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TOPIC TITLE: need help with friend
Created On 7/11/07 11:28 AM
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Deevos
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7/11/07 11:28 AM
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I have a friend who has a daughter that was diagonsed with bipolar. I'm not a doctor and she may very well have bipolar. However, when she tells me things about her that her daughter does, and the things that go on in the home, all I see is an angry 12 year old girl. Please help educate me on this topic so I can help my friend. Thank you
 
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gad
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7/11/07 4:57 PM
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This may help you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

Let us know if you want more information or help
 
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Deevos
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7/11/07 7:05 PM
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Thank you for that link. Perhaps if I tell you some things I know, maybe you can help me. In my mind, like I said, I see just an angry young girl who lives in a house with a lot of craziness. Her mom told me that she has run away from home, and she likes to pick her scabs on her body. She throws tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants, and she brakes things in the home. Now mind you, i'm sure I did most if not all these things when I was younger. My mom was a bit unstable herself and now as an adult (and mom) I see how hard she had it, and she did her best.

I feel like my friend stretches the truth about some things she tells me. I see the way she treats her child who happens to be 12, and she treats her more of a child than I treat my 2 year old. She complains that the children don't go to bed until late (after 10:00) usually. I remember clearly when this girl was 4, she was staying up till 11ish most nights. I just see a lot of things that don't make sense to me, to beleive that she might not be bipolar, and just an angry child because of the caos in the house. Please help me understand this so I can help this little girl, and her family.
 
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avious101
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7/11/07 9:52 PM
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Hi!
i dont really no much abt bipolar but it seems like w/ all that going on she still needs therapy and abt her treatingher kid like a child - thats exactly what my parents started doing when i was diagnosed w/ all my mental health stuff
also picking scabs could be Trichotilomania i mean a lot of kids pick scabs but still it could be
im sorry f im making things worse im just not good at saying the right things
 
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gad
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7/11/07 11:28 PM
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I agree with Avious.

This sounds like a job for a therapist. I suppose the best you can do is to provide a listening ear, and to show that you feel bad that they are having these problems, and that you will daven for her that things should go well.

You may be able to give advice on occasion, if you think that the mother will be receptive. Or you can recommend that she should maybe ask the therapist about certain issues. But otherwise just being there and listening and perhaps giving a hug can help tremendously.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Deevos
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7/12/07 10:14 AM
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Thats the thing that gets me upset the most. When I do offer advice, she yells at me and tells me that I just don't understand because I do not have a special needs child. I feel like she is using her childs disorder as too much of a crutch. She is not teaching her child in any way shape or form to live a normal life. She basically just says, well she's bipolar, nothing I can do about it. When in reality I do not think she is bipolar. I think she is just an angry kid who is very confused about life and has a difficult home situation.

To me she just seems like a normal 12 year old girl (normal in the secular world) she is in public school and has very few Jewish friends. So she hates to dress tzniusly, uses very bad language and has no respect for anyone at all. She does what she wants and her mother lets her. To me, this is a sign of a mother who can't take it anymore, and is tired and is ready to give up. Example...She tells me she can't stand that her daughter goes to bed so late every night and she tries so hard to get her to go to bed early. However, I called her one night at 9 pm and she was at the movies with the kids (and husband). She told me last night that her daughter goes to her friends house every night at around 8:30 "for a while" to hang out. Meanwhile she tells me that she would like her bedtime to be 8:30. Things like that happen. All the time.

This is why I would like to know if she is truly bipolar or just angry because of all the hypocracy and confusion in the home. I really want to help her. Sometimes I feel like i'm wasting my time though.
 
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gad
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7/12/07 10:41 AM
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Quote

Originally posted by: Deevos
This is why I would like to know if she is truly bipolar or just angry because of all the hypocracy and confusion in the home.


Maybe both.

If she was diagnosed, then one can assume that the diagnosis is correct, unless they want to get a second opinion.

And the in-home issues are probably also compounding things.

Although I wonder if the incident you describe, going to the movies, is just the mother's way of coping and escaping a bit.

I think that at this point in time you can be a wellspring of comfort for the mother, who is obviously going through a very difficult time. If you find that you can give advice that is well-received, then by all means. But when you find that your advice is rejected and resented, then be a support, and leave the advice giving to the therapist.

Hope to hear good news.
 
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Lev-Nishber
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7/17/07 12:43 PM
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Hi,
Just my 2 cents.

If your in NYC Please ask her to visit www.mdsg.org this is a support group for Family members of the Mentaly ill. I really think the mother needs to get full insight her self before she can do anything for her daughter. The group is every Wendesday tell her the room is full of people that are just as concerned as she is. Tell her shes not alone. if your not in NY go to NAMI.com or http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home
 
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MadeIt
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7/17/07 4:44 PM
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Hi Lev Nishber.
I'm very sorry - I can understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore.
I was just wondering if I hurt you?
Best REgards,
Sarah
 
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