Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

 Tehilim List  < Refresh >
TOPIC TITLE: Crazy Shul
Created On 5/26/13 6:02 PM
Topic View:

View thread in raw text format


emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

5/26/13 6:02 PM
User is offline

I don't know how much longer I can take this. The shul my husband and I go to is crazy. It is the only Ashkenazi shul where we live so we have no choice. You have to see it to fully understand it but there is an awful vibe that you get when you walk in and no one talks to you. My family went once and said they will never go back. People have moved to the area and have said to me "why is the shul like this? why doesn't anyone talk to me or invite me over?" The Rabbi's in laws live in the area and they are the ones who pay for the shul and pay for their daughter and son in laws mansion...yes they live in a mansion... and they are crazy and the Rabbi and his wife are crazy. Seriously. They won't talk to me. My husband said that over Shabbos the rabbi said to the shul "a family came to this shul for shavous and after shavous they called my wife and said it was the most unwelcoming shul they had ever been to and that no one spoke to them. it's not the first time that complaint was made." Then the rabbi blamed everyone at the shul saying that they need to be nicer to new people. The rabbi does not talk to anyone. My husband does not like the shul either but he goes.

I am done. It is an unhealthy environment for anyone. So I know I will never go again (I went this past seudah shlishit cuz it was for someone leaving the community) and I got SO triggered. So I know I am done with the shul but that leaves me alone, staring at the wall all day on Shabbos, with no friends.

My husband and I are moving in the next year so at least I know we are moving but then I get worried. Is there a place for us???? What if there is no shul we like???? I can't stop thinking about this and I dread Shabbos and the holidays. It is so lonely.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



star
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1982
Joined: Jan 2012

5/26/13 6:36 PM
User is offline

i can relate. the shul in my community are mostly older women who talk about the latest gossip so i try not to go so as not to be the topic of their conversation. your shul does sound nuts, with the rabbi blaming the members. sounds like they need a new rabbi at least.
staying at home all shabbos is very lonely.


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

5/26/13 6:39 PM
User is offline

Thanks Star. Yeah and I didn't grow up frum. So it's like Torah and Hashem are true but a lot of these people are CRAZY!! What did I get myself into??????
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

5/26/13 6:50 PM
User is offline

Most baalei teshuvah ask themselves this question sooner or later, unfortunately. Because before mashiach comes the frum community will not be perfect.

You need to find a place where you feel comfortable. It doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be a good fit for you. Each shul will have its own strengths and weakness. You need to find one where the strengths speak to you and the weaknesses don't bother you that much. The specifics will be different for everyone. That's why there are so many different shuls.

It might help to make a list of what you're looking for in a shul, and see what you can compromise on. Maybe you'll find a shul with a different nusach, or much longer walk, but it might fit your other requirements.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



star
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1982
Joined: Jan 2012

5/26/13 7:25 PM
User is offline

this may be totally generalizing but chabad houses/shuls are usually pretty welcoming since they are geared to people looking for a positive jewish experience.i dont mean chabad shuls in chabad communties, but ones in not frum/chabad. lol that sounds bad.... theres none nearby?


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

5/26/13 11:13 PM
User is offline

Yeah, I see what you are saying Star. Chabad is amazing and welcoming but the crowd there is usually not frum/not so frum. We are looking for a shul with a strong hashkafa and with like minded couples.

Hopefulmommy...you are right. My husband just learned in gemara that one of the signs that says moshiach is almost here is when people become so corrupt that one can only turn to Hashem. That is how I feel right now.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

5/27/13 12:22 AM
User is offline

It's such a shame! I wish you knew my relatives. They are so warm and welcoming...
Not everyone is as cold as you're describing..
If you want to see a great example of a good frum jew read the book called: "Shlomie!" published by artscroll.
I know so many warm wonderful frum people that would take their shirt off their back to help another person..
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

5/27/13 1:30 AM
User is offline

I agree with Momo. There are so many wonderful amazing shuls, and people. Keep looking, and you'll find them!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

5/28/13 11:26 PM
User is offline

Yes I know that there are so many amazing frum people. Unfortunately, I have experienced not so great ones a lot....now that I am writing this I am actually getting triggered because I have had Rabbis do innapropriate things towards me (Rabbis that were making me frum) But that is besides the point. I know that there are a lot of amazing frum people but the shul I am at now does not contain those people.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

5/29/13 1:12 AM
User is offline

Don't give up! Keep looking, and you'll find them. Sometimes Hashem puts obstacles in your spiritual path in order to give you an opportunity to strengthen your commitment. This might be one of them.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



star
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1982
Joined: Jan 2012

5/29/13 11:40 AM
User is offline

yeah i hear you. its like me and shidduchim- i know theres sensitive guys out there but i just cant find one(who wants me too)!


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



star
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1982
Joined: Jan 2012

5/29/13 11:41 AM
User is offline

i guess thats not what youre saying though. youre saying the environment youre stuck with doesnt have those people you need.


-------------------------
there is light at the end of the tunnel
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

7/15/13 1:27 AM
User is offline

Emuna,
How is it going in your town?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



ShtarkeMentch
Junior Supporter

Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2013

7/20/13 11:31 PM
User is offline

I just saw this thread.
Why do you have to go to an ashkenaz shul?
Why dont you just go to one of the sefardi shuls?
In general I find them warmer (there I go generalizing again)
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

7/21/13 5:12 AM
User is offline

Momo- Thanks for asking how it's going So thoughtful of you. BH I have my family so I go there every Shabbos. I just stay at my parents house the whole Shabbos. Don't have any friends around but my sisters and parents are there and it is so nice to be with them so I try to be thankful that I have them. My sister is BE"H getting married in a week so I'm really worried about her not being at my parents house as often for Shabbat.

Shtarkementch- Hmmm....maybe you are right. I have been considering going to the sefardi shuls. Now that you mentioned it also I think I should. My mom is sefardi. I guess it's hard cuz I feel like Ashkenazi and sefardi are so separated. I cook sefardi food and speak farsi well but i'm not fluent. I feel like no one knows I am even sefardi even though my mom is and I connect more with sefardi. At least if I was fluent in the language it would help. I keep trying to push myself to listen to the rosetta stone I got. Cuz when sefardis around town see me they don't think I am "one of them" it's so annoying how separate it is.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/5/13 8:49 PM
User is offline

How are things going emunah?
How was your sister's wedding?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



mouse
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

8/6/13 5:36 AM
User is offline View users profile

emunah....i feel for you on the sister worries. I hope the wedding was wonderful and that your sister (and you) are happy.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

8/7/13 1:26 AM
User is offline

Momo and Munkster-thanks for asking...it means a lot. Sorry I am not responding to anyone or giving anyone advice. I am reading your posts just don't feel good.

Wedding was great but like I thought, now I feel all alone. No friends, my sister is busy with her husband now, so lonely.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

8/7/13 6:37 AM
User is offline

((((HUGS))))
I feel for you, Emunah. These changes are so hard.....
When my daughter got married, I was sooo miserable (instead of being happy..)
Would it help if you posted more often?
Just to share the feelings.....
We're all here for you....
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



mouse
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

8/7/13 4:00 PM
User is offline View users profile

I remember when my sister got married feeling the same way. I wanted to be happy for her but it was hard since her husband stole my "best friend." It's funny though because now looking back I realize those feelings were natural and that I was really hard on myself for missing her and being annoyed with my new brother in law. Davening for you that a. if you're of marriagable age, you get married soon b. your loneliness subsides sooner rather than later.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

8/7/13 7:10 PM
User is offline

Thanks for understanding Keepclimbing. It probably would be helpful if I post more I just feel like there's no point cuz i'm obsessed with one issue and there's no point to keep talking about it.

Munkster, thanks for understanding. I'm married BH but still feel alone. Thanks for davening for me that is so thoughtful.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



mouse
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1931
Joined: Oct 2007

8/8/13 3:39 AM
User is offline View users profile

ahhhhh you're married.....so you're lonely because she's you're best friend (hopefully besides your hsuband.) In wihch case I'll daven that you find comfort and loneliness subsides to more friendships.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

8/8/13 6:59 AM
User is offline

You can be married and still lonely....
I mean, it's great to be married. I love it.
Only , I think, the loneliness comes from lack of self and that's hard to correct.
Well, we try.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

8/11/13 7:01 PM
User is offline

How are you doing, Emunah?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

8/20/13 1:16 AM
User is offline

Munkster- Thank you so much.

Keepclimbing- Yes, exactly. Married and lonely. I have the best husband BH but still. " Only , I think, the loneliness comes from lack of self and that's hard to correct." Very true. How do you deal with that?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

8/20/13 6:35 AM
User is offline

I wish I knew how to correct it, Emunah. I don't.
But, I do notice that the loneliness fluctuates with the mood. When I feel better, I feel less lonely.
Also, reaching out and connecting to people helps.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

9/1/13 6:39 AM
User is offline

Hi, Emunah. We miss you. Are you o.k?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



emunahdoj
Senior Supporter

Posts: 247
Joined: Apr 2008

9/23/13 8:29 PM
User is offline

Thanks for thinking of me keepclimbing. I'm ok i guess just getting through the days
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



feelingawful
Supporter

Posts: 44
Joined: Oct 2013

10/4/13 1:18 AM
User is offline

Hey Emunah, I just joined the group, also were I live no one talks to me in shul.its mean!!!!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

10/4/13 9:02 AM
User is offline

Feeling awful, welcome!!!!
I hope you find the site helpful!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

View thread in raw text format
FORUMS > Depression < Refresh >

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.