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TOPIC TITLE: Fear of Being Seen
Created On 7/7/13 12:11 AM
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MoMo
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7/7/13 12:11 AM
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Am I the only one who is terrified of being seen as weird?
My social interactions are often dominated by this fear.

The irony is that I am more likely to act weird because I am so self conscious about not being weird.

I grew up believing that the most shameful thing you can be is weird. I am so terrified of being seen as not normal.

Any thoughts?
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/7/13 2:15 AM
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I can relate. I think I was seen as weird for much of my childhood, for various reasons. And when I feel anxious or depressed I definitely do not want to be seen by anyone "normal." But when I'm feeling OK I don't care so much.
 
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keep climbing
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7/7/13 6:17 AM
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Same story here unfortunately.
But I force myself not to "run away" from people.
whenI feel that way, I force myself to interact. And it is getting better, BH
It does get better!!!
 
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channafofanna
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7/7/13 11:56 AM
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I think because we are all "weird" (as in not normal, not as in weird) we all have a fear of being weird. Does that make any sense? And I agree with Keep Climbing, the more you push yourself out there, the better it gets.... But I also act weird cuz im scared of being weird. Very ironic, but thats life sometimes =(
IT gets better, but I dont think it can go away unless we actualy accept ourselves..... and GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!!!! lol!
 
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mouse
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7/7/13 6:07 PM
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I'm always afraid I'll be seen as a "freak" or something. I try not to get too close to people because of it. However, in the end, I know my friends all have their inner "freak" so I know I'm no better or worse than they are and at least I'm trying to change...something my friends or family choose not to do.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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channafofanna
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7/7/13 9:38 PM
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so u just admited ur less a freak then them!!! good for you!!!! =)
 
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MoMo
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7/8/13 2:07 AM
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I am going to try to accept that maybe it's ok to have some quirks...
I can't define my value based on how well I socialize.
 
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channafofanna
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7/8/13 1:33 PM
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YAY!!!!!!! Great job MoMo!!!!
were rooting for you!
 
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mouse
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7/8/13 5:45 PM
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If we didn't have quirks, we wouldn't be INDIVIDUALS...Embrace the quirks because it is what makes you, well, YOU. Special, unique, and lovable.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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7/9/13 2:29 AM
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Embrace my quirks. Hmmm the problem is that to me they are so shameful and embarrassing!!!

But I don't want to be stuck believing that it's so terrible to have my social shortcomings...

But Not sure how to break my belief that I am weird and defective because of my social awkwardness...
 
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Lasthope
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7/9/13 4:00 AM
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My 2 cents: anxiety, self consciousness, and social awkwardness, fears around ppl etc all come from negative childhood experiences. We were treated wrongly which triggered these kinds of reactions when dealing with people. The core issue is lack of self worth. You cant keep pushing yourself to just get over it. You have to face the emotions, hurt and anger. Find someone to help you release all the pain that stops you from enjoying life and appreciating yourself. Momo, you told me to see a grief counselor and i did it. Im facing the past and im facing all the pain i suffered from the way my family treated me after. Its not fun but it has to be done to get these negative emotions out of me. You seem like a great guy and you deserve to heal. You need to heal from your unfortunate upbringing. Are these helpful words at all? You helped me, i only want to help u. We deserve to triumph over those who tried to squelch us, wether intentionally or not. We deserve to have a life, to love ourselves, and enjoy our relationships with our fellow humans!!
 
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mouse
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7/9/13 4:01 AM
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Just give it some thought.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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7/9/13 8:48 PM
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I would love to overcome my past I just don't know how!

I feel too overwhelmed by life lately. I just can't go on any more!!!
I see only darkness.

I'm thinking of missing college tomorrow and just staying in bed!
It feels like there is no point in anything any more...

It feels like I'll never be happy. I have no more strength to fight and fight all alone...

I'm so sorry for being so negative. I am sorry.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/10/13 12:53 AM
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You don't need to be sorry. You need to accept yourself, fully, no matter how you feel. So you feel hopeless now. You might feel better tomorrow. Ride it out. And try to push yourself and go to college. You'll feel better afterwards. Good luck!
 
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MoMo
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7/10/13 1:20 AM
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Hopeful mom, I don't feel better after going to college. My problem lately is that I am extending myself a lot! But I just feel overwhelmed by it -I don't feel better because of it.

I probably need a good therapist to help me figure out what's going on...

There is a local frum clinic with some decent therapists. Would you go to a clinic where all the employees are frum community members?
(The billing dept and secretaries etc.)
 
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MoMo
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7/10/13 1:24 AM
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Right now I feel like going back to my old set up -being caved up in my parent's basement spending all my time online/watching movies.
My experiment to try to face the real world is not working lately.

I hate life. I want to die. I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/10/13 1:33 AM
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You're sabotaging yourself! That's your depression speaking! I've so been there. It's this inner voice that tells you that you're incapable and incompetent, and how could you even think that you could manage on your own. I've had the same voice, and I worked very hard on convincing myself that it just isn't true.
 
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MoMo
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7/10/13 1:33 AM
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I'm sick of being in debt.
I'm sick of being a weirdo.
In sick of having headaches.
I'm sick of being so alone.
I'm sick of fighting and fighting and fighting but not getting anywhere.
I'm sick of being single.
I'm sick of always falling short of my religious obligations.
I'm sick of being a nebach case.
I'm sick of having a crazy family.
I'm sick of being dysfunctional.
I'm sick of being sick.
And I'm sick of being sick of being sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But none of this will help me anyways.
Life just sucks.
I wish I could be dead

Grhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

HELP!!!!!!!!!
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/10/13 1:35 AM
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Oh, as far as the clinic, if it's a large enough community where I don't expect to know everybody then yes, I'd go.

I don't know about college then. I guess asking a therapist is a good idea.
 
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MoMo
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7/10/13 1:41 AM
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Hopeful mom, thanks so much for responding!
The truth is that I am so frustrated right now and nothing anyone tells me will help me at all. So I feel bad wasting your time...

at a future time I might B better able to listen
 
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MoMo
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7/10/13 1:42 AM
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I was just venting not looking for Solutions yet...
 
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mouse
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MoMo.....I just saw all your posts....part of moving on is doing daily activities outside the house...I hear you and feel for you. I just wish I could help you.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Lasthope
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7/10/13 6:21 AM
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i wish i could help you too... keep holding on....ill daven for you: MoMo Ben Frumsupport?
 
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keep climbing
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7/10/13 7:05 AM
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Momo, please don't give up.
We are Yidden and we don't give up.
I'll be davening for you!
 
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TBear
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7/10/13 8:12 AM
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Hi MoMo...

So Sorry you are feeling this way...

May sound crazy - what I was told to do, and it helped....

Embrace the sadness.... isolate if you need to - that is where healing sometimes happens - but do it as a conscious choice not as being helpless to your emotions.....

Take the things you don't like about yourself and your situation and realize why they exist, what need they fulfilled, what blessing exists in it - whatever it is....

for example - for me, rather than hating my anxiety and fear as something I was helpless to - I looked at it and said - I am glad I have fears - they help to protect me and it is entirely understandable to want to protect myself.... thank Hashem for fear, then look at it in a new light - do I need to be anxious in this particular situation - and take it one situation at a time... slowly

My being weird - different.... First of all - thank G-d for differences - the world would be so boring without them..... OK it is not fun to feel different and isolated, so as I tell my "out-of-the-box" kids find your strengths and use them - Hashem put each of us here with exactly what we need to accomplish the unique mission He has for us - it is up to us to find where to use the "weird" or unique qualities we have. (by the way - saying weird is a judgment call - saying beautiful unusual gifts will make you feel better and help you learn what it is you are to do with your "weirdness")

my crying within - sadness and depression - what good is it? the minute I hate myself for it, I do not learn anything from it..... so if I accept it - mourn the very real losses and realize sadness can serve many different purposes.... allows me to understand others pain and be compassionate to them - daven with real kavannah for them as others perhaps may not be able to, gives me a sensitivity and softness, allows me to connect to others - if I let them in to comfort...... the sadness can be helpful - so I look for opportunities to use it and then - baby steps - and don't lose myself in helping others


I read yesterday something that says follow the rule of little things - like a constant drip every little step adds up and when you look back you see progress....

The key I have been told - be kind to myself and then I can be better for everyone else and will be ready for deeper relationships....

Embrace the things you hate and see if there is anything to learn from it..... has helped me

Thinking about you - hang in there


Edited: 7/10/13 at 8:22 AM by TBear
 
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channafofanna
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7/10/13 12:25 PM
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((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))), hang in there MoMo, you can do it!!!youve done it before and you WILL do it again.. you WILL pull through. Just let us know if we should start worrying u hurt urself if you dont post for a minute, k? It sounds like things are really rough right now for you..... I wish there was somoe way I can take your pain for an hour or two so that you can be pain free for at least that long! (anyone who figures out how to do that, PM me, k? =) ) and let us know when you want us to bog you down with advice, ok? cuz weve got plenty to say (as usual =) )lol)

btw, does ur college have a school psychologist? cuz those are usualy free and no secritaries =) all u gotta do is sneek urself into the office!!
 
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MoMo
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7/12/13 4:17 AM
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P.s. I have an intake evaluation today at the local clinic. I'm excited. It keeps life interesting.
 
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channafofanna
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7/12/13 9:49 AM
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hatzlacha!!
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/12/13 4:42 PM
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May it start on the right foot, Momo!
 
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MoMo
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7/12/13 7:08 PM
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oops I missed it but I rescheduled for Monday. thanks y'all
 
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