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TOPIC TITLE: PARENT OF BP/BPD
Created On 11/15/09 11:48 AM
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mominpain
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11/15/09 11:48 AM
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i am the mother of a 31yr old daughter who has been diagnosed both bipolar and borderline personality disorder. i would love to connect with any other family members of mental health sufferers; particularly ones who are the responsible parties for this person.
of course at my daughter's age of 31, i am no longer legally responsible for her. i can no longer speak with her therapist. i can no longer bring her to a hospital. i can no longer affect how she lives her life or who she hangs out with. she was on meds for 10 years, then she decided to flipflop. she now completely denies that she has any problems. by stopping her meds, her mental health has gone out of control. she doesnt know the difference between a lie and the truth. (anyone have someone who is pathologically lying, all the time?) she lives a wild, undirected life that is going downhill very fast. i have been advised that when she hits rock bottom, she will realize she needs help and then she will go get some. it is a torment for a parent to watch their child live an unmentionable lifestyle. i honestly dont know if she will live to hit the bottom. i cant express the pain, frustration, disappointment, horror,anger of a parent who has invested years of my life devoted to helping this daughter.
anyone else have a family member who is in need of help?
lets connect. i need support desperately.


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Striving for emunah pshuta; to accept with love. Everything comes from the One who is All Good.
 
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queechee
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11/15/09 1:24 PM
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Hi Mom in Pain. Your post is heart rendering. I'm a professional so I cannot speak with the intimacy of a parent. On the other hand, I am involved in situations similar to your daughter's here in Jerusalem. These situations require tremendous patience and prayer. They also require preparation especially on the family's part. What this means is that when your daughter does reappear on the radar so to speak you will want to know how to engage her in such a way that the connection will be strong. Adults with bipolar and borderline are hypersensitive about everything. They take any form of judgement or evaluation as a insult directed at the totality of who they are. This is quite maddening to everyone including the patient since at the same time that they are screaming and yelling they also desperately want love and connection. My recommendation is to focus on the long term building of the relationship. This will mean that you will have to choose what to judge and what you ignore. Keep on showing acceptance. You will understandably find somethings hard to accept. If however you focus on the priority of maintaining the relationship that will build a bridge of love between the two of you.

Dr. Josh Mark, PhD
www.counselingexcellence.com
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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11/17/09 10:25 AM
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Mom,
First of all, I was very touched by your post. as a shrink and a parent, I can relate to your pain regarding watching the people we love make poor and perhaps self-damaging suggestions. It is a test to provide unconditional love. Is your dtr directly harming/disrespecting you? Unconditional love does NOT mean allowing yourself to be abused. The pattern of behavior in your dtr you described is very common, especially when they struggle with medication non-compliance. Where are you? If you are interested, I can try to find a support grp in your area.
a lynn
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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11/17/09 10:27 AM
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Sorry. I wrote the wrong word. I meant to say that I understand the pain and feeling of helplessness in watching those we love making poor DECISIONS (not suggestions). Keep posting, you are not alone.
a lynn
 
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mominpain
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12/2/09 11:06 PM
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mominpain,
are you sure that idnt write this posting? line for line, it is almost exactly like my situation! really. so you are surely not alone...
my 31yo dd is diagnosed with bp/bpd. and no, i can no longer have access to her therapist or hospital records. she was on meds successfully for 10 years, then decided to throw them away. she insists she has no mental health problems and never has. it is my fault that she was drugged up thru her 20s. of course, she must have someone to blame, because she never takes responsibilty for her own actions. she is living a wild, bizarre lifestyle that is plumettimg down rapidly. yes i am also following this 'rock bottom' advice. how is a parent supposed to live thru their child's disintegtration? currently my daughter is homeless and prostituting for $$$. she was brought up in a clean-cut conservative and loving family. it is unbearable to watch and just sit by. on the other hand, she accepts zero help from me, so those days are over.
and yes, i am up nights wondering "will she ever live to get that help"? how are we supposed to cope?

BTW, I am impressed with your signature: "Striving for emunah pshuta; to accept with love. Everything comes from the One who is All Good. " that is my own personal goal of the decade. i think we must come from common backgrounds


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Striving for emunah pshuta; to accept with love. Everything comes from the One who is All Good.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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Joined: Feb 2005

12/9/09 10:04 AM
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MIP,
For the time being, the most you can do is fortify yourself, and continue to love your dtr unconditionally, and let her know you are always there for her, if she changes her mind to have a relationship with you. And, keep davening!
a lynn
 
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paswerd99
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7/2/12 7:01 PM
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Hi yr post touched my heart i live in london and have been diagnoesd with bipolar as well as bpd, for the past 7 yrs i have been on medication and in out hospital but now i feel i have turned the corner even i know i cant have any more children i feel at peace with the world, i will probably always be on medication but with the help of a fabolous husband ( yes u can be married and happy) and a amazing mental health proffesional and a wonderful shrink who believes in the human spirit, mental health doesnt have to own us we can still make choices and live a happy life. Dont give up on yr children you never know where the salvation lies. Stay strong and keep connected to hashem
 
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Aba
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7/3/12 10:11 AM
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paswerd99,
Thanks for sharing I'm sure it will give a lot of people hope.
I hope you will chime in on the other threads.

Kol Tuv


-------------------------
"Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming." - Coach John Wooden
 
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paswerd99
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8/1/12 7:18 PM
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Dear Mom in pain
Even though yr daughter is a adult just knowing she has such a supportive mother who loves her is massive and hopefully she will get to appreciate the gift you are giving her. Sometimes loving someone is letting them learn from there own mistakes, its awful for you as a parent i As parents we want to protect our kids but that is not reality we have to let them move on and i hope and pray that she will make the right decisions in her life. Keep strong
 
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