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TOPIC TITLE: Soul in Pain
Created On 4/14/05 10:21 PM
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SOULinPain
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4/14/05 10:21 PM
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Hello and thanks for giving me a minute of your time.

Suffering from a mental illness is the highest form of suffering for when physical pain (matter) strikes, the intellect (mind) can overcome it. What happens when the brain cannot function?
The body cannot perform its assigned duties and activities; the vessels are not able to retain the light in harmony. The soul is shattered.

This is where I am today.

This is my opinion, what is yours?

Warm regards
 
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lookinforhelp
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4/16/05 7:27 PM
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Well put SIP!!

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering. Are you on meds? Seeing a therapist?

Please keep posting and then you will meet friends here that can understand you and help you through this time of darkness...

Hatzlacha rabba and refua sheleima!!
 
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motcha
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4/16/05 10:52 PM
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Hi,
its terrible that you are suffering. For me, at least, yom tov was harder than other times of the year. Do you think maybe thats why it might be worse now?
Are you in therapy? Taking meds? Those two saved my life. There is hope for you. Just you need to get help. Let us know whats going on.
Motcha
 
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bitachonster
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4/16/05 11:33 PM
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hi-i also want to welcome you to the site. i hope that you gain a lot of insight and friends from it; there are many others out there who have very similar pain! we all share in your feelings. are there specific things that have happened to your recently or in the past that you think could have initiated these negative feelings?
tell us how you are doing... with Hashem's help, we can all help each other on the road to true happiness!
Bitachonster


-------------------------
stayingpositive
 
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Recovering
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4/17/05 9:35 PM
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Hi SOULinPain,

Yes, I know exactly what you're feeling, I'm feeling it too.

Today was not a good day. Baruch Hashem I've taken great strides lately, thanks to EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - emofree.com - check it out, it's the biggest Bracha I've ever had, and I thank Hashem every day for it) but today was a regression of sorts. I'm just gonna write my thoughts, I'm not saying they're valid or right or good, but this is how I'm feeling now -

Why can't I clean?
Why can't I run my house?
Why does my house overwhelm me?
Why must I be perfect?
Why must I be so sad?
WHY MUST I BE SO SAD?
WHY MUST I BE SO SAD?
Can I every be happy?
Why can't I clean?
Why do I cry?
Why can't I do simple tasks that every Jewish woman should be able to do?
Why do I fall apart at the littlest challenge to my capabilities?
Why do I feel so incompotent?
Why do I feel so worthless?
Why do I feel so hopeless?
Why do I feel so much pain?
Why do I feel so much sorrow?
Why?
Why?
Why?
I could go on and on and on and on.....

But I'll stop here.

Thank you for listening.


-------------------------
-"On the ladder of life, it matters not what rung you are on, but only how many you have climbed."

-"Love Thyself!"
 
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SOULinPain
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4/17/05 9:48 PM
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I thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.

Yes I am on meds and went to therapy. Unfortunately, it didn’t help. Every Dr. I met, gave me different stories about my condition. From mood disorder, to Bi-polar. From paxil to welbutrin and so on.

I haven’t found a psy who really care and be concerned about their patients .They seem to me like attorneys, the clocks ticks when you enter the room. None of the therapists I went to were able to "capture my mind" even after thousands of dollars spent for their valuable time. I am really disappointed of this profession.

Today, I wonder. I know that life is difficult. But why so difficult? Do we have a choice not to follow the path of pain and suffering?

Each week that goes by, I contemplate on my new guests. Every week a new white hair seems to find its way into my hair or my beard. I cannot ignore that the suffering is leaving a physical seal on my body.

But why? Why do we have to feel that way? Is it the punishment on past deeds performed by us? Was it predetermined that our lives will have to be that way?

OK then let's think positive. Let’s analyze why suffering exist.

So I open our holy books, the books that are suppose to give answers based on torah values. OK there are great explanations and ideas. For instance: "The righteous suffers in this world and will enjoy the reward later, while the wicked is been rewarded in this world in order to lack and suffer later on.

For some reason, my mind cannot understand all this. I do know how to reason with torah values, but my being is not able get warm and inspire from it.

I will tell you the truth, confusion has taken over my mind.

I am unable to write what’s really happening in my brain. My method of thinking has been bugged. It feels like my inside computer cannot perform, as if affected by a virus.

For some reason, when this happened in real life, I able to debug my PC. I learn all aspects of the malicious bugs and virus. So, when my PC is hijacked, I scan thousand of files until I find the bug and exterminate it for ever.

Afraid to get affected again? No problem! Install the anti-virus software.

Is there an intellectual scanner? Is there intellectual anti-virus software? I wonder!

This is my opinion, what’s yours?
Regards,
SIP


 
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SOULinPain
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4/17/05 9:58 PM
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I just read something that I would like to share with you.

"IF YOUTHINK ABOUT YOURSELF ALL DAY, YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO BECOME DEPRESSED. TAKE AN HOUR A DAY TO THINK OF HOW YOU CAN BENEFIT SOMEONE ELSE"

To recovering:
You are talking about EFT. What is it? And is this a proven method?



 
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motcha
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4/17/05 11:30 PM
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I see medication as a virus blocker. Maybe you havent found the right psychologist yet. It took me like 16 years to find the right one. calling them lawyers is kind. Mine were rshayim. But now I am with a psychologist and psychiatrist for 3 years and I am very happy. I can give you their names if you want. But they arent the only ones. You gottta find the good ones.
 
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motcha
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4/17/05 11:34 PM
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I have asked myself every question you asked. I was once walking down the street in manhattan and started crying about how I didnt have a job. But now I am better and getting my ba degree. You can get better too.
Are you in therapy? Are your meds working? That is the most basic question. You need profesional care. That is what has helped me.
What is your diagnosis?
 
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motcha
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4/17/05 11:38 PM
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Confused thinking can be caused by depression. Thats what I was told when I experienced what you are expoeriencing.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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4/18/05 2:09 AM
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Dear Gang,
First of all, I have to say that I am consistently impressed and moved by the level of support on this site!

Second, SIP, I think you ask some powerful and profound questions. These are my opinions: I agree that when a person has a mental illness (as opposed to a physical illness), the ability to recover is often harder because everything a person sees is funnelled through distorted lenses. What makes things especially difficult is that people with a mental illness are simultaneously more astute to some of the realities of life, because of heightened sensitivites; hence, this causes one to question one's own judgment- when are you seeing clearly and when are you seeing wrongly?!. Said simply, in my experience, people with mental illness often see things that others don't, for better AND for worse, which is often very confusing.

Third, when it comes to pain and suffering, most people see these as synonomous...but I don't. I define pain as: the involuntary response to a negative stimuli, while suffering is one's relationship to their pain. Therefore, lain is not chosen, but suffering is, even though we often don't realize we are chosing it.
Your thoughts?
A Lynn
 
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ernie55B
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4/18/05 8:50 AM
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To SIP & Recovering,
I have struggled with depression since I can remember. Right now it is very severe. I told my psy. that there is a little guy in my brain telling me to just 'do it' and get it over with. But there are other guys in my brain reminding me how many people will suffer if I were to do that. I realize that I have so much to live for including 3 beautiful children. I am ashamed of myself for feeling this way.But that is the nature of depression. There are thoughts and feelings that are almost impossible to control.
I have long since given up trying to figure out why? It is useless. The only important question is HOW? How can I continue to function when I feel this way? I have tried every drug just as you have and been to countless therapists. (You are right, most are like the way you describe, although the current psy. I am seeing is not like that- if you want I can refer you to him - in the L.I. area). I am told that I MUST try ECT- shock therapy or else I will need to be hospitalized. My internist feels I should do it- it is completely safe. It is just very time consuming- 3 times a week for 6 weeks.
My feeling is , this is a nisoyon from Hashem like other people's nisyonos, and time will tell if I will be able to pass the test. It is hard, very hard. But there is no choice.
I think one of the best things one can do is chesed for another person. You can see, so many people who post here are suffering and are reaching out for help, but at the same time they are trying to give chizuk to others. I know it is therapeutic for me to do the same.
So my advice to you and to everyone else out there, is to find a way to try and help someone else.
I wish a Chag Kasher Visamayach to everyone out there, and keep davening for each other.
 
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SOULinPain
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4/18/05 10:32 PM
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Today, I came to realize that we (in the troubled community) are meant to be different.

Different in a sense that those that are so removed from mental feelings or any mental disturbance will never join our community.

We are a community that cannot be part of the "standard community". By the same token, the "standard community" will never be part of our community.

Perhaps, it's time to come out of the closet. To stand out for ourself and be recognized for whom we are. Disturbed people! After whole, we are disturbed.

this is my opinion ,

What's yours??

Regards,

SIP
 
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SOULinPain
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4/18/05 10:38 PM
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Do you choose to put your hand in the fire and leave it there?
Are you saying that we are all masochists?
To suggest that we are voluntarily ready to suffer is really not reasonable.
Regards,
SIP
 
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ernie55B
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4/18/05 10:40 PM
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What happened today to make you come to that conclusion?
 
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motcha
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4/18/05 11:43 PM
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I think we are supposed to try our best to accept our condition and try to improve it through medicine, therapy and whatever else apropriately works. I used to see us a different. I'm not sure now. Focusing on diference can reinforce our sense of alienation. Or make us thinks were damaged. I am more into acceptance and remembering that many people have unique and trying conditions.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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4/19/05 12:48 AM
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I agree with Motcha that polarized thinking such as "us and them" is not helpful. Nor do I believe it is true. My view of mental health is much more of a "continuum" model than a "either you are well or sick" model.
a lynn
 
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Recovering
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4/19/05 1:05 AM
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I have to say that I agree with Motcha and Dr. Lynn. There are a lot of people suffering out there, and all at different degrees, to draw a line between us would alienate some and belittle the suffering of others. And even people who appear to have it all together - you never know. I knew someone who looked like the model Bais Yaakov girl, always put together and happy and smiling and pretty and talented, etc, etc, etc, her father just died from a cancer he had been suffering from for nine years, and she has been going through so much pain, and no one even knew. You just never know.

And by the way everyone, I am BARUCH HASHEM doing SO much better today - it was a great day! And I got a lot of cleaning done, too!


-------------------------
-"On the ladder of life, it matters not what rung you are on, but only how many you have climbed."

-"Love Thyself!"
 
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SOULinPain
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4/19/05 1:33 PM
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Hello everyone.

As you are all aware, I suffer. Some of you are tying to explain that suffering is a choice and pain is not.

So, if one say, I suffer, that means I make the choice to suffer. I am not sure I can agree with that.

But let me say this:

As much as I suffer, I am determined to find a solution to this problem.

So let me ask you the following:

Is hypnotherapy an option?

Do you know anything about Behavior Therapy? (And its ability to change thought pattern).

Any other solutions?

Regards,

SIP
 
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Ray
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4/19/05 1:53 PM
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Dear SIP,

Hypnotherapy, I think is a good thing. I did it once and it was very helful, you have to keep doing it though.
There are all sorts or techniques to help relax yourself and i find that it helps.

Hope you have a good day!!
 
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lookinforhelp
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4/21/05 4:21 PM
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Hey guys...

I need help!! I'm sooo depressed lately with all the stress that Pesach cleaning and cooking bring along with it... Along with the fact that I hate living at home and am sick of my family (I know I sound so mean, but it's been a hard day)!

I was finally feeling so much better, and then everything all at once... I'm so depressed again. Just wish Hashem would take me out of this world since I feel there is nothing worth living for anymore. It really sucks.

By the way Doc, my sister stole my diary and I have no idea what she did with it. I told her that if she dared to read it I would never speak to her again and when I get married and have children, they will not know that she exists.

Please, if anyone has an chizzuk for me, I would much appreciate it...

Thank you all! Chag kasher vesameach!!!

Sincerely, LFH
 
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ernie55B
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4/21/05 5:16 PM
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LFH-

It is almost time for Bidikas Chometz here in NY. Just quickly, HANG IN THERE! WE ALL NEED YOU AND YOUR CHIZUK!!!! Maybe knowing that will make you feel there is something worth
living for. Sorry, Hashem cannot take you now- you are too valuable!

Try and have the best possible Yom Tov you can- I envy your being in Yerushalayim.

Ernie

 
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Ray
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4/21/05 5:30 PM
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Hey everyone,

Have a GREAT yom tov, stay strong thru the stresful times
FEEL GOOD!

Ray
 
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ernie55B
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4/21/05 6:03 PM
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YOU TOO RAY! YOU TOO!
 
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Recovering
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4/22/05 1:25 AM
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LookinforHelp -can you discuss it seriously with your sister and explain to her how important it is to you? Treat her maturely and she'll (hopefully) treat you maturely back. Hatzlacha!!

I just want to take this opportunity to say to EVERYONE on here:

You guys are amazing. Hashem should help you all to see your strengths and see how much you've helped others. We should all find some of the peace that we are so desperately searching for. I think you are all a very impressive group of sensitive people who are searching, may Hashem help us find what we are looking for. I hope EVERYONE has at least a little peace during this Yom Tov of Freedom, and that you all get some freedom from the daily "demons" of depression. We have a lot to learn from each other, and a lot to gain from each other, and I'm looking forward to learning from all of you wonderful people (including you, LookinforHelp, you ain't goin' nowhere!!), and I thank you all for letting me join this wonderful community.

So too everyone, Motcha, Ray, LookinforHelp, Ernie, SoulinPain, Pealegesh, Dr. Lynn, and everyone else on these amazing Forums, thank you for being who you are, and have a PEACEFUL Pesach!


-------------------------
-"On the ladder of life, it matters not what rung you are on, but only how many you have climbed."

-"Love Thyself!"
 
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ernie55B
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4/22/05 7:37 AM
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I don't think I could possibly add to or say it better than Recovering just did!

Chag Kasher Vesameach to ALL!

Ernie
 
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lookinforhelp
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4/26/05 2:08 PM
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Hey guys... Moadim lesimchas!!

B"H I'm feeling a little better, and I told my sister that if she ever wants my kids to know that they have an aunt name "-----" then she better leave my diary outside my bedroom door within the hour. And guess what? It worked!!

Enjoy the rest of your chag everyone!!

Sincerely, LFH
 
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ernie55B
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4/26/05 3:26 PM
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Isn't it wonderful to see LFH smiling again?

I hope you ALL were able to enjoy Yom Tov at least a little and had some menuchas hanefesh. (Ray- I hope the matzah did not bother your stomach too much).

Ah guten Moed (to all my American friends) and Moadim Lisimcha (to all my Israeli friends)!!
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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4/28/05 2:03 AM
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LFH,
I am glad you got your diary back!

Gut moed everyone!
A Lynn
 
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