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TOPIC TITLE: Victories
Created On 7/8/13 7:18 PM
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channafofanna
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I would call this thread "small victories" like Shtarkbuchur did, but after much thought (30 sec worth =) ) I decided to call it "Big Victories" because the small victories really are big. Then I thought it should be "(Not so) Small victories" because people might get turned off by the name and not post their victories that they think are small. THEN I decided to just call it "Victories" and let people think whatever they want. (and thanks to Momo, and Munkster for making this happen)

Sometimes depression (ok, always) makes us imoblized so much taht even the smallest action seems impossible. Then comes a choice. You can wollow in self pity and get depressed, just giving in to the monster inside you OR you can put up a fight and acomplish that "small" act. The thing is that so called small act is not small- you just won a war!!!!!
Once we start winning wars, we gain confidence in our fighting skills and try to take on the bigger enemies. We need to fight our depression by doing the small things (and big things too!) so that we can build up the confidence to make some "big victories" and realize that WE CAN DO IT!!!! Now the ideal way to do this would be via a notbook that you keep with you all the time, but since that probably wont happen (or at least with me) we are going to have a thread here to post our victories. ANY VICTORY!
And rememeber victories are different for everyone and we are here to suppport you no matter how (seemingly) small those victories are .
Post about your victories such as getting out of bed, going to sleep, eating, not eating, exercizing, not exercizing, socializing, doing mitzvos, not cutting, using a coping skill etc

Start fighting soilders!!!! (sorry, couldnt resist)

.
 
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MoMo
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7/8/13 8:58 PM
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1. Woke up on time
2. Made it to college on time.
3. Payed attention in class.
4. Pushed myself to keep going. Although I wanted to roll up in bed.
5. I donned Tefilin -a mitzva.
6. I fixed some thing in my apartment -didn't procrastinate.
7. Studied for school.
8. Called my grandmother -a mitzva.
9. Took care of 2 errands.

A part of me still feels that I did nothing today.
What a crazy mind I have. Nothing I do is ever good enough and nothing counts...

One things for sure I didn't do NOTHING today. That is a lie. It's a sick attitude I was taught growing up that I am worthless and nothing I do has any value. And that I am a bad person and nothing I do will ever make me worthy of anything.

Sick sick sick sick!!!!!
 
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Mimi1022
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7/8/13 9:16 PM
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A big accomishment is not to define yourself as a sick person. It can be hard, but it's sort of like not taking on the identity of being a patient. Try to think of yourself as a son, a friend, a student, a hard worker.
 
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channafofanna
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7/8/13 10:12 PM
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I agree Mimi!!!!
great job Momo!!!! accomplihmetn number ten is realizing that you didnt do nothing today. Maybe even the "biggest" victory on ur list so far....


Edited: 7/9/13 at 2:03 PM by channafofanna
 
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I'mTrying
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7/8/13 10:39 PM
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Hey, nice job MoMo!!!!
Sounds to me like a lot of accomplishments for one person..

My #1 victory today is that I managed to judge a friend favorably when he didn't respond to my text. Even though my reasoning was completely off and the real excuse was not as valid, BH I didn't go back into the black and white thinking track.

2. I managed not to hurt myself by pushing it off until I got home, at which point I didn't feel like it anymore.

3. I'm trying REALLY hard not to negate these victories. Momo- you inspired this one Thanks
 
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HopefulMommy
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Momo, that's amazing! I can relate to that inner voice telling us that nothing we do is good enough. For me, it helped to see where it was coming from (a critical parent), and then write notes to myself, which actually turned into a whole inner argument, convincing myself that that parent's point of view is not objective.

I did the dishes today, even though I wanted to spend time online.
 
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MoMo
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Hopeful mom, what arguments did you use to show yourself that it's not objective?
 
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MoMo
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WishIcouldbe, I want to commend you for judging friend favorably!!!!
And Hopefulmom kudos for doing the dishes (and for realizing that that counts)!!!
 
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channafofanna
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Wow! WishICanBeNormal, great job! I know how hard number 2 can be =) Great job!!!
HopefulMommy- it can be VERY tempting to waste time online, especialy when the alternitive is doing the dishes. Shkoyahch!
 
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HopefulMommy
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Thanks!

Momo, the arguments were basically that if I look at my critical parent now I see that their methods did not lead to success. They led to divorce and loneliness. Which leads me to believe that my methods are better.
 
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channafofanna
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My BIG victories of the past 24 hours
1. Someone told me im beautigul and I let myself feel pretty for the rest of the day (yesterday)
2. I made a HUGE stupid mistake and i am not letting myself be depressed about it until my parents come home and I have to tell them about it
3. I let myself accept theese victories as victories and see how big they are and how strong I can be
 
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HopefulMommy
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Wow, that's big, Channa!
 
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MoMo
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Victory:

I had an "awkwardness attack" -where I feel socially awkward in an interaction which induces some panic which causes me to act awkward-
But I didn't run away from the experience or try to cover it up.
 
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channafofanna
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YAY!!! that is a big and HARD victory!!!!
 
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MoMo
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7/15/13 1:11 AM
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I learned with Chavrusa.
I ate some fruits and vegetables. (Although I ate some unhealthy things as well.. nu.)
I did an act of kindness for my landlord.
I called a friend.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Sounds great!
 
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channafofanna
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great!!!!
 
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channafofanna
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I started to do a 12 step worksheet to help me stop my addiction to a certain self injurious behavior by accepting that things are not ok! I am not in control and things cant go on like this anymore! I acepted that only Hashem can help me stop, I cant do it on my own!!
 
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keep climbing
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Wow, Channa That's great!
 
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MoMo
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Chana, awesome!!!
Let's keep the fire going!
 
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mouse
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7/17/13 8:01 PM
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I brought my kids out today to the mall for more than 10 minutes and survived. Was so tired but persevered.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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HopefulMommy
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That's impressive, munkster! I don't handle malls very well. I did take one of my kids to Target, though. And I got new earrings for my girls as a surprise. They loved them.
 
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MoMo
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I also hate malls...
Munkster and Hopeful Mom: Awesome!!!
 
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mouse
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Awwww, HM, that's sweet. Target is a good store if you can't stand malls. A step down from the nuttiness of a mall. TY MoMo for the encouragement.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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channafofanna
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Target rox!!! But I also like malls so...... But good job to you both!!!

I baruch Hashem Bli Ayin hoara didnt pull any hairs out yet today ( im not going to think about the fact that I pretty pulled out everyrthing that there is to pull out last night..)
 
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HopefulMommy
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Thanks! I love Target.

That's great, Channa!

Speaking of. Any ideas on how to help my 10 year old daughter stop biting her nails? She's old enough that it bothers her that she's doing it, especially on Shabbos. She knows she shouldn't, but can't stop.
 
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channafofanna
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I used to do it all the time!!! One thing I can say is that having my parents tell me to stop DID NOT help, it actualy made things much worse. If she wants to talk about it let HER bring it up, because it is very anoying when parents try playing psychologist (but i dont know if this will bother her if shes not a teenager, your call i guess)
Heres my list of ideas:
Dont cut nails to short because that makes it VERY TEMPTING, but not to long either.
Keep them moisterizied (if she bites the skin too, becuase it makes it smoother)
Nail polish. Even if she has to redo it once a day it still realy helps
Acrylic nails- they really help but are expensive and dont last forever.... Maybe if you buy some cheap ones and glue them on?
Have her wear a mouth gaurd. (you can probably buy one at a drugstore)
Find a toy she likes to play wit hin her hands such as rubix cube, silly putty and have her bring it everywhere
Have her wear vaseline on her lips (a lot of it!!!)
Of course there is gloves, bandaids, the bad tasting stufff etc . In my opinion the best way to figure out a way to stop is to look at the situation/time when she bites the most and try to find a solution for that specific problem.
But she may just grow out of it on her own, just like boys grow out of picking their noses and stuff like that...
 
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MoMo
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Wow Channa did you ever think of going for a degree in social work?
 
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channafofanna
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whats the conection? I just told her all the things I have tried or observed (like last night I was wearing my mouth gaurd and i tried to break somehting with my teeth, diddnt work!!!) I dont really get what that has to do with social work? I have thought of it, but I think I want to be a psyhc nurse though....
 
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MoMo
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the connection is that you know so much about it. and you give such a solid detailed advice. its like you know everything there is to know about it what works and what doesn't work. that makes me think that you would be able to help people with this. besides for that you are a caring person..
 
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MoMo
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victory: I got to college on time despite sleeping very little. also I made it my business 2 engage with another student -my group therapy recommended I do this so I guess it's good that I did.
I had taken the test in college the previous day I thought I did terribly and I was down about it. it turns out that I got an A on that test the mural for me is that my negative self judgement are not always accurate.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Wow, Channa, thank you for all the advice! I don't even bring up the subject because I don't want to nag. But she's been mentioning to me that it bothers her but she doesn't know how to stop. I guess we'll work on that.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Momo, that's great! If you keep getting more As maybe you'll learn to believe in yourself .
 
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MoMo
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I have some residual perfectionist tendencies. I have to be careful not to aim for perfect grades...
does that make sense?
 
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keep climbing
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Momo,yes, yes, hundred times yes!
I can totally relate to these "perfectionist tendecies" as you call them.
 
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mouse
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Whoa guys...having a hard time keeping track of all the victories. way to go everybody .....GROUP HUG LOL. Anyhooooo, last night I was asked to do a mitzvah I find difficult and I did it. Also I went to lakewood to do some shopping....somehting I find hard since I don't quite fit the mold. Not only did I do it, but I met a friend who also doesn''t fit the mold there. ....or is it mould....whatever.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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wishtobehappy
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Keep going everyone! This is a really positive thread!

just curious, munkster, what's the Lakewood mold like?
 
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channafofanna
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I know everything there is to know liek what might works and what dosent work cuz i pretty much HAVE been there and done that =( My hair pullling issue only went from a "small issue" to a "big problem" becuse my mom naged me about it... So now im sutck drawing in my eyebrows and she wont let me get bangs. so what am i supposed to say? "you made me pull out all of my eyebrows, so you need to let me get bangs to hide it!!! and dont force me to go outside and see people when i look like im having chemo!!!! " But i huess i need to start working on blaming myself, not my mom. she didnt pull them out. I did! Uch!! sorry Im turning everything to be about me guys, just ignore this cuz its a positive thread. And HopefulMommy, I give you a bracha that your child should be sucsesful and not turn out even 1% as messed up and depressed as me. You are such a great mom!!!

great job everyone on all the victories!!!!!!
 
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MoMo
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Oy Channa
I hear you!!!
 
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MoMo
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I did my own laundry
I tried eating healthily somewhat
 
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HopefulMommy
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Thank you, Channa! My daughter actually caught herself biting her nails on Shabbos, and stopped. I think that counts as her victory!
 
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channafofanna
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I was assertive and MADE my mother let me get a haircut!!!
great for you MoMo and HopefulDaughter!!
 
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HopefulMommy
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I'mTrying
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I am still on the meds that I have been wanting so badly to stop... giving myself a chance to see how life can be off the rollercoaster.
that is a hard one for me. Hashem please give me the inner strength to keep trying to help myself.
 
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HopefulMommy
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Good luck! Hope the meds help!
 
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I'mTrying
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Thanks,HopefulMommy.
Problem is, I hope they don't help
I think I need to change my screen name. I don't want to get better right now. That's why taking meds is such a struggle...
 
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keep climbing
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((((HUGS))))
We're with you. You are not alone.
BTW, I don't wish to be normal anymore. I just want to be the best possible me. Not normal......
 
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HopefulMommy
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Good point, keep climbing!
 
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I'mTrying
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Me too I chose that screen name 5 years ago. A lot has changed in my mind since then...
 
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MoMo
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I'm not sure I get it
Why don't you want the meds to work?
 
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