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TOPIC TITLE: Do you know the feeling?
Created On 2/23/05 12:32 PM
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Vulvy
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2/23/05 12:32 PM
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Edited: 3/22/05 at 6:32 AM by Vulvy
 
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lookinforhelp
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2/23/05 7:17 PM
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Vulvy,

I'm sooo sorry!! You sound so miserable and depressed! What can I say... except that we are all here for you 24/7!

I'm sorry about your father, and the impact that had on you. Doesn't it help you at all to see a psychiatrist? Are you on meds?

I really do understand... everyone in my family is perfect and I'm the black sheep! And that's without them even recognizing that I am depressed- they think I'm just moody and irritable for no reason, even though I have a perfectly legetimite one!

As too crying while davening, that is an amazing koach you posses!! Kol hashe'arim ninalu chutz meshaarei dimaa... All the gates in heaven are closed to us, except for the gate of tears!! Even one simple tear has such great powers, it is terrifying!! And what you said about not having any of your father's amazing attributes, I doubt that is 100% true! I'm sure you have many special qualities, but you can't see them since you are depressed!!! However, that is normal, and you just have to bear in mind, that this too will pass!!

Hatzlacha rabba!!

*lookinforhelp
 
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motcha
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2/23/05 11:47 PM
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>Do you know the feeling of being in a perfect family, with only you being the exception, because you >are depressed and can't live up to your potential and do all the things you want to do? I also lost my >father 4 years ago, I look like him, but have none of his amazing attributes, which makes me feel even >worse.
I am so sorry about your loss. May Hashem give yoy the strength you need to cope. I never thought of my familly being perfect though.
>You know I don't even have time to worry about the fact that I have only gone out with 2 girls while >most of my friends are married because I am to depressed about the more painful ordeals that I'm >going through. I'm lonely, for one thing. I had many friends once upon a time. I once had a social life (I >even missed one of my best friends wedding because I was too nervous to walk inside, sometimes I >get nervous in big crowds) I once learned in Yeshiva and worked, I once lived a normal life.
I identify with everything you just wrote. I am in my 30's and just got dumped partially for being on meds. My friends have like 5 kids and I am often lonely. But things are better. I just started a seder in the afternoon in between jobs. And I had a chavrusa for a year and a half that I had to stop because of a job conflict. I am in remission for my depression now and you will be soon too.
>You probably know the feeling of embarrassment of going to a, I hate saying it, a Psychiatrist, there I >said it.
I used to feel like you but I have totally gotten over that. I assume you are in your twenties? As I said, I am in my 30's. I was at my psychiatrist tonight and I actually had a cool time! He basically just writes my med prescriptions which finally have been working for 3 years. I get my therapy from my psychologist so with my psychiatrist we just shmooze. I had a real nice half hour.

>I even cried on Yom Kipur infront of everyone (when I daven by myself I always cry) because life is so >hard. I know everyone has it hard, but please tell me that there's someone out there shares my feelings.
7 years ago I had the same thing. I was thinking by neilah "great nows the chasima for another aweful year" and I totally broke down in shull. This was in the Simcha room in Lakewood in front of 100s of people. But I am ok now. I found the right meds, psychologist and psychiatrist after 7 years of trial and error. Are you in therapy with a GOOD psychologist? Are your meds working? With time and effort you will get over this and put it behind you.
 
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StrongerEveryDay
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2/24/05 6:28 PM
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Do you know the feeling of being in a perfect family, with only you being the exception,

it may seem like your family is perfect and you are the only exception. someone can live in the perfect citcom storybook life with 2 married parents, 2 kids (a boy and a girl), a dog, and a white picket fence, and everything else that makes a family "perfect." however, i wholeheartedly believe that there really is no such thing as a perfect family. all families have thier struggles, and every individual has personal struggles as well. you may not know all your friends and siblings' struggles. there is probably a whole world of things they are dealing with that you are just not aware of. nobody likes to go around broadcasting all their problems. i always thought that i was this horrible failure cuz i had to drop out of school to go into treatment, but i learned that people are really so caught up in all their problems that they aren't taking even a minute to think negatively about anyone else around them. once i was able to stop myself from focusing on what everyone else is thinking about me, it has been so much easier for me to focus on getting myself better and moving forward in life.

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because you are depressed and can't live up to your potential and do all the things you want to do?

this comment you made, sounds very sad and hopeless to me. just because someone is depressed, it definately does not mean that he/she cannot reach his/her potential. it's a matter of learning to live with and cope with this obstacle. when someone is blind, he learns to compensate for his disability with his other senses. going to proffessionals to help you learn ways of dealing with your depression can help you get your life back on track and enable you to build it back up to the way it used to be and the way you liked it.
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You probably know the feeling of embarrassment of going to a, I hate saying it, a Psychiatrist, there I said it.

Wow! i don't know how to stress this enough, but there is absolutely no shame in going to get help for yourself. when someone goes to a psychiatrist it doesn't mean that he is crazy. because there is such a stigma attached to seeing a psychaitrist, pple don't talk about it and therefore nobody knows the tremendously large amount of people that seek psychological help of some sort. nobody asks for depression. therefore, you didn't bring it upon yourself and there shouldn't be any shame. it is a challenge that G-d decided you can handle and therefore gave it to you and it's the proper thing for you to utilize all the tools He has given you to overcome this obstacle and move on with your life. being ashamed of getting help from professionals that can help you properly is just going to delay the process and possibly cause it to progress until it's much worse and even harder to deal with. i've taught myself to completely avoid focusing on any negativity associated with psychiatric counseling and the sort. when i talk with people about it i do not minimize it at all and i don't preceed it with anything showing that i think of it as a negative or demeaning thing for me to be doing, because there is no reason for that. when people see that i am comfortable with it, then they are much more at ease with it as well. your focus needs to be on getting yourself healthy again and feeling better about who you are and where you are going in life.

maybe it's just not your time to get married. you have a journey ahead of you. as you delve into yourself you will learn so many things you've never before noticed about yourself. you will learn what you really want in and from the world and what makes you tick. you will learn where your talents and abilities lie and what you are so driven and passionate about. it is an experience that you are so fortunate to be able to have before settling yourself down in marriage. don't you want to be happy and comfortable with yourself before you take that big step in life? what you're about to embark on can be a most exciting adventure, but only you can make this happen.

you need to know that no, you are definately NOT the only one that feels as you do. but i think more importantly than knowing that pple share those feelings, you need to know that so many pple are working through these feelings so that they won't have to feel these feelings of hopelessness anymore. it's so hard to be able to get out of bed when you don't feel like there's even a point in your existance but it's so important that you do. because you need to find it. nobody is created for no reason. you are no exception at all. i know you're going to get through this funk. you are not gonna let it get in the way of the very enjoyable, productive life that you are just at the very beginning of.

i wish you a lot of strength and persistence to be able to appreciate this journey of self-discovery that has been given to you and you are about to embark on.

and remember that we are all here for you and supporting you 100%.

one more thing; don't expect this to be an easy journey. there are bumps in every road and this one is no exception. there are going to be ups and downs, good days as well as bad days. i can guarantee that it will not be a smooth ride. and when you hit a bump in the road you can't give up and retreat into your shell; you need to face the obstacle head on and show it who's the boss.

i know you can do this and before you know it you'll be able to start to see the light at the end of this seemingly endless tunnel.

good luck, and keep writing.


-------------------------
Everything that happens is for the best, even if it may never seem that way.

StrongerEveryDay
 
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Vulvy
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2/28/05 11:57 AM
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Edited: 3/22/05 at 6:34 AM by Vulvy
 
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StrongerEveryDay
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2/28/05 2:13 PM
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vulvy, i'm so glad my post was of some help and encouragment for you.
i definately didn't mean that you should go around telling everyone your situation because a lot of people don't understand it, but you need to know who you are dealing with. evaluate the relationship you have with this person adn decide if he/she needs to know. if you need their help, if you think they can handle it, if you think they will care enough to go say to the library and research a little about it so they can support you in the best way possible. you might want to preface it by saying something like, "i'm still the same vulvy you know, and there's something i'm struggling with that i want you to know about. i'm very comfortable with it and i want you to ask me anything you want so you can become comfortable with it as well." and then maybe you guys can go to like barnes and noble and check out books on bipolar together over coffee and read about it and about how she can be there for you. i found that this was the best way for me to introduce my really close friends to my depression adn eating disorder. i've told people straight and they got very uncomfortable and didn't know how to deal with it. they thought i was weird and crazy and the relationship was lost. i think it's very important to tell him/her straight out that you are still the same person they know and love.
it sounds like you're working hard to get the help you need and that's a very admirable thing. i wish you continued strength, courage, and confidence.


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Everything that happens is for the best, even if it may never seem that way.

StrongerEveryDay
 
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The Power Of Prayer
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3/13/05 6:51 AM
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Hello Everyone:

I have been struggling with depression ever since I was a young girl. However, despite the fact that I face this difficult challenge, I possess many great qualities that have helped me to be strong through all the pain I endure. I would like to share with all of you something I wrote a while back when I was experiencing deep pain. The following pharagraph(s) are taken from the letter that I wrote. I thought I would share it with you to show you what it feels like when someone is going through a lot of pain and suffering.

Have you ever known pain so deep that it burns inside of you like a raging fire that nothing can extinguish? Have you ever felt the pain of loneliness, judgement and deep fear? There is another side to this. A brightness to the madness, a joy to calm the suffering. Have you ever watched a sea gull fly up high in the sky so freely leaving you with a peaceful, tranquil feeling that almost feels magical. This world you experience might be an isolated world from your friends that you see around you. At times you might suffer so deep that your tears flow from your eyes until there's none left on your tear stained face.

With suffering comes other things. Some people have illnesses, but have great talents, great understanding of life having gone through all the suffering. Right now I question G-d. I am going through so much right now and I feel like G-d is not showing his presence in my life right now, although I do know that I am lucky and should be grateful for all He has done and is doing for me. But the pain never seems to end. I have suffered my whole life and the pain will never go away. It might get better at times, but it will always linger and remain with me throughout my life.

I just cannot understand why. Why now? Why again? When will it end? When will I be strong enough? Will I ever have happiness? Will it last? Maybe in this world we cannot have true happiness because maybe that is only in the next world or in the time of mashiach. Why is Hashem so far removed from us? Where can we find love and peace forever?

This is part of the letter I wrote and I hope it helps people to see that they are not alone and that we all experience dark times in our lives. However, the good news is that I did in fact get through the challenging time back then. So, this proves that there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel. I have witnessed this time and time again. Although I continue to face significant challenges and deep pain in my life, I also have times of happiness and joy. When I think about the good things in my life it helps me to have strength to fight through the darkness. I know that someday we will understand why we had to suffer so much. I think that if we could come together and support each other it would help ease the loneliness that we feel as a result of these difficult challenges. I also think it might be helpful to find someone who can understand what you are going through and will not judge you as other's might do. What I am referring to is the struggle of going through shidduchim. Imagine how wonderful it would be to meet someone who can truly understand what it is like to experience challenges and understand pain and suffering more so then someone who was not touched with such difficult issues in life.

This doesn't mean we should find someone with similar difficulties, but to find someone who is kind and compassionate. Someone that experienced some type of hardship, some type of challenge which might help him or her to be more accepting and loving to their future partner.
We all want perfection in life, but the truth is that nobody in this world is perfect. Everyone has issues and struggles in their life. The goal is to find someone who has a good heart. Someone who will treat you well and make you feel good about yourself since it is likely that your self-esteem is effected as a result of the battle through depression. It might not be easy to find the right person to share your life with. Someone who can help you to face your challenges and make you feel special. Someone who will show you that you are not the only one going through a painful struggle. He might open up to you and share his personal struggles which would make you feel like you are not alone. The best thing for us is to continue to daven and ask G-d to help us and show us His presence in our lives. I wish everyone the very best and remember you really are not alone! We all have problems and when you feel that the people around you are judging you in a negative way, just tell yourself that they don't matter. It is not important what people say to you or how they look at you. The most important thing to remember is that G-d will give you the strength to get through the pain. Focus on your good qualities and do things that you like to do. Stay away from people who make you doubt yourself. People who judge you and destroy your self-esteem. Remind yourself that these people do not know who you really are. They do not see your talents and special qualities, so what they may say to you is only a result of their ignorance.

Remember that there is someone who knows the person that you truly are. G-d sees how much you suffer. He feels your pain and he sees your strength. It really does not matter what the people around you say or do because the most important one you need to have faith in is G-d. He is your #1 fan. He will give you strength and courage to go on and make it through this journey of life. You will survive and make it through. Don't give up. Talk to people who are going through the same or similar situation as you are. Get support and know that you are NEVER alone!!!
Be Well


Edited: 3/13/05 at 7:52 AM by The Power Of Prayer
 
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lookinforhelp
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3/14/05 9:26 AM
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Dear POP,

I feel as if there is nothing left to say after your extremely powerful letter and message to us all.
Your description of depression is perfectly acurate, and freighteningly so.

Thank you so very much for those much needed, uplifiting and inspiring words. It really made me feel better as I was having a very hard day, thinking that there can't be anybody in the world who could possibly understand me... and then I read this! You have no idea how much it meant to me!

Thanks again! And may we all be zoche to a refua sheleima and special siyata dishmaya bimheira beyameinu, amen!!
 
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makeselfwhole
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3/14/05 8:30 PM
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Hi Vulvy,
I know exactly how you feel I am a depressed female who has been in ups and downs my whole life. My heart is with you. Take each day at a time and find who you want to be for yourself and you will be happy.
 
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lookinforhelp
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3/15/05 2:43 PM
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Vulvy,
I am sooo happy to hear that you are feeling better!! You changed your letter to sound so much more optomistic! Baruch Hashem! May I be nosy and ask what has brought about the change? I too want so desperately to get better...
 
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Vulvy
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3/17/05 7:52 PM
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Edited: 3/22/05 at 6:35 AM by Vulvy
 
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motcha
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3/17/05 9:23 PM
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Good points!
Especially that success breeds success. Thats so true.
 
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The Power Of Prayer
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lookinforhelp
vulvy

Thank-you both for sharing with me your feelings regarding my message. I am so happy to hear that it helped both of you. Knowing that my words are powerful enough to actually make a difference in someone's life is very rewarding. When a person is feeling down on life, the greatest thing that can bring them out of the darkness is when they focus on doing something positive for another human being. We all need to feel like we are contributing to the world in order that we don't feel discouraged and start thinking that there is no purpose to our life. Every single day is a new chance to start over and leave our troubles behind.

One of the most significant factors that can cause someone to sink deeper into a depression is due to the amount of stress in their lives. What I have finally learned after all these years is that with all the challenges I face throughout my life, it is vital that I do everything in my power to eliminate or decrease the amount of stress in my daily life. Of course, we all have stressful situations and we may not be able to escape from experiencing stress in our lives, however, what we can do is to learn coping skills and to realize that in order to remain healthy and protect ourselves from sinking deeper and deeper we have no choice, but to try to stay in a safe environment and reduce our level of stress.

Some of us may feel that this is selfish to do things that will take away some of the stress. Maybe our friends won't understand if we can't go to a certain event with them or if we are not able to handle taking too many college courses at one time. The list goes on and on. Whatever your dealing with, whatever causes you the most stress and significantly affects your mood, you are the one who is responsible to take care of yourself first because if you get sick, this will impact you as well as those around you. It is not selfish for those who are battling an illness (no matter what kind of illness it is) to pay attention to their own needs and protect their health whether it is physical, emotional, etc. We need to come up with a list of things that will bring us comfort and help us through the tough times. For example, I love to listen to music. It helps comfort me and gives me a sense of freedom. I feel very connected to a part of me that other people don't really see. It is like my own private world. I'm sure some of you or many of you out there know what I am referring to. Although, we may experience a lot of pain living in a society that does not understand what it is like to go through this battle, at least we can find comfort inside that deep, sacred place where we feel safe and at peace where nobody can harm us any more. We all have that "inner sanctuary", a place to heal and find comfort. All we need to do is pay attention to it and look within ourselves for wisdom and strength to get through our journey in life.

As I mentioned above, one of the things I enjoy is listening to music, but what helps me even more is when I listen to my headphones and take a long walk on the running track in my school. The college I go to has a fitness center and gym as well as exercise classes, so it is really great for me because exercise is one of the best things to help eliviate symptoms of depression in addition to improving our physical health as well. The truth is that exercise and eating a healthier diet is actually an anti depressant itself. Learning to live a more active, healthy lifestyle will benefit our lives more then we can ever imagine. So, the greatest advice I can give, besides for "The Power Of Prayer" is to begin a health and wellness program. It isn't that difficult to do. Think about it. It's true that the meds you might be taking as well as the illness itself, can cause you to feel very sluggish and fatigued. You might not have the energy or motivation to get out of bed in order to accomplish your goals, one of them being exercise. Remember that the more you stay in bed, the more you are likely to be out of shape because if you are sedentary for too long your muscles begin to atrophy in addition to other negative affects. Trust me on this one. If you can manage to force yourself out of bed and either go for a walk, join a gym, get an exercise video to work out with, go to an aerobics class, etc. You will definitely feel less depressed and it will also improve your body image, self esteem and best of all, you just might lose some weight and start getting back in shape!

So, the first thing on the list should definitely be tefilah because anytime we need help, the best one to turn to is G-d. Prayer is the most comforting of all. G-d loves us all unconditionally. We can tell him our inner most secrets, our deepest feelings and concerns. But we also need to help ourselves and make changes to improve our lives. I do know that it is definitely not easy to do this after years and years of battling through deep depressions. But if you start slowly and take one step at a time, you will begin to see improvement! I want you all to know that I am a woman who is battling a mood disorder (mainly depression) throughout my entire life and believe me I definitely know that sometimes you just want to lie in bed with the covers on your head and just sleep and sleep forever. It's kinda like you feel that when you sleep you are letting go of the stress and you are trying to crawl up into a place where you can shut the whole world out because it makes you feel safer that way.

I wish that there was something more for all of us to do in order to have more support. This website is great, but it would be better if we were able to connect with one another preferrably anonymously, at least initially, to have someone there to speak with who can relate to how we feel. Someone to talk to, a friend who we can open up to and have as a support system when we are feeling really bad. It would be wonderful if we could organize a support group where we could maybe speak to each other on the phone or one on one via e-mail and share our experiences. To be able to have a deeper connection to each other. However, I think it is best that we don't share personal info. like our name, etc. If possible, we could use cell phone #'s so it wouldn't show up who we are to protect our privacy. Having privacy is crucial for us because during times when we are not doing well we might regret the fact that there are people who know our name and know what we are going through. I'm sure nobody would reveal anything, but still confidentiality is very important! All I'm suggesting is that we make this a little more personal so we can really get a sense of who we are sharing ourselves with. To have someone be there who understands and won't judge. Who we can count on and provide comfort for each other. This will really help us to ease the loneliness that we feel especially in our community where we have to keep everything a secret. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a group of friends to talk to, not just on this website, but forming a group of our own. Helping each other and supporting each other. This would make our lives so much easier when we have people out there we can open up to because many of us are not able to share such personal things with our friends. Not only that, but some of us are not able to develop relationships with friends because they might look at us like we are different or not be able to understand when we can't always do certain things. I know that I have struggled with relationships and sometimes it just feels easier not to deal with people who can't understand and are always judging. But one of the good things that I've noticed about myself is that although I might not be able to enjoy certain relationships with my female friends, I do see that I have an easier time with males for some reason. I think it is because they are more supportive in a way. They care more and make me feel good about myself, complimenting me and seeing the person I am deep inside.

On the other hand, when I'm with my female friends, they don't give me that same support because they can sometimes get jealous or judgemental, snobby, etc. However, many guys that I've dated have been sweet and affectionate and appreciate and value me. Unfortunately, I have not found my true soulmate though, but I'm still searching. I'm sure I'll find him one day soon. Anyway, before I end this long drawn out letter, I just wanted to continue what I was writing about before. As far as making a list to help you get healthier, in addition to prayer, exercise, nutrition, music and so on.... Each of us has our own talents and abilities so what might be good for one person might not necessarily work for another. For example, if someone is very artistic, they might wish to work on developing their art skills which can give them confidence and they can take pride in their talents. If you like to be with children and interact well with them, perhaps you could find out about volunteer programs for working with kids. Also, you might wish to give tzedakah because not only will this help those who are less fortunate then you, but it will also give you a sense of purpose in the world. Knowing that you are helping people and making some kind of contribution, will boost your self esteem. Also you can do research to find out more about your meds and your condition(s) or do some research on health and well being. There is endless possibilities out there. See how valuable life is? Each day is a brand new day. A gift from G-d. A chance to heal, a chance to fight through the pain. A chance to daven, to open a tehillim and cry to Hashem. To see a beautiful sunset. To see the light in a child's eyes. A chance to smile. A chance to help someone and change a person's life. Life is definitely worth living even during the darkest of times because there is a whole world out there filled with people who are experiencing almost the exact same thing. You are not alone. Not now and not ever!
Wishing you mazel and bracha!
PS let me know if any of you have any ideas of starting a support group Remember it is probably better if we don't share names, so going to a group in person might be uncomfortable and might make us feel like we are exposed to the outside world. If we can somehow form a group and still have some form of privacy that would be so helpful. Wouldn't it? Would anyone be interested in this? This website is great, but if we can open another door to interact with different people and get more support it would make things even better! What do you think of a chat room? Exchanging e-mails? Any ideas? Gosh what a long long letter this has turned into! Anyone dizzy yet?
The Power Of Prayer

 
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lookinforhelp
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3/18/05 7:31 AM
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Dear POP,

Again, an uplifting and inspiring post!! I wish I could express myseld so well through words! You know, you really have a talent! You should try writing a journal or something! I like to do that (while listening to music!) to get my feelings out of my head.

I completely agree with you that it is very important to daven each day anew. I try to say first thing when I start davening, "Thank you Hashem for waking me up this morning, and please let it be a good, happy day! Please grant me special siyata dishmaya to make it a purposeful day!"

One thing I would like to disagree on however, is when you wrote, "But one of the good things that I've noticed about myself is that although I might not be able to enjoy certain relationships with my female friends, I do see that I have an easier time with males for some reason. I think it is because they are more supportive in a way. They care more and make me feel good about myself, complimenting me and seeing the person I am deep inside. " I do not think you are right, nor should you be promoting mingling amongst the genders. I'm very sorry if I'm preaching, but guys don't listen because they care, they listen for other reasons, which aren't usually to your benefit. If you want to discuss this further, please send me a private message, since the point of these posts are to rebuke one another C"V! I just don't want frum youngsters to read your post and think, "Hmm, that's a good idea! I should try talking to guys!" Know what I mean?

Have a wonderful Shabbos everyone!!
 
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Vulvy
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3/18/05 4:18 PM
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lookingforhelp,

You know when you're feeling better? when you can look at everything in a positive light, when you don't get up in middle of the night believing you're going to have a heart attack from all the anxiety in your life, when you're emotions aren't numb to the point where you can't even cry to Hashem, when you are chronically bored and you don't even have motivation to sleep even after 3 sleepness nights, yes then you're feeling better, well at least for me that is.


~Always Fighting


Edited: 3/22/05 at 5:03 AM by Vulvy
 
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The Power Of Prayer
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3/18/05 6:22 PM
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Vulvy:

I hear what you are saying and I can relate to what you are going through. I think it is actually easier at times to give advice to other's, but it is more difficult to apply it to your own life. I definitely have times when I just can't be positive about anything and feel like giving up, but when I am feeling somewhat better, it is then that I am able to think more positive and try to focus on the good things in my life. Although, sometimes things are so bad that I can't think of anything good because my pain is so deep. So, I just wanted to let you know that even though I mention all these positive things in my message, I can't always follow my own advice during the darkest times in my life. Anyway, it is getting really close to shabbas, but I wanted to respond to your message. I'll write more another time. I'm here for you, and I want to help. Remember that you are not in this alone!
Good Shabbas
 
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Vulvy
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3/21/05 7:49 PM
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Edited: 3/22/05 at 6:36 AM by Vulvy
 
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ernie55B
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To Lookinforhelp:
Guys don't listen because they care??? Please speak for yourself! I am a guy and I listen to people, male or female because I care and having been suffering from depression for years I know what they are experiencing.
Also, this person is not "promoting" anything. She merely states that she has female friends she cannot share her feelings with.
Please think carefully before you write things like that!
 
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The Power Of Prayer
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3/21/05 11:42 PM
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Dear Ernie,

I couldn't have "said" it better myself.


PS In no way shape or form was my intention to suggest or "promote" what you were suggesting. I was simply trying to express my feelings regarding the negative experiences I have encountered in the past as a result of disclosing personal information with my female "friends" who could not relate to my experience. It just so happened that I felt more comfortable being with someone who could accept & understand me. Someone who would not judge me and could understand my pain.
The truth is that it doesn't matter whether you receive support from either males or females as long as you can feel comfortable confiding in them and know that they won't judge you negatively. All I was referring to was my own experience with my "friends" which does not imply that everyone would experience the same thing as I have. But, just as Ernie pointed out, both males and females are capable of caring and reaching out to someone in need.
All of us have difficulties and we shouldn't be afraid to be there for one another and share our own struggles and learn that we are not alone in this world.

 
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Vulvy
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Edited: 4/10/05 at 1:26 AM by Vulvy
 
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lookinforhelp
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3/22/05 8:27 AM
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POP,
Firstly, I would like to apologize to you! I didn't mean anything, I was just having a hard day and I didn't read your post right! I'm really very sorry! I'm just bitter I guess...

Vulvy,
What happened to all your posts? Why did you erase everything? I thought you said you were getting better, but you seem pretty down in your last two posts! Did something happen to trigger your depression? You sound angry and upset, is everything ok? And I don't get it- why can you never trust anyone again? Did someone figure out who you are? How about you come back with another name and we won't know it is you, but you'll still be able to vent to us and help each other!! Don't think about death... it is just a coward's way out! Trust me, I have asked myself many times over the past two years what my purpose is in this world and why am I wasting my time? I'd be better off dead!! But then there will come a day when we will all get better and learn to appreciate life! We are so blinding by these stupid hormones and chemicals running our lives, we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But it is there (not that I've found it yet), but it has to be!! Feel better Vulvy, and remember, we CARE!

Ernie,
No offense meant! Sorry!!
 
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ernie55B
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3/22/05 3:02 PM
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LOOKINFORHELP,
THANK YOU. NO OFFENSE TAKEN. I SEE YOU LIVE IN YERUSHALAYIM. MY BROTHER IS A RAV IN YERUSHALAYIM AND IF YOU NEED THE NAME OF A GOOD THERAPIST I AM SURE HE CAN PROVIDE ONE (AMERICAN OR ISRAELI). JUST SAY THE WORD AND I WILL GET IT FOR YOU. I ADMIRE YOUR EMUNAH AND BITACHON AND IN THAT ZICHUS MAY YOU HAVE A REFUAH SHELAYMA!
I AM GLAD VULVY LIKES THE SHOFAR. HE IS OBVIOUSLY VERY ANGRY ABOUT SOMETHING AND I HOPE HE GETS THE HELP HE NEEDS.
POP- KEEP ON INSPIRING YOURSELF BECAUSE IT IS INSPIRATIONAL FOR OTHERS AS WELL. YOU SOUND LIKE A WONDERFUL PERSON AND I AM SURE YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU.
YOU ARE MORE RIGHT THAN YOU KNOW WHEN YOU SAY THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOURSELF IS TRY AND HELP SOMEONE ELSE. YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY MUCH YOUNGER THAN I AM BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN CHIZUK TO SOMEONE WHO IS IN THE THROES OF A VERY SEVERE DEPRESSION. I FOUND THIS SITE BY ACCIDENT AND I BELIEVE IT IS HELPFUL FOR ANYONE WHO MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH WHAT WE ARE, TO KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE WITH OUR THOUGHTS. AGE,GENDER - IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE. IF A HUMAN BEING CAN WRITE A FEW WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT THAT MAY HELP SOMEONE ELSE, THEY ARE REQUIRED TO DO SO. MAYBE SOMEDAY VULVY WILL RECOGNIZE THIS.
I HOPE YOU WILL EXPERIENCE ONLY POSITIVE TIMES FROM THIS MOMENT ON!
 
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Admin
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3/22/05 3:21 PM
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Please do not shout (typing in all caps)! It is very difficult to read...
 
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ernie55B
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3/22/05 4:41 PM
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sorry- never realized that!
 
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The Power Of Prayer
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3/22/05 4:59 PM
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lookinforhelp,

It's okay, you had a right to express your opinion. I can see how someone might take that the wrong way and you are right that someone could have a negative influence from it. Anyway, I understand where you were coming from. In truth, it did bother me somewhat when I first read your response, but then when I read over my message again, I understood what you were referring to. So, I am sorry about that and I really did not mean to write something that was not appropriate for "younger audiences" Actually, I am happy that you did in fact point that out to me. I hope you are well, and thank you for your compliment that you wrote previously about my message being an inspiration. I appreciate that
Wishing you mazel, bracha and hatzlacha!!

The Power Of Prayer
 
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Ray
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3/22/05 5:52 PM
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guys and gals, this is a great site that i also stumbled upon. it is hard to understand that everyone only means well. sometimes u think in your head what you want to hear as you read. so try and remember the good only!!
 
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Vulvy
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3/23/05 3:39 AM
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I didn't think that I would revisit this website again and maybe I don't belong on this website any longer, but I must apologize to Pop and Earnie. I was feeling very "paranoid" the other day and with someone that has bipolar like me, feelings like these can erupt under a tremendous amount of anxiety.
In short, I called the Hatzallah Friday night and motzei Shabbos, both times fearing I was going to die; No! not the fake stuff. I mean, that I was honestly positive that I was going to have a heart attack Chas Vsholom. Embarrassing? Not as embarrassing as having to pull out my meds in front of 4 hatzalahs and my entire family.
So even though it's confidential and their all restricted from saying anything, the haunting thought of everyone finding out is what is handing me all this renewed anxiety.
These panic attacks have left me even more uncomftorable about writing my personal information, even on this website.
I obviously did not read both your posts correctly, well for that matter I had not been paying close attention to your other posts as well. I'll admit I am too involved in my own problems, sometimes I feel like the world evolves around me. That's why I decided to delete everything I wrote, because almost everything that I had written from the beginning was all about me.
Oh and by the way, is it my imagination or are there are only females on this site, with the exception of a few of us that don't know any better? Like I said, maybe I'm just very paranoid.
 
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ernie55B
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3/23/05 8:24 AM
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Vulvy-
I am glad you are back. No need to apologize. Isn't it really sad that you need to hide the fact that you are suffering from an illness that you cannot control. It is no different than any other medical condition. You cannot turn it on and off- if you could , you would. You MUST always remember this! Hashem gave you this illness, you did not ask for it, and therefore you have NOTHING to be embarressed about. As a matter of fact, it takes a lot of guts to put things on this website even though I am sure no one has a clue who you are. I urge you to keep doing so because I can see from my own experience, it helps to talk it out.
Unfortunately, there is still a stigma attached to these type of conditions (my own wife has no use for "shrinks" and thinks I am wasting our money going to one). Perhaps somehow the frum community can be educated about these things. Maybe community leaders should set up lectures for spouses and prospective shidduch mates who have no idea about these things and teach them that most mental illness can be treated and that most people with it can be some of the finest people around.
Keep writing , don't worry if it is all about "me", and try not to be paranoid. No one here will judge you if you do not judge them. Try to have a Frailichin Purim!
 
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Ray
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3/23/05 11:24 AM
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Ernie,

i was just telling a friend of mine that there should be groups for dating girls and guys to understand difficult situations and to know that going to a therapist is a good thing not a bad thing. don't think of it as a shrink but as someone that knows more and can help deal with issues and situations.
 
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ernie55B
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3/23/05 2:45 PM
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I don't think of it as a "shrink". I said my WIFE does.
 
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Ray
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3/23/05 4:14 PM
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Ernie,

i know u don't and that your wife does, i wish she didn't that's all. there are many other ppl that think of it as a shrink also and they shouldn't.

Ray
 
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ernie55B
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3/23/05 10:06 PM
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Thanks Ray,
How are you doing lately? It must be real tough for you with Crohns AND depression.
 
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Ray
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3/24/05 10:56 AM
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Ernie,

it's real tough but somehow i'm still alive, not enjoying but alive.
 
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ernie55B
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3/24/05 2:34 PM
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Ray,
I'm sorry you don't sound too good. Do you have a network of friends and/or family that you can confide in?I find that to be sooo important.
Also- as far as meds. are concerned there is a new anti-dep. on the market called Cymbalta. I am taking it, and I find my mood to be a little lighter. I still am far away from being at a point where I am happy to be alive but I am constantly working at it. Maybe someday I will enjoy life... who knows?
The thing is, my MD. says he is seeing some good results with this drug in other patients with VERY few side effects. Maybe you should inquire about it.
In the meantime, just know that even though I have no clue who you are, I am happy you are alive.
Try to have a very happy Purim!
 
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Ray
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3/24/05 2:43 PM
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Ernie,

Thanks for letting me know about the med, i'm gonna ask my MD about it.
i have some friends that i could talk to but not really confide in my problems about what's really goin on and when i do discuss my crohns and other stuff i feel like i'm being a pain and a kvetch and they are really not interested sooo....
I hope to have a happy purim, i will be spending a lot of time davening.
Freilichin purim to ya all!!

Sincerely,
Ray
 
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Ray
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3/24/05 2:49 PM
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Ernie,

i just sent u a private message.

Ray
 
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lookinforhelp
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3/26/05 6:22 PM
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Ernie and POP,
Thanks for understanding and not getting upset at me!!

Ray,
It is sooo great to see you posting around here again!!

Vulvy,
I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time. It is understandable that you felt humiliated in front of Hatzala and your family, but you shouldn't have to be! As Ernie said, it is NOT your fault. You are sick, as we all are and nothing to be ashamaed of! A person who is C"V diabtetic or had kidney problems isn't usually embarrassed of their disease b/c they know and understand that it is G-d's will, not their fault. However, due to the stigma in our society people percieve mental illnesses as the our fault... which is totally ridiculous!! Also, you didn't have to take down your posts! We want to hear how YOU are doing and feeling! This is your place to vent and cry and express you feelings, thoughts and problems!! We dont' mind, we want to listen and see if we can help! That is what I believe this site was made for (a word of thanks to our sponsors...), and you are allowed and entitled to use it for that! So please, post whatever is on your mind b/c we are here to listen!!

I hope everyone has had a frielechen Purim and is doing well!! Be happy!!!

Sinecerely, LFH

 
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motcha
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3/27/05 12:06 AM
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Vulvy,
You are going to get better and learn how to manage your condition. years bacl I used to get so depressed on Purim. One year, when I was learning in Israel, I couldn't eat. It was awefull. but this year I went to megilla, I'm learning masechta megilla, a friend called me, etc it was all baseder. I felt a little down but nothing major. I have a job lined up for when I finnish college and I got a good job evaluation.
Bipolar is so intertwined with many factors including not just biological but enviormental ones. Do you have a good structured day? How do you orginise your time? Tell us. You wrote that you are getting better. Be a little "liberal." Accept your seeming;y differences right now. You will live a happy life. It just takes time. (Unfortionately. Its like hurry up already lol.) Hows your therapy? Helping?
My brother had panic and was in a car accident. He told hatzala about his meds. I tell drs about my meds yomam valayla. You are not alone.
What you doing for Pesach?
Motcha
 
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motcha
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3/27/05 12:09 AM
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ray/ How was Purim?
lookinforhelp, u too?
Everyone here.
 
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lookinforhelp
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3/27/05 1:57 PM
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I was DREADING purim this year, as last year was the worst purim I ever had to go through! I was far away, visiting my friend and I was sooo very very depressed with not a soul to talk to and nobody to understand. I wanted to get drunk so that I could smile, but my friend wouldn't let me near the wine. Then I refused to go to the seuda and I just stayed in the room and cried sp bitterly!! I couldn't understand why everyone was so happy while I was withering inside! I worried so much that this year would be the same and then when my best friend got engaged on Wednesday night I knew forsure that it was bound to be horrible holiday!! But then, to my utter delight, Hashem did "venahafoch hu" and it was a beautiful day!! I even got more than one day of Purim since I live in Yerushalayim Ir Hakodash!!!! I davened at the Kotel for hours on Friday morning, and I truly believe that is what made everything for me! Baruch Hashem is all I have to say!!!
How was everyone elses' purim?
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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3/27/05 10:22 PM
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Dear Gang,
Holidays are often really difficult for people, and it is very heartening for me to see you all giving each other such great support. Yeshar koach!
Adam
 
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lookinforhelp
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3/28/05 5:08 AM
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Thanks doc!!
 
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Vulvy
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I'm always nervous that people will find out who I am, or know who I am already. That's why I am constantly deleting my posts. One of my problems is that sometimes I'm not sure what's true and what's not. It’s a struggle, but I have to live with it. So I am going to write the following not knowing if anyone knows who I am.

When I first came to this site I was a very depressed person, I felt so sorry for myself. With no job, little learning and little social contact, I felt miserable. It was a good day if I davened both Mincha and Maariv. I thought everyone had it better then me. But I have gained tremendously since then. I realized that it wasn’t just me. There are other people out there with problems.

It’s been said over and over again in these forums that depression is an illness just like any other and with the right medication and therapy one can live a very productive life. At least for now, I am feeling great. Boruch Hashem all I have to worry about is the fact that I’m 25 and not married and that people are talking about me behind my back or maybe its paranoia which is embarrassing enough. But what's more is that I have my emotions back. It's so wonderful; I’m sure all of you with depression know what it means not to have emotions. Boruch Hashem I could feel others pain, not just my own. Boruch Hashem I could feel sad when I hear a sad tune and happy when I hear a lively tune. And now I could feel guilty that I am not working and everyone else out there is or I could feel guilty when I don’t daven Maariv or learn something the whole day and now I could feel guilty that I may get sympathy that I don't deserve.


Edited: 4/12/05 at 2:37 AM by Vulvy
 
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lookinforhelp
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4/16/05 7:31 PM
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Does this mean you're feeling better Vuvly?

:-)
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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4/18/05 2:18 AM
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Vulvy-
I am so glad you are feeling better! Yashar koach on reaching out and persevering!! And yashar koach to the people on the site for their helpful messages. Please continue to do the things that have helped. Of course, I do not know you, but a common mistake that people make is that when they feel better, they stop their "medicine". I put the word, medicine in quotes because it takes more than just pills to get better.
A Lynn
 
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