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TOPIC TITLE: How do you make commitments?
Created On 5/19/13 11:34 PM
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HopefulMommy
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5/19/13 11:34 PM
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Does anyone else struggle with this? Recently, I did something that worked out well, because B"H I was feeling good and in the mood. Someone asked me to do something similar in three months. If I feel good I would enjoy it. But what if I don't? How can I commit? How can I commit to anything that requires some creativity and inspiration, or at least thinking straight?
 
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Lasthope
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5/20/13 1:58 AM
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I feel the same way. Its probably on a larger sale ny me right now because i think im a bit more unstable but its still hard. I had that problem when i used to work... Always afraid to commit to bigger projects.. Things that take energy and creativity. Someone asked me recently to start a camp with her and i told her i couldnt bcause im so unstable. But if you feel positive and have energy most o the time, why not commit? Also, you can pobably get a lot more done during the times of more creativity to make ip for the down times.
 
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star
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5/20/13 12:25 PM
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I struggle with small commitments, like when I told my mom to invite a guest for a meal and then regretted it because I ended up being depressed and it was embarresing to sit there looking that way. The biggest commitment I am scared of is to have a child- because thats for life and I have no way of ensuring I will be capable physically and emotionally of raising it.I think thats one of the hardest parts of this illness- not being able to trust that because I was able to do somthing once in the past, I will be able to do it again. I can't depend on past experience anymore. Fear of the unknown, because like you said, I have no idea how I will wake up tomorrow morning.


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
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HopefulMommy
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5/20/13 2:03 PM
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I feel the same way about trusting myself and relying on past experience.

This particular thing that someone asked me about requires speaking to a group of girls. In three months. Even if I feel up for it now, I don't know how I'll feel in three months.
 
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MoMo
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5/20/13 2:21 PM
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My gut feeling is that if it's something that you're excited about now and is a good deed then say yes.
If you are not up to later then you'll either cancel or take Xanax.

It would be a shame to let an unknown future depression stop you from living life...

Besides I wouldn't want those girls to miss out hearing from someone who has so much to offer...
 
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keep climbing
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5/20/13 5:01 PM
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Hopeful, how is your book coming along?
 
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HopefulMommy
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5/20/13 8:20 PM
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Thanks Momo! What if Xanax doesn't work? What if instead of saying something coherent and inspiring I'll just start shaking all over and make a fool out of myself?? Do I really want to risk that?
 
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HopefulMommy
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5/20/13 8:22 PM
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Keep climbing, it's coming along. Will keep you posted, IY"H.
 
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MoMo
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5/20/13 9:45 PM
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Is there any way to come up with a backup plan like if you're really not up to it then you'll say that you came down with something or that you have a migraine and have someone else fill in...

It sounds like something that would be good for you it would be such a shame to allow depression to his you back..

 
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emunahdoj
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5/20/13 10:51 PM
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It's really hard for me too. And it's hard to know when to push myself and when not to. I think the fact that you did it once and enjoyed it shows it's likely that will happen again. I agree with momo...if it's something you are excited about then go for it.
 
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MoMo
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5/20/13 11:20 PM
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HopefulMom, even if you are depressed in 3 months how likely is it that you'll be so incoherent and shaking?
My gut feeling is that it won't be as bad as you fear.

It may be more difficult and unpleasant but I suspect that even if you are depressed you'll pull through somehow.

Take the risk!! Just do it!!

I just started a new seder (learning session) with a friend.
If you commit to this I'll learn for your zechus that it should work out.


Edited: 5/20/13 at 11:28 PM by MoMo
 
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HopefulMommy
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5/21/13 1:42 AM
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Wow, thank you, Momo! I'm really moved. OK, give me a few more days to think about it.
 
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MoMo
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6/20/13 1:35 AM
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Did you end up making that commitment?
 
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wishtobehappy
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6/20/13 2:20 AM
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Hopeful, I also have an extremely hard time with commitment. I often feel like the most unpredictable creature on the face of earth. I've switched jobs in the past more times than I care to count, and have had hardships in this area for a long time.
 
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channafofanna
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6/20/13 8:41 PM
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HopefulMommy, this may not be the case with everyone but I find that comitment forces you to be good. Like if you have to do something you will more likely do it then if you can do it. The adrenline just kicks in.
I had a really good line in my head, but it just flew out, wow, scary! it was something along the line of "Commitment breeds responsibility"
Ok, my mind just got all fuzzy, and i ruined my train of thought..(wich is weird cuz im not depressed right now, B"H) ill IY"H come back to this later..... Sorry!
 
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channafofanna
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6/20/13 9:18 PM
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HopefulMommy- Ok, I dont know what I was saying before, it just isnt coming back to me, wich is really freaky, but we wont dwell on that.
Heres a different train of thought:
Have you ever not been able to follow through with a comitment ? If no, then you obviously CAN follow through. And if you havent followed through, then let this be the time to prove to yourself and the world around you that you CAN DO IT!!! You are stronger!!! Not that this helps, but is there any logical reason that you wouldnt be able to follow throuhg? and if yes, what is it and we can see if we can work around it.
It sounds to me like a lot of what ifs. the thing with what ifs is, that they feel so scary, becuase we are emotionaly involved, but from a total logical point of view it would look silly because its not probable any what if will happen. And truthfuly, most of the time things arent as bad as we think they will beIm not minimizing the fears, trust me, i have dealt with my own truckload of "what ifs", but i have found that sometimes the worse and most bothersome what if is "what if I did do it?" But really, its your choice no matter what any of us here or even "real people" say....
I hope i dont sound condesending, im talking to myself here to!!!
And thanks to Momo for inspiring this rant with his post!
LastHope- So do you have something to do for the summer if you arent doing the camp? Are you able to HELP with the camp whenever you can?

Star- I totaly share that fear!! Im so scared to get married and have kids. But someone once told me that the fact that you are scared means that you will most likely be a better parent then someone who thinks "this will be easy", cuz its not.

Wishtobehappy- and in your experience do you feel you lost out because of not comiting? wore things worse when you diddnt comit, or beter?
 
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wishtobehappy
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6/20/13 11:12 PM
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wow channa. you sound super wise for someone your age. to answer your question, I didn't lose out all that much when I couldn't commit and in the long run I think it worked out for the better, because it prevented me from being tied down to one thing and gave me more experiences. However, it def has its downsides and if I could have committed without going crazy I probably would.
 
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channafofanna
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6/21/13 2:46 PM
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Yeah welll depression, ed, ocd etc etc can do that to you..=) thanks for the complement though.
 
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wishtobehappy
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so being nutty has its perks
 
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Lasthope
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6/23/13 8:33 AM
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Channa,
thanks for asking. still not sure what I'm doing this summer. Since I told her no, she also decided not to go forward with it. I could probably help out in other camps that actually exist, but I need to first entertain four kids who will be home from school.
SO...I've decided to do mommy camp. For about two weeks I'm planning activities and trips for my kids. The other two weeks I still am not sure what's gonna be. We are doing rotation camp for my daughter (about five mothers rotate doing the camp once a week) and for my boys, still have to figure something out!! My inlaws will take them for a few days so my husband and I can go on a mini vacation (yay) and then we might go away with a family for another few days up north. Israel has so many beautiful places to go to...
B"H it all works out somehow. Im still paralyzed with fear when I think of the summer, but having a little more of a plan has helped a bit. Trying to have faith!!
HOpefulmommy, what did you decided with this commitment? are you gonna do it?
 
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channafofanna
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6/23/13 10:41 AM
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wow! That sounds like it should be great! your kids are so lucky to have you as a mother!!
 
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Lasthope
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well, sometimes im not sure about that, but thanx! We were all destined to have the parents we have for some reason, and the kids we have...wether we like it or not! B"H I think my kids are lucky because they have a mommy who wants to heal and is not in denial. I hope to Gd that will be a good booster for them in life, and cover up any negativity they had to experience due to my depression.
 
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channafofanna
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6/23/13 4:48 PM
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Im sure it will, thats something most people cant boast...
 
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HopefulMommy
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6/24/13 12:32 AM
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Last hope, you sound like a great mother!

I haven't actually made the commitment yet. It looks like I can decide a little closer to the date of the event. It's very confusing because I don't know what to expect of myself the next day. It's like I can turn into a different person overnight. Maybe one day I'll figure it out, but I haven't yet.
 
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channafofanna
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im sure youl make the right choice Hopeful Mommy!
 
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keep climbing
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I usually make these decisions thru gut feelingss. That if I decide one way, and it starts to bother me, and I'm obsessing about it, then I"ll change my mind. If something is really too hard, you'll know. Rather be brave (if you can) and go for it!
 
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HopefulMommy
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6/25/13 12:21 AM
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The thing is, the way I feel is so unpredictable. I might be inspired one day, and dragging myself through life the next day. So how am I supposed to inspire others if I happen to be in an uninspired mood that day?
 
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keep climbing
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We can do things even when feeling quite lousy. If we have to.
I teach. And I can't tell you how many times I have come into class feeling half dead.
It's o.k. I get thru it, B"H.
I took this job at a stage when I was feeling better. That's true.
I'm not sure if I could have undertaken itat a harder time.
But now it is my lifeline. Believe me.
My children are almost grown and my job saves me.
Hatzlacha in your decisions!
Don't be afraid!
 
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HopefulMommy
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6/25/13 2:31 PM
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Thanks for the encouragement. It's good to know that you can teach even when feeling lousy. I've always been afraid of teaching, for that reason. I don't mind one-on-one tutoring, though.
 
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keep climbing
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6/26/13 9:17 AM
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One on one is very hard for me.
So was staying at home with my little ones.
We're all different in our abilities.
 
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MoMo
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7/15/13 7:54 AM
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So hopefulmom, did you end up doing the commitment?
Last hope, did you end up going up north? How are you managing the summer?
 
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HopefulMommy
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Not yet. I guess the person who asked me has been too busy with other projects and hasn't followed up yet.
 
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