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TOPIC TITLE: Lost...
Created On 9/8/05 9:34 PM
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pebbles
Junior Supporter

Posts: 10
Joined: Mar 2005

9/8/05 9:34 PM
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I am a 20 year old single femail who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of 17. I didnt know much about the disease but didnt think much of it. That summer I started going out with a guy who I found amazing and didnt mind me having MS. To make a long story short we ended up breaking 16 months later b/c his mother couldnt accept that I was sick. I was heart broken I was crying every single day for 3 months. I am not sure if what i have is depression or just extreme sadness. I wake up wondering why this is the life I live and what can i do to become happier. I still get sad and cry b/c i cant believe I am sick. I am great physically Baruch Hashem but emotionally i think im so far in I dont know what to do. I dont think I would be able to go to any therapist b/c anything they say to me I am sure i have heard before and there is no way to change how I think. I feel as if I wont ever feel love and I will be rejected over something I had no control over. No one knows that I am sick so I have no one to turn to when I get so sad. I am taking on all of this by myself and I just dont think I can do it anymore. For the most part I am a happy person and there is nothing more that makes me happy then to make others happy. I enjoy putting other peoples happiness before mine b/c thats what makes me happy. It's amazing to know that I am such a great actress hahaha. That i can make everyone around me so happy when deep down inside I have the big secret and they dont know anything about it. I guess this is my only outlet to get out what I am thinking w/o anyone really judging me. I would love to hear some sort of way to get over this emotional roller coaster I have been living.
 
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ernie55B
Senior Supporter

Posts: 419
Joined: Mar 2005

9/9/05 12:14 PM
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Hello Pebbles!

I'm really sorry to hear about your problems and I wish you a refuah shelayma.
I think you are making a big mistake about not going to a therapist.
What you heard from people is not the same as what you may hear from a professional. Also it is not true that you cannot change the way you feel. They can help you see things differently and that could help you feel differently.
Please do not rule it out! I urge you to get help.
Also, depression IS extreme sadness although it is sometimes more than that.
You sound like a wonderful person, and I am sure HKB"H will send along a guy that can really appreciate you!
Keep writing and let us know how you are doing.
Have a good Shabbos!

Ernie
 
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NeedSupport
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Posts: 58
Joined: Aug 2005

9/13/05 3:36 PM
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Hi Pebbles, I don't have the MS B"H but alot of other physical and mental issues, and also very depressed. I don't know how to stand up for myself and I can't stand the thought of making others feel bad, or unhappy, I end up making others happy but not myself... it's tough.. hang in there.. I do go to a therapist, but it does take time till one tiny thing is accomplished...
good luck!
 
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bubbles
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Posts: 114
Joined: Jun 2005

9/18/05 11:38 PM
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Hi pebbles,
I am so sorry that your illness must be kept a secret.
If you could share your knowledge with a few friends or family, your emotional pain would decrease immensely. It is too much of a burden to take upon your shoulders alone.
Is there anyone you can share your sadness with?

For your physical health it is very important for you to have accesss to emotional support.

A compassionate and proffessional therapist is a valid option, until you have the ability to build your own support network.

A good therapist will guide you towards creating your group of trusted people.

Just a thought:
I am in the middle of reading an excellent book. Its title is; 30 DAYS TO TESHUVA, A mussar guide based on Ohr Yisroel. The reason I mention this is b/c just today I happened to read an interesting piece.

"THE SUBCONCIOUS MIND IS iS FAR MORE INFLUENTIAL THAN THE CONCSIOUS MIND.
THEREFORE, WE HAVE A HIDDEN FORCE WITHIN US THAT EMPOWERS US WITH THE ABILITY
TO CHANGE OUR OWN NATURE."

We can change.
We are created witha tremendous ability for growth.
There is no doubt that you are faced with a difficult illness which is made so much worse because of the secrecy involved.

You DO NOT need to be living with such intense sadness.
There are options.
Please utilise them.
In the frum community now there are many well trained, wonderful therapists. You do indeed sound like a kind and caring person who has alot to offer.

So take the first step, dont live the hours of your days in misery, find help, and Hashem will do the rest.

I"YH you will find a husband who will stand by you, and not give in to his mothers wishes.
You will find someone as caring as yourself.
You do not deserve any less!

You are not ill now, and you may never be.
Do any of us know what the future holds?

Be strong!

take care
bubbles.
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

Posts: 914
Joined: Feb 2005

9/27/05 11:26 PM
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Pebbles-
Of course, I agree with others that a good therapist could be helpful for you. To get out of your situation, it requires an open mind, rather than the attitude that you have heard it all before, and that you won't change. Obviously, if you found this site, and decided to post something, then at least part of you believes you CAN change. You can!
A lynn
 
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pebbles
Junior Supporter

Posts: 10
Joined: Mar 2005

10/30/05 9:37 PM
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Hi everyone!
I feel that I should follow up now that almost 2 months have past since my first posting. I am doing great b'h both physically and mentally!! I did a lot of thinking in the past 2 months and I just prioritized my life and I have just been extremely happy these past couple of months. I have been spending the chagim with my family and I have been dedicating time to school and friends and I couldnt be happier! I am now great friends with my ex-boyfriend and I can honestly say that I dont even like him anymore as more than a friend. I didnt go to see a therapist or talk to anyone. I spoke to a few friends here and there and they have been some help and I am thank G-d doing great and I think it was due to the fact that i knew i could push all the strife and hardships aside and work on myself and everyday i daven to Hashem and he just keeps me happy day in and day out. I hope you are all doing well! Thanks for reading
 
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Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

Posts: 914
Joined: Feb 2005

11/19/05 11:49 PM
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Thank you for the update!
A Lynn
 
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