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TOPIC TITLE: Finances
Created On 6/20/13 4:48 AM
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MoMo
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6/20/13 4:48 AM
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My financial situation just doesn't add up.
I am a few thousand dollars in debt and constantly adding more and more debt.
I simply don't have enough money to pay for my life.

I am scared -very scared!!!!!
 
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keep climbing
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6/20/13 9:38 AM
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I know it feels very scary ,having been thru such a stage, but I think most people have both harder times and easier times financially.
The main thing is not to panic. Things will straighten out, IY"H.It's o.k. to be in debt. You will pay back when you are able.
Just have faith that Hashem, who definitely has enough money ,will help you soon. Daven.
I'll be davening for you.
 
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MoMo
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6/20/13 4:17 PM
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Ok i will!!!
Thanks for understanding!!!
 
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channafofanna
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6/20/13 8:42 PM
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Oy, that must be so hard!!!
(((HUGS)))), (sorry, thats the only way I know how to say I wish I could make everything better)
 
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MoMo
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6/20/13 10:10 PM
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Thanks so so much Chana!!!!
Ultimately I need to strengthen my Bitochon and learn to live with uncertainty.

Uncertainty Is part of life... unavoidable...
 
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wishtobehappy
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6/20/13 11:08 PM
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I can really relate to that, MoMo. Financial struggles is one of the hardest stressors for me to deal with too. It's very anxiety-provoking. I hope things fall into place for you. Are you working these days?
 
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MoMo
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6/21/13 2:26 AM
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I'm working a little -it gets me some pocket change not real money...
 
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wishtobehappy
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6/21/13 5:24 PM
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are you up to working full time?
 
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Lasthope
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6/23/13 8:27 AM
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sounds like you need a budget! Once you create a budget you can follow (with all your income and expenses written down), you can take out a loan to pay back your debt and just include that as a line in your budget. It's an amazing thing that can release a lot of stress in life. My husband and I saw a financial advisor (subsidized by a local tzedakah org) for more than half a year, and helped us get things in order. B"H for the past year we haven't gone into debt and been able to get out finances in order. Today, with credit cards infiltrating everyones lives, we get sucked into debt so easily, even if we are careful about not spending too much. But there are ways to get ontop of it. I only use cash now for all my groceries and going back to cash makes a big difference. If you'd like any other advice, I'd be happy to give it. Good luck.
 
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MoMo
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6/24/13 7:32 AM
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Your post gave me the idea to track all my purchases by writing down all my purchases when i make them
Next month hopefully I'll be able to make a budget
 
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HopefulMommy
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6/24/13 9:19 AM
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Good luck with that, Momo! Wish I had some advice, but budgeting has never been a strength of mine.
 
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Lasthope
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6/25/13 1:08 AM
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Great! Yes, the first step is to know what ur spendiing! Try to keep ur receipts for a few weeks so u can get an average of what u buy and how much u put towards each category (for example, in one month: food $300, clothing $50, car $200, electric $100, gifts $20, cleaning help $75, property tax $180, medical insurance $200 etc etc etc) there are also categories: you have to average how much u spend on dental, eye care, all the things that only come up once or twice a year, but u have to put away for them each month so that when it comes you will have the money for it. If ur expenses are more than ur income then u have to make cuts in the places that u have control like clothing, food, gifts, etc. but u cant cut things like insurance and bills. U gotta work with them. Good luck!
 
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MoMo
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7/1/13 9:21 PM
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Who do I turn to for help with figuring out how to do a budget?
Lasthope, who did you meet with?
 
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Lasthope
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7/3/13 11:13 AM
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I went to someone here in israel. Im sure there are lots of ppl in the usa wherever u r but this guy had a really good system. Should i pm u his email address? Hes american
 
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mouse
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7/4/13 8:17 AM
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Folks, I didn't read this entire thread, but do remember that finances are finances and not a measure of your self-worth. I often confuse the two and that's not wise.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Lasthope
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7/4/13 8:35 AM
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You are right, but there is a certain measure of effort we can put into decreasing our stress with finances and thats why budgeting is so important. It can help alleviate the terrible heaviness of depression. This world is full of so many traps that can get us down, and these days people are becoming ruined financially by the greed of others (like credit card companies) and its impotant to learn how to be on the offense!!
 
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MoMo
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7/4/13 7:39 PM
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My problem is that my income is much less than my cost of living. I feel so so stuck.

I keep on telling myself that I should talk to my grandfather about this (he might help me out, our might not)
But I don't have the courage yet to approach him about this...
 
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MoMo
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7/4/13 7:41 PM
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I feel so unsettled.
I feel guilty every time I buy anything.
I am so afraid.
I just want to run away from life I can't hack it!!!
 
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keep climbing
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7/4/13 8:33 PM
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Talk to your grandfather. If he's able to help, I'm sure he will.

Don't let the financial trouble make you miserable.
It's a normal part of life--sometimes we are struggling financially.

Good Luck!
 
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mouse
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7/5/13 7:16 AM
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It is rough when expenses don't match income. I've been there and it was VERY stressful. I also though felt like I was less of a person because of it. I had a friend who helped me during that time....mostly emotionally, but once with some money. My own mother wasn't willing to give a dime even though she had a ton of money to help if she wanted to. It was distressing....and is driving me to tears now as I write. I'd go to your grandfather for advice, not money. I think he will probably LOVE to help you with it. Older people like to feel needed and trusted too you know. If he offers help financially take it, but if not perhaps he can help with making a budget. (I guess I should end this by saying that many of my financial issues have been solved but not the way I preferred -- both my parents died and I was left with an inheritance. DO NOT be jealous of me for I am without parents and that loss is worse that a financial problem since you can't get it back no matter how hard you try -- not until mashiach.)


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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7/5/13 1:12 PM
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I'm so sorry that your parents both passed away. I have no words.

The issue is that my grandfather is an extremely critical person.
I like the idea of asking for advice instead of money and then he can offer money if he wants to (or criticism)...

P.s. he is already giving me money every month. The problem is that because I struggle emotionally my budget is much larger than other people (therapy, group therapy, my own rent and food -since my parents are toxic..)

And I don't think my grandfather will be understanding.
So I'm terrified of bringing up the subject
 
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keep climbing
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7/5/13 1:52 PM
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He doesn't have to understand.
Other people will understand.
\But he is the most likely to give you money (it seems) so go for it without the understanding.
It doesn't have to be the same person who gives us both. I wish I had known that when I was younger--that s/times
parents or other relatives can give you money, but not empathy, and it's o.k. It was up to me to look for empathy elsewhere.
 
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channafofanna
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7/6/13 10:51 PM
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and did you find it, Keep Climbing?
 
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keep climbing
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7/7/13 6:21 AM
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Yes and no.
I have a great therapist who understands.
My husband also.
Other than that, no...
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/7/13 11:15 AM
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financial pressures can be really really really tough. For what it's worth, you're not alone. Unfortunately, the majority of people struggle in this area today.
 
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mouse
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7/8/13 2:50 AM
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Momo, if you contact a Rabbi and explain the situation, often they have accountants who offer their time to help create a budget. I know my Rabbi has a few people in town who will help with that for free. Perhaps time to speak to a Rabbi and find out if he has connections.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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7/12/13 3:56 AM
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Keep climbing, I was rereading this thread...

You wrote:
I have a great therapist who understands.
My husband also.
Other than that, no...

Why don't you try group therapy?
PM me if you want more details about the group I go to
 
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