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TOPIC TITLE: I feel so sad-introduction, religion and dating
Created On 4/25/16 11:24 PM
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nicemotcha
Junior Supporter

Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2016

4/25/16 11:24 PM
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Hi,
I'm in my 40s never married.
Had depression anxiety a period of davening ocd since a kid.
When it was time for shiduchim at 24 I freaked out depressed anxious etc so I took prozac and had a manic episode. I was labeled bipolar but never had a manic episode again over 20 years now. I've had maybe hypomanic episodes. Last week my psychiatrist told me I'm virtually symptom free. I don't feel that wonderful but he said I think I'm worse than I am. Guess that's good news. :-)
At 28 I developed an addiction compulsivity thinking no one will marry me so I might as well do inappropriate things. (Addiction and, bipolar commonly overlap-"comorbidity".
As I write I am sober and the most important thing in my life is to continue being sober. I would never get married if I am not sober.
I have a strong understanding of what I need to do to be sober after 5 years of facing this.
Things have gotten alot better over the years. They didn't even have the meds 20 years ago they have now! And DBT, ACT mindfullness, who knew about that then? I could be a therapist lol. (I actually want to become an addiction therapist.)
I actually joined here years ago but I no longer have that email or remember that password so I rejoined.
I've come so far. Got my BA. Got a masters in a low stress career and have been working full time for around 6 years. (When I realized I could hold a full time job I realized I could work on my addiction.) I think the job really helped my moods. I learned to meditate etc but I still feel like I have major mood problems but like I said-job, even leased a beutiful car last summer.
For years all my married friends were busy during the week but in recovery meetings I made close friends and we talk daily etc
Now I want to get married. But I don't know how frum I am. Am I yeshivish. Am I modern? Am I shomer shabbos? Do I care? I feel so torn. So who do I date? (Aside from the whole issue of disclosing addiction and bipolar)
I took a shower Friday night after walking home from the seder because I felt I'd go crazy, lie in bed awake all sticky, I even turned on the a/c-am I frum?Was that mutar for pikuach nefesh (addiction is pikuach nefesh)?
My sleep gets screwed up on the weekend. I might go to shul Friday night but I wake up Shabbos at noon and eat suda with parents. What girl will marry a guy who doesn't go to shul? My meds make me tired ...I've barely gone to shull in the morning since 25 years ago. And now ith sleap apnea!....It aint easy.
I've struggled with tfilin but now I put on. I struggle with mincha-I like maariv-its all about lifes struggles if you think about it since its said at night...
I wear tzitzis, wash negel vaser, say brachaos, bench only first first bracha dont wash alot I'm all confused-Is there a girl who would be apropriate for me frumwise? I am so worried
I am a very nice guy, I love learning, I think I could raise good kids
Someone here must understand this. Please help me out. If my life has been so complicated its no chiduch my yidishkeit is comlicated too.


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niceguy
 
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Shver
Supporter

Posts: 111
Joined: Jun 2013

5/1/16 3:05 PM
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I would suggest that you contact a local kiruv organization.
They could help you get more grounded in your yiddishkeit.
It may potentially help you meet someone appropriate shidduch wise.
 
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wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

5/12/16 9:02 PM
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Welcome to the site.

Shver's advice sounds like a very good idea.

Don't know what else to say other than I care. Wishing you lots of Hatzlacha and hope you find the right one soon!
 
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nicemotcha
Junior Supporter

Posts: 4
Joined: Apr 2016

10/1/16 10:23 PM
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Hi everyone,
I'm not to active here but I thought I'd log in. The religious issues come up again as its everv Rosh Hashana. But I know the bottom line "mitzvas Hayom" is to be mentally stable. That's what Hashem wants most.


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niceguy
 
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