Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

 Tehilim List  < Refresh >
TOPIC TITLE: Kids and Depression
Created On 5/9/13 7:12 AM
Topic View:

View thread in raw text format


Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

5/9/13 7:12 AM
User is offline

Looking for advice/ ideas how to manage kids while being depressed. How do you keep control? How do you keep them happy while u feel unhappy inside? Or is it an oximoron? Is it even possible?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



mouse
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

5/9/13 9:08 AM
User is offline View users profile

I've been thinking about what you asked for several minutes. My children do not see me as depressed -- immature maybe, but not depressed. I generally look happy for everyone. I may be crumbling inside, but I keep a happy facade. My kids apparently do not see through it. They don't know about me being in the hospital for depression (they think it's for physical reasons) and they do not know I see a therapist. I do not believe it is healthy for them to know such things and I'm not sure I could trust enough with that kind of confidentiality. Sometimes I make my kids happy in spite of how I feel. In my worst moods, I can bring them to a movie or amusement park and at least attempt to shlep around for at least a good hour or two. I think it's possible. I'm not sure if it's healthy but I think I just separate from how I feel when I'm really doing badly if I need to do something for my kids.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

5/9/13 10:09 AM
User is offline

That's a tough one. I agree with munkster. I guess I also kind of separate the part of me that's depressed from the part of me that is interacting with the kids. Although honestly, I don't even remember what I did when I was very depressed. I think they spent a lot of time just playing with each other.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

5/9/13 1:35 PM
User is offline

Thanks... I just try to reach out for as much support as i can. Sometimes i just dont even have the strength to have a normal conversation with them. Many times i do seperate my depression frim my interactions with them but thats when i have the strength. I just hope to Gd they r extremely resilient. I pray they wont have to ever suffer because of me.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



star
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1982
Joined: Jan 2012

5/9/13 1:57 PM
User is offline

i cannot imagine taking care of anyone besides myself when im depressed or anxious. usually i wish my parents never had me, especially being my dad has bipolar. so maybe ill pass this gene along and who knows if i can provide a loving home to kids. but who wants to marry me if i dont want kids?


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

5/9/13 2:55 PM
User is offline

When i was pregnant with my first child i told my therapist i was terrified to pass on depression to my kid. Somehow he was able to alleviate my fears, most of which were coming from depression anyways. But basically a lot of what we suffer, along with it being physiological, comes from our childhood. He made me realize that my child will not have the childhood that I had. The fact that I was in therapy was a big step ahead for my unborn fetus. We were working on the refuah before the maka (dunno if that makes sense). I don't think I will have any more children, but I dont regret the ones I have.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



mouse
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

5/10/13 10:10 AM
User is offline View users profile

I feel the same exact way, LH.....I think your kids will be fine. They will have a much more stable home than perhaps you were afforded and things will be better for them.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

5/11/13 3:44 PM
User is offline

Thanks munkster amen!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

5/12/13 7:37 PM
User is offline

Can you guys please explain how you are able to separate the depression from your kids??? The past couple of days I have been in a BAD depression....and it takes over everything. Everything. How could I be there for a kid?? Right now it is so draining to put on a show to the outside world-to act like everything is ok. But then I get home and can be "myself." With a kid....it would be my job to be there for the kid...that would be way to draining to put on a show for so long.

One of my biggest fears is how to give my kids BE"H what I do not feel-a sense of happiness, and a sense that the world is a good place. If I don't have that, how do I instill that in a child?

Also, children are VERY intuitive. R' Kelemen says that when a parent learns a piece of Torah....in private...let's say something from Loshon Hara....it automatically goes to the child. For example, the next day the child might be more careful with lashon hara. He says that kids pick up on EVERYTHING.

My dad had depression when I was growing up but he kept it a secret. I knew something was up. It wasn't so bad at all and he hid it pretty well, but now it's like "oh, that makes sense." He finally told us,and my sisters and I are happy that he told us and wish we knew earlier.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



star
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1982
Joined: Jan 2012

5/12/13 10:50 PM
User is offline

i second that. how can you put up a show for so long? maybe once im in the nurturing role ill feel needed? but you guys are parents and its still so tough.


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

5/13/13 1:58 AM
User is offline

I think that once you see how dependant this child is on you, you try your hardest to be there with all the strength left in your body. Sometimes i think its like the miracle of chanuka. A fire going without oil... There is no question that you must try your hardest to be stable before having kids. But its not always possible, so you just try your bet or try to get help. You are right about kids picking up in things and they are very intuitive. I can see my anxiety portrayed in my children through their various reactions and its very painful. But at thr same time, they are kids. Kids have a natural joy and excitement for life which comes just from existing, so thats why i pray that it just won't ever get extinguished
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

View thread in raw text format
FORUMS > Depression < Refresh >

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.