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TOPIC TITLE: Prayer
Created On 8/1/13 12:03 AM
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HaTikvah
Junior Supporter

Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2013

8/1/13 12:03 AM
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I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry for being such a worthless daughter, sister, friend, person. I am sorry for letting you down every step of the way. I am sorry for not being able to achieve the idealized image of whoever it is that you want me to be. I am sorry that I burdened you with my feelings, my emotions, my issues. I am sorry to have wasted you precious time with my juvenile thoughts, ideas, dreams. I am worthless to you. To everyone. I don’t know what it is that I did in my past life but G-d knows I must have wreaked gehinnom.

Please G-d, help me get out of this bind. To give me the strength to stop feeling like this. To acknowledge the goodness bestowed upon me, instead of the 18-wheeler load engrained on my chest. I don’t know how to continue living with this burden, this unidentifiable burden. I don’t know when it happened, nor how it happened. Just a gradual shovel full by shovel full loading up on me. Please G-d, please help me to unload. To engage in positive, healthy familial and cordial relationships with friends. To have a positive outlook on the future ahead. To look forward to making plans with friends; to look forward to actually carrying them out. To get out of this morally vapid crux of sadness, fear, and pain. To reengage. To help others in need. To see the good in those I love. To compliment those I love. To learn, to grow, and to simply just be.

Please G-d, give me the strength to just open the eye of the needle on my journey. On my journey to rediscovery. I feel in love with this beautiful religion so many years ago, yet now when I seem to need it most, it seems so far away from my grasp, so unattainable. The words of the siddur seem near empty as they twirl off my tongue. Yet in the depths of my depression, they are the only words that feel wholesome and satisfying. They are the only words that give me hope.

“V’zakeini l’gadel banim uvnei banim…”

Please G-d watch over my children to not give them this horrid disease. Watch over my nieces, nephews, younger siblings. Please G-d, may my family never again know such tzar’ot. Never again. Never again. May no future generation ever know what it’s like to carry this burden. This burden, may it never be known.

A prayer to once again restore the shalom bayis that once rested hand-in-hand with the shechina in my home. To continue to give us the strength to keep fighting. To keep fighting on behalf of the one too sick to realize that which is amiss. To conquer this disease, before it conquers her.

Please G-d, a little chizzuk will go a long way right now.

Thank you.
 
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HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

8/1/13 1:29 AM
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Welcome to FrumSupport! This is beautiful! You're expressing yourself so well. Hope you get your prayers answered.
 
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MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/1/13 4:28 AM
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Welcome!

What a beautiful heartfelt prayer!!
Keep on posting!
 
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Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

8/3/13 3:26 PM
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Your tefila resonates within me and i can relate to a lot of it. I ask Gd those things many times also. My He answer all our prayers soon!
 
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