kivunulo
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thank you again, by the way i also started when i was young and i did not know, i partially blame my parents and teacher's, therefore i want to notify all parents it is advized to explain to their children so they should know what NOT to do.



Edited: 3/9/07 at 2:59 PM by kivunulo
 
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teen
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i need help!
i know what im doing is wrong but i cant help myself, actually i dont really feel that i really want to help myself i am mixed up
??


Edited: 3/1/07 at 4:48 PM by teen
 
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JewThatCares
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Hey
Of course you have confused feelings.What you are doing makes you feel good. I had the same feelings for many years yet I did not have the courage to admit it to others.I commend you for speaking out. Yet let me tell you that although this makes you feel good and you want to continue, it will only end up killing you and destroying the ones you love. I now exactly how you feel.
 
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JewThatCares
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kivuluno
why do you think it was your parents fault and what should they not have done?!
 
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kivunulo
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3/3/07 10:13 PM
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first i was never told how big a sin it is actually i did not even know it was not allowed i thought its just a extra thing a middas chasidus , i dont know exactly, listen i didnt think alot then i was young,
and second of all they had the internet in the house
that makes it two things they should have done
1) told me what a big aveirah it is.
2) done something about the internet.
but then again they probably thought that my theachers taught me that and about the internet in those years it still was not so publicly shunned, and they probably did not know exactly what one can do as you see they really dont know anything about technology, forget about computers, and even if they did know something they thought i was a goody goody that just wont do anything bad.
so im asking all parents DONT trust your kids in those stuff, even if they are the best, and please dont think YOUR kids are different you will just ruin them (talking from personal experience).


Edited: 4/5/07 at 11:47 PM by kivunulo
 
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kivunulo
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3/3/07 10:17 PM
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teen, i also know how you feel, because i was there too, you just got to fight fight fight ... if you know what i mean. dont give up even if it does not work.


keep smiling and happy HAPPY PURIM everyone, it is a time to turn over a new leaf - v'nohopoch hu.
GOOD LUCK



Edited: 3/9/07 at 2:58 PM by kivunulo
 
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teen
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thanx jtc for clearing the ??

kivunulo; i also have the same two problems you wrote.
also what you wrote about the noam elimelech that you should find a friend to tell him everything i wish i wouldn't be embarassed to do that, i wish i would find somebody to tell him because i really think that would help me,.
i cant just post all my stuff over here right so im kind'a stuck
meanwhile i will try to fight myself (i hope it will work).
cheer me on i will need it.
thanx again you all.


Edited: 3/5/07 at 7:34 PM by teen
 
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kivunulo
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3/7/07 7:44 PM
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teen
i wish i would be able to help you, i will try whatever i can,
meanwhile cheers for starting the fight and dont give up i posted something to help people fighting addictions over here
http://www.frumsupport.com/Forums/messageview.cfm?catid=284&threadid=1097
 
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teen
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im OK 3 days thank g-d.
thank you !
 
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kivunulo
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GREAT!! keep it up, and remember we are in on this together - "tovim shnayim min huechad" (two are better than one).
and keep smiling, (you should change that sad face)
 
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JewThatCares
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Teen,
Its Great that you have been clean for three days but you should take some time to think why you started this type of stuff and focus on the cause and not the result. You might fall agian but if you know at leat why you started then you can prepare yourself better.................... just some advise......................................... keep up the fight
 
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teen
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jtc
i started because i didnt know it was so bad, and you just want to .... you know.
actually i couldn't keep it up last night. but im not giving up. thank you all for thw support.
jtc how did you stop??
 
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JewThatCares
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3/11/07 9:27 AM
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Teen,
Alot of times people might think that they started a specific action because they had a strong Tayvah for it but when someone is addicted to something then they must look deeper as to why they needed to look for something that makes them feel good. In my case i had a very difficult childhood. I went to a yeshiva that hurt us and my family life was not that good either. and i remember even as early as third grade feeling that this stuff made me feel good and that due to my family and everyday life I was not feeling that good and every time I was hurting I would resort to this behavior to feel good and calm myself down. Later on in life when i wanted to change and I was going to therapyy to heal my wounds as I was able to learn how to live without needing to make myself feel good with other things (including alcohol) but even though I have somewhat healed that hurt from my earlychildhood and that has allowwed me to fight the Yetzer Hora on an even playing ground there is always the danger that I may slip or fall emotionally back to that person that needed to do this stuff to feel good, but B"H I havent in a really long time.
Part of me said that I was sick with this stuff ecspcially since I knew that it would begin to hurt my family but I was only able to start thinking this way once I began to go for therapy.
 
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teen
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3/11/07 10:11 PM
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i think in my case its started as a tayveh but now i just cant seem to stop i just get the urge and i dont think straight ...
so you went to therapy? i dont think i can do that first of all i dont have money and i am embabarassed to tell my parents, second even if i did i wouldnt go you how it is with shiduchim.....

but meanwhile im still trying to stop, since last time im doing fine i hope to keep it up
thank you again
 
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JewThatCares
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3/11/07 10:21 PM
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Teen I strongly suggest that you go for help otherwise it will destroy your marrige like it did mine. if you think this stuff just goes away when you get married you are wrong. allthough you may think going for therapy will ruin your shidduch certainly nots seeking the advice of a professional skilled in addiction or a rov that knows you really well will ruin you even more. trust in HASHEM that you are trying to help yoursel and he will find you your wife in due time.
 
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JewThatCares
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3/11/07 10:26 PM
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this doesnt mean that i think everyone who does this stuff need help but you will realize yoursel if you need to get therapy. In my opinion if you can't stop yourself then you should seek the advice of others. i know this will be hard for you but dont leave this garbage for after you are allready married. Plus you never have to tell your parents and the law is that if what you are going to a therapist for is not putting you in danger or hurting anyone else then the therapist is not allowed to tell anyone
 
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Eliyahoo
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3/12/07 3:09 PM
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I am addicted to porn, but the real problem is "zera levatala". Which is what I am assuming we are talking about here. Am I right? I have admitted it to my wife, who understandably DOES NOT understand this problem. I have spoken to my Rabbi. I have stopped for up to 1 month but I have not had any other success. This problem has at times taken over my life. I have to thenk HaBH for not having made it any worse because I have been in the bottom of the pit and somehow have been able to come up some. I know that Hashem is watching and I love and fear Him but no matter how hard I try I cannot put an end to this cycle. Most addicts to other things can go to many different places for help. This addiction, which I believe is seriously prevalent (including the frum community), is one that not much attention is paid to. What are we supposed to do? Most therapist are not geared to handle this type of addiction. At least I have not found any. Also, there is a big monetary price to pay to get this kind of help. What if we cannot afford it? There has to be a clear way out of this addiction. Anyone with any real suggestions please reply. Thank you. And may Hashem hear our cries!!
 
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JewThatCares
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3/13/07 7:00 PM
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hey
look at my earlier replies as to the possible causes for addicitve behaviors
 
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kivunulo
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4/6/07 12:17 AM
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Teen how r u doing, long time we didnt hear from you hope all is well

eliyahoo, first sorry for answering so late it was before pesach...[hopefully u understand what i mean]
you asked if it is zerah levatalah we are talking about, the answer is yes and no, because it is zera levatalah but its not ONLY zerah levatalah we read in krias shemah veloh sosiri achrei levavchem "you shouldn't go after yout eyes", the tur in the first simon writes about this, the gemarah yuma (74b) says hirhirei aveirah koshin min hoaveirah - "the thoughts of the aveirah are worse than the aveirah", (the meforshim explain because a person does not feel he sinned just by thinking therefore he doesn't do tshuvah) and the way to sin is through seeing (avodah zarah 28b) eineyim ro'ois vehalev chomeid - "the eyes see and the heart desires" the gemarah in eirivin (18b) "if somebody intentinally looks at a girl is not saved from gehenom" and the gemarah in nedarim (20a) says "in the end he will sin".
so we are talking about thinking and looking to.

as for a solution to this addiction i wrote in length before i just wanted to add a few stuff

i already discussed the chazal say the way to overcome this addiction is with torah
not everybody is able to do that, so what should they do?
actually r' yonasan eibishits tz"l writes in yaros devash the first drish that the gemarah addresses this specific question (brachos 17a) "noshim ba'meh zachyin" and explains the meaning of the question - woman that dont learn how do they overcome the yetzer horah, and the gamarah answers "by helping their husbands learn and sending their children in scool to learn" accordingly the yaros devash explains that therefore every jew that does not have the ability to learn should help other people learn by helping financially or other means, and it is the same as if he himself was learning, and he ends by adding "but he should be happy that he has the ability do help out learning jews and not do it sadly and he should also fight against the yetzer horah".

secondly the most major porn addiction is through the internet, in the beginning of the forum - having somebody monitor internet activity - was discussed and discarded, i think that it does have its merits, actually we find in the torah by the issur of yichud that if a person is there, it is unlikely to sin, and there is no issur yichud (see shilchun oruch even hu'ezer simin 22).
although monitoring a person that couldn't care less is worthless, but i think a person who wants to get helped it should work of course getting rid of the net is your best option but for those people that it is not an option there are programs out there to monitor internet activity.
the simplist way is by checking the history but you can delete that i have heard of programs to install that you cannot delete i will check into that if NE1 is intrested.

another tip; u have to try to cleanse your thoughts, when you think unpure try and think about something else, prepare for this beforehand, (meaning, you should prepare something to think about if the unpure thoughts comes into your mind prefferably something holy).
and again i know it is not easy actually i think we all know that, we just have to try our best and beleive in hashem and he will help!!

i hope this helps.

and happy chag to everyone pesach is a time to go out of mitrayim ervas ha'aretz and as elyahoo said may hashem hear our cries!


Edited: 4/6/07 at 12:58 AM by kivunulo
 
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teen
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4/12/07 7:56 PM
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kivunulo thanks for checking up
i slipped up a few times but it is getting better, im not giving up, bezrat hashem.
 
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teen
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5/10/07 11:00 PM
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i thankful to hashem for helping me, it already 12 days that i stopped porn. etc.

thanks kivunulo the stuff you posted really helped me alot.
i try not to go on the net only with a shomer- when somebody is there.
i pray to hashem to help me everyday to help me learn torah, and help people who learn torah, to be able overcome my nisyonos.

hoping to hashem to continue helping me.
 
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niceguy
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5/10/07 11:10 PM
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Teen,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I also have a big problem with zera levatalah!
 
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sam1
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5/11/07 10:39 AM
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Hi,

I would like to share with you something that helped me from looking where I was not supposed to.

I made a deal with Hashem, and I was very serious about it, that every time I "looked" (there is a difference between seeing and looking) where I was not supposed to He would cause me to loose $100 and every time I would control myself I would earn $100. Every time I looked I would say to myself "hey, you just lost $100" I did this so many times until it went into my head and I really stopped looking because I did not want to loose money and I wanted to make money. After a while I went up to $200.

I don't know for sure that Hashem accepted my deal but one thing is for sure, it really helped me and I think that I have been making much more money since I started this. Even if I'm not making more money, I'm definitely earning more schar in Olam Habah and that's worth much more than money. This works better than thinking of the schar we earn or loose because, unfortunately, we tend to relate better to money than to schar in olam habbah as a motivator.

I really hope this helps others too.
 
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teen
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5/15/07 10:50 PM
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hey sam thank you for replying it helps alot when i see somebody listening to me.
but i dont work and i dont earn money so i cant try your idea but i guess i can try its concept in other things that i want i will think abot it.

niceguy what r your suggestions how to stop and how did u get to that problem tell us more (u don't have to just need somebody in my situation to talk).

and thank you all again for listening to me
and by the way hashem IS still helping me and its been 17 days that im clean i pray to hashem to help me further.
 
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teen
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5/27/07 2:35 AM
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it was 29 days but i fell today, im not giving up though.
 
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