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TOPIC TITLE: Stop crushing my hope.
Created On 8/8/12 7:44 PM
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star
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besides the fact that I feel totally incapable of
having kids in the near future, so what's the point of
getting married? And whos gonna want to marry someone who
doesn't want kids right away?
I'm feeling so low energy today and seriously doubting that I'll ever be a mother.
anyone??


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star
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9/12/12 7:32 PM
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feel like hell. cant stop crying, just want to end this pain i cant take it, and no one knows how to help me. anyone care?


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HopefulMommy
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9/12/12 8:51 PM
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(((hugs)))

Hope you feel better soon! Take it one day at a time. You have a goal of getting married and having children. You're doing your best to reach this goal, by going to therapy, taking meds, and so on. Everything else is up to Hashem.

Men are not necessarily perfect either. There are men of marriageable age who are not ready to have children right away. Maybe you can marry someone like that and work on this goal together. I don't know if that would work for you, but just something to consider.
 
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star
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I feel dead today. Wish I was already. its a joke that I'll ever get married.just waiting to die.


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girlie19
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To me marriage also seems far off.
But I don't even think about it. I just take every day as it comes and try to take care of myself now.


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Be who u really want to be because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

Edited: 9/13/12 at 11:05 AM by girlie19
 
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star
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feeling a bit better now but scared to admit it. i think i may actually not want to get better.


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star
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not sure anyone cares, but I'm still depressed after a few days and can't seem to snap out of it.im scared I never will. I feel cut off from hashem so I can't even daven. I feel dead. Does anyone care or just sick of my constant complaining?


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HopefulMommy
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(((hugs))) I'm sorry you're feeling so low. We all care, and feel free to complain as much as you'd like. We're here for you. Hope you feel better soon.
 
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star
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thanks for caring to write


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girlie19
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Hope u feel better cuz I'm feeling pretty low too.


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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9/19/12 3:37 PM
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I understand it feels hopeless sometimes. I have worked with people in dreadful situations, and some of them got married and are really happy. I understand it is hard to maintain hope, but I think it is important to try to keep a positive attitude. Easier saud than done. We are here for you.
a lynn
 
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star
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Thank you for the hope.
Did anyone read the article about Returno in the Binah last week? The last paragraph was really nice, and gave me hope.


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MoMo
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Hi, I just read through this thread.
I hope you're doing well!!
 
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star
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Hi MoMO, welcome to frumsupport. its nice to have a new face.
BH Im doing ok today, taking it day by day.


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HopefulMommy
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I also liked the article on Retorno.
 
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star
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oh cool, I was wondering if anyone else saw it. Also, there was a letter to the editor by a wife of someone with depression,
which was really comforting to me.


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HopefulMommy
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Yes, I saw that too. It was a nice letter. It's interesting to hear from the other side.
 
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star
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I wrote to the binah magazine asking them if they would do a weekly column on depression, but they didn't seem too interested.
I just wish there was a way to bring more mental health awareness to the naive public. There would be so much less shame
and hiding if we could be more open and accepted, no?
Like maybe my "friends" wouldn't be making fun of shrinks if they were more aware of what people struggle with daily.
Is this just an unrealistic dream?


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HopefulMommy
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Binah magazine has a nice viewpoints column. Maybe they could feature somebody with depression.

I know what you mean. I was listening to a shuir recently, by a well-known speaker, who made a joke about a first grade teacher who wore a mask to school to protect herself from germs, calling her meshugane and generally making fun of people who are too cautious. I didn't think it was funny. The teacher clearly had OCD or the like and needed help, and compassion. Why can't people, especially those who represent Torah, be more sensitive?


Edited: 9/27/12 at 11:50 PM by HopefulMommy
 
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emunahdoj
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Star- I really know how you feel. It is so difficult with the stigma of mental illness in the frum world. It feels so lonely. Mishpacha magazine had a feature article on bipolar a few months ago. It was really good. Regarding getting married...i have been through that. Trust me. I ended up in the hospital because of it and ended up catatonic. I was so worried that no one would want to marry me. I would say "how is i possible? i'm on medication. who will deal with me? i don't see how this is possible." I became so sick over it I tried to kill myself and ended up inpatient. For four years I was sick about it. Two years ago I married my husband who when last night I yelled at him because I got angry said to me "I chose to marry you knowing that you have this menal illness and i am fine with it." BH he is so supportive. I have a hard time with emunah but marrying him has to be Hashem's doing. It's a miracle. I davened like crazy to marry my basheret. Even if it seems impossible, 40 days before you were conceived Hashem declared who you were going to marry. Your basheret is out there. And he will accept you as you are because he is your basheret and he was picked for you.
 
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emunahdoj
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Oh-and about having kids. I am terrified of having kids. We have been married a little over two years and don't have kids. I am still working on trying to feel ok about having kids but the point is-we did not have kids right away and my husband accepted it (again because he is my basheret.) Just take it one step at a time.
 
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emunahdoj
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One more thing- yes I read the article on retorno in binah I love those chizuk articles
 
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star
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leah85, thank you so much for the encouragement. your husband does sound like a miracle.
can i ask you how it worked in shidduchim? Like did you give full disclosure that you're on meds?
and does your husband suffer from anything physical or emotional?
sorry if its too many q's- feel free to not answer.


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star
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gut voch everyone.
I'm wondering if anyone else can
share their experience with shidduchim, how
much and when they had to tell about mental health etc. I would
so appreciate it.
munkster, I see you're on ?


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toy123
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I was married for a VERY short time and had issues but not like now never was on meds never been hospitalized and wasn't even diagnosed with depression so I didn't say anything as I didn't have to because at that time my issues seemed "normal". My ex on the other hand I'm not 100% sure but 99.9999999% sure had a mental illness. I wasn't told anything, everything was hidden from me so of course I didn't last long. I was young and naive (6 1/2 yrs ago). This bought me to the stage of becoming suicidal and threatening suicide which in the end made me come home. Only after I came home did all my "real" problems spring up. I was diagnosed with depression, borderline etc.. put onto meds began being hospitalized etc...

So star as for your question I vowed the next time I get married iy"h I'm gonna be straight up right away and not hide anything. That doesn't mean that by the first date/beshow I'll say anything but when it becomes more serious I will defenitely consider saying as I feel it is the right thing to do and as I would want the same done to me....

Hope this was helpful...

Sorry if not, I tend to rattle on and on.


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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star
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thanks for sharing, toy123. It sounds like you had a really rough time. I appreciate hearing your experience.


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toy123
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Star what do u plan on doing?


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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star
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not sure. im prob being mechalel but i feel like hell im never gonna get married AND I FREAKIN CANNOT HANDLE TWO DAYS OF YOM TOVE!!!!!I HATE YOU GD!!!


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toy123
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Hey star, how was yom tov? You okay? We haven't heard from you?!?!?!?!?!?


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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HopefulMommy
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I'm also thinking about you, star. Are you feeling any better? ((((hugs))))
 
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star
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hi thanx for your concern. im hanging in here. yom tov was crazy hard.


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HopefulMommy
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Sorry to hear that, and glad that you're hanging in there. Chol hamoed is busy, but please post and let us know how you're doing. Even if I don't have time to reply I'm thinking of you.
 
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star
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thanks for your concern. Bh I'm feeling a little
better now. I went to simchas bais
hashoaiva so that cheered me up a bit.
how is your sukkos going?


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toy123
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Succos by me is going okay. I was supposed to see my therapist today (haven't seen her since before Yom Kippur) and in the end she cancelled . I'm really upset about it. I could have used it. Whatever...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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star
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thats so annoying , toy123. im also going for a while without seeing my t and it sucks.


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mouse
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arghhh, toy...so sorry to hear .


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star
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I can't deal with this boredom, feeling of nothing to do , no structure!!!
I want to be back at work and in therapy and have something to do all day.
I'm starting to really hate yamim tovim.


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star
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back to thinking about shidduchim...anyone else want to share their experience?


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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
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What is going on regarding shidduchim with you?
 
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star
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Nothing as of yet, but i got the go ahead from my doc to start dating, so that's exciting but also scary.


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HopefulMommy
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Wow! Hatzlacha!
 
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star
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thanks


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star
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ok so feeling hopeful now about marriage b"H. doc said it could fill a lot of needs.
can anyone share their experience with this? like what needs, if any, it fills?


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HopefulMommy
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The need to matter to somebody. The need to feel wanted, loved, and appreciated. The need to give. The need to feel understood is tricky. Some men are better at that than others.
 
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Messed up
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I dont really have time to reply now, but just wanted to say that I'm so excited for you star, and Hatzlocha. and also that marriage fulled a lot of needs for me - a lot of what Hopefullmommy said.
 
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star
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thanks so much for sharing that, hopefulmommy and messed up.


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mouse
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My husband (and kids) are the best thing that's happened to me. I have less frequent hospitalizations now and am a happier person with my "other half."


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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star
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thanks munkster.
I feel so sad now. I told my sister what my doc said and she's telling me opposite things so now I don't know who to trust. I felt so hopeful before and now I feel sad and misunderstood. Should I stop talking even to my closest sister?


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star
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THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!! NINE MONTHS LATER AND IM STILL IN THIS RUT! I NEED TO GET MARRIED!


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star
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also looking back at my posts i used to be so much more polite but now im just in way too much pain!!! (yes! to someone who would like to invalidate that...)


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