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TOPIC TITLE: Ideas for Fighting Depression
Created On 9/26/10 9:39 PM
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shtarkebachur
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9/26/10 9:39 PM
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I have a lot of experience with being depressed; I've shared a lot of it on this website. However, I would like to share something that i also have quite a bit of experience with: NOT being depressed.

Since my depression is mostly gone, I would like to share some ideas for fighting depression, based on what has worked for me.

Please let me know if you find anything i say helpful!

Before i hit the sack tonite, i'll say this:

It takes a long time, and it's really difficult, but there really is a way out of depression; it involves a lot of reaching out to give to others. When you light up people's lives, you become a light, and there is no place brighter than inside the light itself!

This doesn't mean you should be a doormat. It means you should find ways taht YOU enjoy giving to people. For me, this would mean playing music for hospitalized people, for example. The key is to find something you love doing, and use it to give to others.


-------------------------
Enjoying life while fighting anxiety!
 
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su7kids
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9/26/10 10:13 PM
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This is great news to hear that you are on this side of it. Keep up the good work!!


-------------------------
Proud Mom of 7, MIL to 3, Grandmom of 4!
 
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tootired
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9/28/10 6:07 PM
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shtarkebachur-how did you get over your depression? just by giving to people-because i give to ppl and still feel horrible?
 
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channafofanna
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9/28/10 7:08 PM
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same here- but the problem wth me is i give 2 much and resent it cuz im 2 OCD.
but yeah, i know what your talking about. chessed can really make you happy if you find your talent or special thing to give.
 
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soome16
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2/24/11 1:16 AM
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Children are happy. Many adults are not.

Difference between children and adults:

1. PAST- Children have no past
2. PRESENT - Children find everything new and exciting
3. FUTURE - Children are not worried about the future, because they haven’t experienced failure or been pumped with negative sentiment.

Therefore, although we are naturally happy, but many adults are sad because:

1. PAST - Adults think the past is bad
2. PRESENT - Adults get bored of life
3. FUTURE - Adults are worried about the future

So just have the following thoughts running slowly and deliberately through your mind over and over again. You can adapt it to your own words.

1. PAST - “All that has happened is purposeful and for the best, and even the “bad’ things will be appreciated one day”
2. PRESENT - “ What can be done for family and others today”
3. FUTURE - “Hashem will make everything work out well in a revealed good way”

And..

1. PAST - You will appreciate the past
2. PRESENT - You will be happy with now (and productive)
3. FUTURE - You will feel confident for the future (and thus successful)

try this constantly for a week and you will feel a difference
try it for 2 months and you will feel different
try it for 6 months and you will be different!

Years of negative thoughts running through your mind clog up your brain until it explodes. we wash our clothes, our bodies etc. somethimes you have to wash your brain too.

good luck
 
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mouse
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2/24/11 4:21 AM
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I find myself getting really mad about this last post....If only depression and life were that simplistic that you could just change with those thoughts. Just a thought: not ALL children are happy. Some want to die....some try to die....they may just not have the tools or knowledge of HOW to die yet. Babies cry all the time...They aren't innately happy. You have to play with them and feed em and burp em.... You're comparisons are faulty at best. If depression could be "fixed" that easily, then there wouldn't be therapists.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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yanky
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2/24/11 8:57 AM
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I'm not mad, but I agree totally with you, Munkster, about the last post. If only it were that easy......

Sure, just change your way of thinking. Right............

I think I know why you are mad. The post implies that it's our own fault for suffering from depression. Why don't we just put our brains in the washing machine (like clothes) and wash out the negative thoughts? Must be because we WANT to!

This post doesn't get me mad. I'll tell you what does. A well known Rav (quoted here in the past) wrote that anyone who is depressed has no hakoras hatov. This is SO false. I have hakoras hatov for everything HKB"H gave me. Yet I feel He has also given me an ILLNESS that prevents me from having a will to live. Obviously, this Rav never suffered from depression and had no clue as to what causes it.
 
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downandout
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2/24/11 11:28 AM
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The said post just kind of makes me shocked at how oblivious people are to what depression is all about. Even ordinary sadness. I'm kind of just in a daze right now at how clueless people can be.

It is most definitely not as simple as just switching our thoughts. And, like munkster wrote, it would be nice if children are happy, but unfortunately, many are not. My depression began when I was a young child, remained untreated, and continued into adulthood.

'Twould be nice if it was that simple. But it ain't. There's a reason meds and all sorts of therapy exist. And hospitals and psych wards.


-------------------------
I want to love my life. My desire is what counts.
 
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soome16
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2/24/11 5:12 PM
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Dear people,
I have suffered from depression for nearly 20 years. Went to psychiatrists, took many meds, tried viatamins etc.
nothing worked! Have had many suicidal thoughts.
With the help of G-d, I can say I have recently recovered (although, being a depressed person by nature, it will be a life struggle, and i have down days). Working on my thoughts, controlling every thought going through my head (yes it takes work) making sure no negatibve thought enter. replaying pre-planned specific positive thoughts again and again and again through my mind, I have climbed out of depression for the first time I can recall.
I am drug free, and enjoy life alot of the time.
i can give u step by step of how i did it, and im getting better at it every day.
 
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soome16
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2/24/11 5:19 PM
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if u want to be in contact with me, I really believe i can help you without any drugs etc.. u can email me at help9311@gmail.com
 
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soome16
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2/24/11 5:23 PM
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noone wants to be depressed, but many dont know how to get out of it
 
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yanky
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2/24/11 8:19 PM
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Soome-

I am certainly happy for you that you were able to get out of your depression. What we are saying here, is that for seriously depressed people the technique you discuss sounds great on paper but is virtually impossible for most people to master. The simple reason being, is that the thoughts in the brain that are messed up (due to chemical imbalance) are the very ones that do not allow for "normal" thoughts. Yes, mind control can work for many illnesses. One can lower their blood pressure just by using their brain to relax. Same for certain types of pain. But when the illness IS the thought process itself, (again, in most cases) thoughts cannot change the illness.

As others said, were it such a simple matter there would be no need for psychiatrists, psychologists etc. Unless you believe that in reality THEY know this to be true as well, but withhold this information just so that they can stay in business.
 
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soome16
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2/24/11 10:24 PM
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i used to think like you.
there are different levels of thought.
the most basic lowest level is when u imagine actual words (made of letters) scrolling accross in your mind. If you stop and draw the letters in your head, you can choose which words you are going to think. If you make sure to choose positive thoughts e.g close your eyes and imagine you are slowly handwritting the following words in your head "everything will be good". you will see that at this level of thinking you can control. And this is what i am talking about when i say positive thinking. If you do this enough, you will notice your mind feeling clearer and better (although at first, ur mind will fight these positive thoughts) over time, you will get better at it, and move to the next level.
 
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soome16
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and no. i dont believe most therapists know this basic stuff. I had clinical depression and was convinced that I was unable to get out of it, like most people on this site. I actually got this technique after studying chassidus and understand how thoughts work. there is more to it, but i dont have time to type so much.
my father is a psychiatrist and i dont believe he knows this simple advice. i plan on speaking to him.
 
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yanky
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2/24/11 10:57 PM
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Oh. I see now. I close my eyes and repeat "everything will be good" (or "ahles vet zein gut") every spare moment that I have. Then, I will no longer have a chemical imbalance in my brain, I will no longer feel the pain of divorce, fibromyalgia, financial distress, house in foreclosure, daughter living in an arab village and giving birth to an arab child etc, etc.....

Hmmmmm. Now why didn't I think of that? I'm sure the process is even covered by my insurance!



 
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mouse
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2/25/11 12:42 AM
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Ok, I'm glad this worked for you. Obviously you are not in the same place, and havenn't been, than many of us on here. I was abused severely as a child. Now tell me how happy a chld is....I wanna hear it. Tell me. I was suicidal in second grade. Remind me of that happy kid i once was.....I am at a loss of remembering it. Life sucks. Few solutions. You are too damn closed minded to think there is a possiblity ppl suffer differently (or more) than you did or have. I'm glad you found a solution.... Sometimes solutions like that work for the shallow minded with relatively shallow problems. For the rest of us with REAL problems.....there are psychologists, psychiatrists, psyc units, ECT, and the sort. I'm one stop short of saying you are a complete moron who bought into a way of thinking very easily and got brainwashed into feeling "happy" when in reality you feel nothing.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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yanky
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2/25/11 11:03 AM
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Munkster,

I'm really sorry you had to endure such an awful life. You are right. Life sucks. I don't know if the guy is a moron, but I agree that what he writes is simplistic and closed minded.

I think it's a bit suspicious that he wrote that his father is a psychiatrist and even HE does not know this wonderful technique. You would think that after being depressed for 20 years and then being miraculously cured, his own father would already know how this came about and would not need to be taught this "technique" by his own son....

Again, sorry about the other post.

PLEASE feel better!!!!
 
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mouse
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2/26/11 7:15 PM
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I forgive you, Yanky.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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yanky
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2/26/11 8:29 PM
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Thank You!!!!!

How are you feeling today? How was your Shabbos?


Edited: 2/26/11 at 8:31 PM by yanky
 
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yanky
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Edited: 2/26/11 at 8:30 PM by yanky
 
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mouse
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I've had a better Shabbos, but I survived so I guess that counts....Now, Motzei Shabbos....that was MUCH worse...nearly wrecked the house doing one dumb thing....LOL. I guess I'm lucky I may only have to replace a rug.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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yanky
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2/27/11 6:49 PM
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Yeah, survival. That's the name of the game for a lot of us here.

Sorry you had something bad happen on Motzei Shabbos, but at least you were able to describe it with a "LOL"
 
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soome16
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2/27/11 9:50 PM
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how about u try it for 6 months and then tell me what u think
 
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mouse
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2/28/11 3:58 AM
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How about u just shove it


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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mouse
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Yanky, I almost drowned my house single handedly and killed the family pets......u gotta have SOME humor there .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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3/2/11 3:04 PM
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I think an important thing to keep in mind is that there are different types of depression and different types of cures. What Soome is describing sounds a lot like Cognitive Therapy, which can be helpful and effective. Likewise, I have seen ECT work, psychiatric meds work, EMDR work, etc. When things work, they work. I have seen people who have been suffering with PTSD symptoms for decades feel better in an hour via EMDR! I know it sounds unbelievable. On the other hand, I have seen each of these aforementioned methods not work. It is important not to blame the technique (or especially oneself) for not getting out of depression. I think the goal is to remain optimistic and open-minded to find the right method for the person. A lot of times, when people ask what type of orientation I am regarding therapy, I tell them "I try to do what works", and I listen to the patient when they tell me what Didn't work in the past.
a lynn
 
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shtarkebachur
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I have found in my experience in fighting depression that cognitive and behavioral (thinking and doing) techniques are only helpful if they are done together with understanding of how one's problems developed.

If you just try to change your negative thoughts, it's possible that you'll just get into a deeper depression, because you're thinking more and more about the depressed thoughts you are having. And you keep failing at getting rid of them.

What I found helpful was to give my problems some context. I still find it helpful sometimes when I get anxious or down, to think about how it makes sense to have this anxiety, because I grew up in a home with lots of yelling and criticism, and marital problems.

I've come a very long way in fighting my depression. Although I don't think I ever had it as bad as other people here, I don't think that's a reason for people to minimize what I went through, because when you feel like your life will never be happy, that's a pretty valid problem. I just want to share what worked for me, and if you have any questions about that, please ask them. My wish is to give some of you guys some more hope, but at the same time, not to pretend that your problems have simple solutions.

If you guys had a simple solution to your problems, I'm 100% sure you would have implemented it already, and would not be posting here anymore (except to help others )

Obviously, long-standing depression isn't something that can be solved in a couple of seconds. PTSD fixed in one hour with EMDR? Maybe for some people. Never tried it. I think depression needs a long-term solution, where you don't expect to pop out of it. (Too many people seem to think we should; we don't have to believe them.) It takes persistent work over a long time, and it takes a lot of courage to even try to fight it. Especially when the results are so minimal with so much work.

However, I think that most people can improve their lives somewhat, and then using their new strength, improve their lives somewhat more, and then take that strength and move even further than they ever imagined, and then relapse, and then get back on track and move forward again.

It's about a million small victories, building on one another. As Dr. Lynn said, please keep looking for something you find helpful. You might need a more compassionate therapist. You might need a therapist who gives you more "homework." There are some great ones out there, and many not-so-great ones. Really. Just because someone has a PhD, doesn't mean they know how to treat people. It's not your fault you're still stuck. If you could, you'd pop out of it. Nobody loves being depressed.

Everyone please have hope and try another day.


-------------------------
Enjoying life while fighting anxiety!
 
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ShtarkeMentch
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5/3/13 10:02 AM
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ShtarkBachur, welcome back.
So great to hear about your progress
I was so impressed by what you wrote here in the past. Especially your threads encouraging us all to pay attention to the small victories. That when I joined the forum a short while ago I chose the name shtarkeMentch as a salute to you. I hope you don't mind.
One of my first posts was letting everyone know that I am not you, we just chose similar names.
I will continue reminding people of that.

However if you would like me to change my username I definitely will.
 
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shtarkebachur
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7/31/17 10:21 PM
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Hey mentch! I was off the site for a bit and just found this. I'm very honored!


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Enjoying life while fighting anxiety!
 
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