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TOPIC TITLE: Nothing
Created On 7/10/13 1:48 PM
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MoMo
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7/10/13 1:48 PM
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I want to run far far away. But there is no escape for my pain. There is no solution. There is no hope.
A part of me feels I shouldn't even talk or type about my issues because It wont help and I"ll just be discouraging other people.

Life goes on. People move on but I am stuck with my issues.

Therapy only does so much. Medication doesn't work on me (So says my Psychiatrist).
I've tried every solution under the sun. Nothing works.

I am dead inside. I am dragging myself from one day to the next and then to the next. How long can I do that for?

How many different types of therapies and therapists can I try until I reach the conclusion that there is no hope?
How many times do I have to try different living environments and different set ups to reach the conclusion that none of it matters?
How long do I have to keep trying and trying and trying and trying before it becomes evident that trying accomplishes nothing?

If nothing I do helps then why do anything?
How long can I force myself through a lonely, dark, miserable life before I give up forever?

A relative knows that I'm down and he invited me to come over for lunch.
Why should I go? It wont change a thing. I'm sick of being a nebach case. I'm sick of the whole thing.

When does it all end?
Why do I have to face such misery?

I plan on taking some strong sedatives and just sleep and sleep and sleep. It's the only way to get rid of the pain for just a little.

I want to cry but tears wont come -dead people can't cry.
 
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keep climbing
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7/10/13 2:29 PM
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Momo,((((HUGS))))
I feel for you. It's horrible to feel so awful.
But please don't givei n to this monster.It only gets worse.
Get up and do something. Anything.
We're all here and rooting for you.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/10/13 2:44 PM
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I feel for you too! We're all here for you. It will get better, IY"H! Meanwhile, we're here to listen...
 
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channafofanna
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7/10/13 6:49 PM
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Oy, I wish I had words to comfort you, but Im having the same thoughts so I cant distance myself enough to say anything to make you feel better. Just that I know how hard it is and therefore I feel so bad for you and just want to do anything to help!!!
Hang in there, k? If not for yourself than for us.
 
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MoMo
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7/11/13 2:11 AM
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Update: I had a group therapy session tonight. It was helpful and the members had some good ideas.
I'm gonna have to keep myself going tomorrow with medication (Ritalin and Xanax) to function but it's better than staying in bed!

Channa, your post was comforting! You have such a kind heart! And such a spunky lovely personality!!

Hopefulmom, I respect your opinion so much. Thanks for trying to be helpful (sorry I couldn't internalize it at the time..)
In general I always eagerly await to hear what you have to say about things.. I really look up to you!

Keepclimbing, I took your advice and it helped!. Your experience is invaluable!!

last hope, I am so thankful that you take the time to read what I write and you offer such solid advice and experience. Thank you!

T-bear, your spirituality and lofty perspective is something I emulate! I wish you would be around more often (I usually read your posts over again to really internalize it)

Munkster, I love your humor and straight talk. You always put a smile on my face. You're so awesome!!

Wish, I was so touched that you already know my life story from my posts! Thank you! Let's do the meet up...

Toy, hearing from you meant the world to me!! You get it like no one else!

Thank you everyone! I am so thankful to have you in my virtual life!


Edited: 7/11/13 at 2:14 AM by MoMo
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/11/13 3:44 AM
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wow. you got me worried there for a minute, it almost sounds like you're putting your affairs in order or something...
or it must be something about this hour that puts people in a good mood, but whatever the case is, I'm really glad your mood took a turn for the better. May it last for a long time. You deserve it.
 
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MoMo
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7/11/13 6:09 AM
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Haha :-D:-D
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/11/13 1:18 PM
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How is today going so far?
 
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channafofanna
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7/11/13 1:43 PM
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yeah, I also got nervous. then i saw ur last line...
and if i may add that sleeping helps you get out of bed the next day. Why are you up so late?
But Im really glad to hear that, thanks for sharing!!!
 
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MoMo
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7/11/13 3:18 PM
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My group therapy last night went well and helped me feel a little more hopeful...
Let's see what happens...
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/11/13 3:50 PM
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Hope you just feel better and better!
 
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MoMo
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7/11/13 4:48 PM
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Does anyone have any suggestions/advice/feedback that might help me?
 
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keep climbing
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7/11/13 7:40 PM
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Momo, I find regular excercise to be very helpful.
I also use a light box every day.
Maybe it would help you.
Good Luck! Glad you're feeling better.
 
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channafofanna
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7/11/13 8:16 PM
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help you with what? depression in general? being alive inside? (once again, not that im so happy that i know how to cure depression, if i did i wouldnt be on FS, would I? =) )
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/12/13 1:56 AM
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I think what helps me is to know that the feelings will pass eventually. Somehow they always do. Until they come back again...
 
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keep climbing
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7/12/13 5:28 AM
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Channa, it's not all or nothing, I think. Every little bit of feeling better is something. And then it adds up.
And I can say, hey I had a pretty nice week, or month or year B"H.
 
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channafofanna
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7/12/13 9:47 AM
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ok, but not all of us are capeable of having pretty nice weeks months or years.... or experiencing that..... so i guess that keeps everything black, no white included!!
 
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Lasthope
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7/13/13 4:31 PM
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Momo, have you thought of trying alternative therapies like acupuncture or cranial sacral therapy..?
 
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MoMo
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7/14/13 2:29 AM
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If they really work why are they "alternative" and not the norm?
 
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Lasthope
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Because they are more gentle and take more time to work, but usually get to the core of the issue. Whereas, with pills, we are blinded by the quick fix approach and don't want to work through what's really going on inside. More drugs means more money for the people who sell them, and in our instant gratification culture, we are attracted to the belief that a pill can make us happy.
Honestly I'm not sure why the word alternative is used, but I do know that Chinese medicine actually comes from the Jews. The mistake people make is thinking it's all about avoda zara, but that is just what the Chinese put into it from their own world. When Avraham sent Hagar off to the east, he sent her with gifts and these gifts were the teaching of healing through the balance of energies and stuff like that in the body. It's all a matter of approach. The goal is the same.
 
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HopefulMommy
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7/14/13 10:31 AM
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Lasthope, that's so interesting, about Chinese medicine. Do you have a source for that?
 
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Lasthope
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7/14/13 10:37 AM
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yes! I think Rashi says it, but I will look into it...
 
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wishtobehappy
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7/14/13 11:58 AM
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lasthope, I fully agree with you. I was also fed up with conventional medicine and have always believed in the alternative, or "complementary" (in case this makes you less skeptical, momo...) approaches that target the root of the problem instead of just treating each symptom with another pill.

The way I see it is that conventional medicine is great for acute conditions or emergencies which require immediate medical intervention. With chronic or degenerative conditions the conventional approach is usually ineffective; or when it comes to promoting a sense of health and wellbeing doctors are in the dark ages.

Hopeful, I've also heard and read about Avraham giving that chochma to hagar as a gift when he exiled her. You do have to be careful, though, because some approaches may be connected to avoda zara, but in general, I found them to be really helpful.
 
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