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TOPIC TITLE: Feeling so lonely
Created On 4/14/13 8:03 AM
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Lasthope
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4/14/13 8:03 AM
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Im hangin out with my baby still lots of depression rolling around in my head. Feeling very isolated. I feel like i lost the friends i had because i was just too much for them to handle or they just dont want a depressed friend or they dont realize how badly i need them. Husbands at work all day... The loneliness is very overpowering right now...
 
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MoMo
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4/14/13 8:45 AM
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I really feel for you!!
Loneliness is one of the worst feelings
 
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Lasthope
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Thanks... A post reply on a forum is better than nothing. All i cam think of is MBDs song "there will be no more lonely people..." Any idea what hes talking about?
 
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star
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4/14/13 1:21 PM
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Moshiach? also the song from hasc-"and loneliness is worst of all im sure you will agree"-i love that one.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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4/14/13 1:51 PM
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I feel for you too. We're here for you.
 
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star
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4/14/13 6:21 PM
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im feeling pretty lonely right now too. but i feel guilty because its self inflicted.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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MoMo
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4/14/13 6:39 PM
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Hey LastHope how was the rest of your day/night?
 
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Lasthope
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Well once the kids got home it was busier so less time to feel so alone. I also spoke to a friend on the phone for a few min and felt like maybe she did care so i guess u could say better
Im just looking at my recovery now in baby steps.. Thnx do much for ur support
 
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MoMo
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4/15/13 1:27 AM
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Real lasting progress happens in baby steps.
People that make fast money lose it fast.
People that Lose weight one baby step at a time are the ones who keep it off!!

Do you have relatives that you can open up to?
When I told my story to extended relatives they offered their support and it was/is very helpful.

I recently opened up to a cousin and now whenever I'm really down I give him a call/text.
It takes the edge off of things.
I'm not totally alone..
 
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Lasthope
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I have a few people ive opened up to in the past i just feel like im bothering them when i call them when im depressed. Noone wants to be bothered with depressing thoughts and feelings being expressed to them unless they are trained for it or theyve gone through it. Thats how i feel at least ..
 
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MoMo
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4/15/13 2:33 PM
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That's true to an extent.
I don't usually share the dark stuff but I will let relatives/friends/caring people know that I'm in a rough spot and need someone to just talk to for half an hour. And I would meet up for a coffee and not necessarily go into all the details but just let them know that I appreciate their support and just share something they can relate to.

While family and friends can't always hear everything, they can usually hear something!!
(and that something makes a difference)

You cont get 100% of your needs met but you can get 20% of it met and that makes all the difference!!!!
 
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star
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4/15/13 8:17 PM
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i feel so lonely right now.
I just spent an hour with a 'friend' who doesn't know my secrets. It was entertaining but its so hard to fake it.
So i remain alone. My moms not feeling well so shes not up to talking with me.
No one to call because the one sister i still talk to(yes i feel like an idiot that i only get along with one out of six sibs) is also not feeling well.

Alone.
It hurts.
A lot.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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MoMo
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From all the posts on this forum the 'faking' we all seem to face seems like one our biggest issues...
It's very painful not to be able to be yourself.
I was at the bank today and felt pressure to fake a smile to the tellers so that they shouldn't know I'm depressed/weird. It hurt!
 
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Lasthope
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Yes i think half our pain would go away if we were able to be depressed out in the open just like a person with diabetes or cancer is sick out in the open. The stigma attached to depression is so heavy and i wish i could change that. One day i wana write a book and not use a pen name and all will know cuz theres no reason to hide. I wanna stage a revolution..

Star- sorry ur so alone. Im with u in ur pain
 
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star
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4/16/13 8:18 AM
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I had the same idea, lasthope, maybe we can be coauthors . Thanks so much for your empathy, guys.


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star
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4/16/13 8:32 AM
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lasthope, I sent you a pm.


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there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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MoMo
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4/16/13 11:00 PM
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So how are doing lately Lasthope?
 
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emunahdoj
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4/17/13 1:53 AM
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I'm glad this subject of "fake" came up. I've been wanting to bring it up. It's so hard going through the day acting as if everything is normal....it's draining. And then I wonder..."if all of us are doing it, there must be others doing it too....they are just also putting on a show." I wonder how many people at shul are suffering...how many Rabbis or Rebbetzins are.

 
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MoMo
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4/17/13 12:35 PM
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Statistically 1 out of every 5 people struggle with some type of mental illness..
So there are a lot of Rabbis and Rebbetzins with depression. I happened to know one Rov who suffers from depression.
 
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star
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4/17/13 2:02 PM
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wow really? i wish i knew of a rav with depression, that would be so validating somehow.


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HopefulMommy
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4/17/13 2:11 PM
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Momo, do you think he'd be interested in contributing something to the book? He can remain anonymous if he'd like, but I think it would be validating for many people to know that there are rabbis out there with depression.
 
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keep climbing
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If it helps anybody, I teach high school. My depression hasn't stopped me from that, B"h.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Keep climbing, would you like to share your story in my book? It can be short, or long, if you'd like.
 
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MoMo
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I go to a support group of Frum people struggling with depression/anxiety.

Just to give you guys an idea of the type of people who struggle:

We had a woman who ownes a very successful business and popular woman's clothing brand.
We had a successful and well to do guy who ownes a wall street business.
We had another woman who ones a Frum local woman's beauty salon.
Then another guy who is the founder and director of a chinuch organization..
etc.

And they are all in therapy and on medication..

HopefulMom, It would be too awkward for me to ask that Rov about his depression...


Edited: 4/17/13 at 7:43 PM by MoMo
 
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emunahdoj
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Momo Thank you SOOO much for posting about the people who were at the frum support group. that is EXACTLY what I need to hear....gives me so much chizuk to know that there are so many "succesful on the outside" looking people who struggle with mental illness. I wish there was a frum support group where I lived.

So what gets me is...and this is something I struggle with daily- I say to myself "at least all those people at the group are somebodys....they are doing things out in the world." I am doing nothing.
 
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star
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4/17/13 9:18 PM
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i feel the same, emunah. i am a nothing. all those things terrify me, i can never be anything. i cant even hold a job.


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HopefulMommy
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Momo, I totally understand that you don't feel comfortable asking the Rav. But how do you know about his depression? Is that public knowledge? Is there anyone who could approach him? I just think it would be so amazingly helpful to people. Or am I just obsessed with my book?

What about the frum people in your support group? Do you feel comfortable asking them if they'd like to share their experiences?
 
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HopefulMommy
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Emunah, what do you do when you're not depressed?

Star, you're not a nothing. You're a pure holy neshama. Everything else is external to you. You're a valuable human being who at this particular moment doesn't have a job. That's all.
 
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MoMo
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4/18/13 12:49 AM
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I can't ask the Rov. For privacy reasons I can not elaborate on it. Sorry

I can definitely ask the people in my group!
What type of material are you looking for?
 
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MoMo
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4/18/13 12:50 AM
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emunah and Star, I hear you both!
 
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HopefulMommy
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I'm looking for people's experiences with depression and anxiety, and especially how it affected their relationship with Hashem. They can email me if they'd like to share. They can either write something, or do a phone interview, and I'll write it up.
 
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MoMo
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OK I'll work on it for you Iy"h.
If you have a list of specific questions you'll get better answers I think


Edited: 4/18/13 at 1:07 AM by MoMo
 
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HopefulMommy
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How about the three questions I posted here:

How did depression affect their relationship with Hashem?
How did they grow from their experience?
What is there message to the frum community?
 
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MoMo
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OK sure
 
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HopefulMommy
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Thanks!
 
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emunahdoj
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Wow, a Rav with depression? Very validating. Hopefulmommy-not sure what you meant by the question you asked me. I agree hopefulmommy, if your book had experiences of a Rabbi or Rebbetzin it would really help fight stigma
 
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HopefulMommy
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I'll see what I can do.

Emunah, I meant to ask if you work.
 
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emunahdoj
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Oh...I work 2 hours a week which is the biggest deal ever to me. Just that is draining and gets me anxious. Other than that...clean, go grocery shopping, make dinner, do laundry, spend time with my sisters and friends. To me just that stuff is a lot but I wish I had more to do because I notice that then I am out of the house and busy I do better. Also, once a week I have been going to my "therapist" but not doing that anymore.
 
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emunahdoj
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Hopeful- You are so lucky that you work from home. That is my dream.
 
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MoMo
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I asked one woman in my group and she said that she's not up to it.
Later next week I"ll ask some more people hopefully some will be able to submit something..
 
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HopefulMommy
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Thanks Momo!
 
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MoMo
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Absolutely!!
You are so kind to everyone here and such a source of support I am eager to be of any help I can...
 
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MoMo
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Sorry if that was too cheesy..
I can't help it sometimes
 
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Lasthope
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Hi everyone, once again im lying on the couch while baby sleeps. Trying not to feel anxious or worthless. I take an art class once a week and its made me feel worse about myself. Its a much more difficult course than i thought it would be. We are learning judaica art. So its really detailed stuff on klaf, cut outs and calligraphy. Ive made one piece so far but feel behind cuz i barely have the energy to practice and work. I cant seem to move forward on my second piece. I spent so much money on the course and materials that i feel like i cant just stop it plus its almost done. Im just so sick of feeling worthless because of my depression - because it stops me from accomplishing so many things i want to do. It almost paralyzes me and its just not fair!!!
 
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HopefulMommy
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The art class sounds amazing! Maybe if you push yourself just a little bit you'll be able to do the project, and enjoy it. It might actually help you to feel more like yourself.
 
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Lasthope
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I try to push myself but have zero motivation. Its sooo hard. I hate this depression. And when it lifts for a bit its like maybe a day and then im bk down again. I cant live like this
 
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keep climbing
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I feel for you. These ups and downs are sooo hard. I never know what mood the day will bring, especially when I'm stressed- which I am now. I had a hard few days. Went to my t. and feel better today B"H.
Hope the day gets better, Last Hope.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Yeah, ups and downs are very hard. I haven't figured out yet how to make long term plans.
 
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Lasthope
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Glad to hear your feeling better, keep climbing. Hope it continues.. Ive had a day from hell. Anxiety and depression mixed together making me feel like garbage. When my kids act up which is like 70% of the time i just cant handle it. I broke down crying before in front of them. I feel so bad for them they r just kids its not their fault. Hope tomorrow is better. I just need energy. Thats all i ask for. Energy and a regular mood. This sickness is so unfair
 
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HopefulMommy
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That's really hard! Have you talked to your children about how it's not their fault?
 
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