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TOPIC TITLE: Is this is normal
Created On 8/1/13 6:29 AM
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toy123
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8/1/13 6:29 AM
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I have an interesting question if anyone ever felt like this and is this normal? I'm on a long road to recovery. I've been struggling for the most part of my life with depression/borderline. As I'm working in therapy I'm getting better. Now this scares me because I don't know myself anymore. I don't know how to live life without being depressed. I sometimes as crazy as it sounds make myself feel depressed/down just for the familiarity. I'm scared of being better. Does this make sense? I'm scared people won't pay attention anymore to me and I'll be left ALL ALONE!!! Am I crazy?!?!?!


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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TBear
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8/1/13 1:33 PM
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It is SO NORMAL!! Any time the things in our lives fundamentally change from what we have always known - it produces anxiety, the unknown..... What we know feels safer, more familiar.

I try to keep my eye on the goal of being normal - having normal relationships and being more a part of the Klal. My healing then becomes a mitzvah of helping to unify Klal Yisroel!

It is disorienting, and scary - but change always is - and we hope and pray for change for the better!

My favorite joke is - I used to have superpowers - but my therapist is taking them away!

In other words - as I become more normal - there is less to separate and isolate me from others - so I will have the opportunity to be less alone, which requires that I take responsibility for me - but that is also scary. Isn't that what we said in the desert though - while we were wandering - everything was provided and we did not have the responsibility that comes with having our own land - entering Eretz Yisroel came with responsibilities and potential problems - but also potentially higher blessings. That is the way I look at healing - potential difficulties - and greater blessings -

Take care of yourself, keep up the good work - it helps to keep your eye on the blessings not on the fear. Hashem is there with you - It says in Tehillim 147:3 "...He Who is Healer to the broken-hearted will also bind up their wounds..." I say this to myself when I am having a hard time.

Hashem is your Healer - He will take care of you and this nervousness is really so normal - it would be odd not to feel this way.
 
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MoMo
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8/1/13 3:51 PM
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Toy,
I have had those same feelings!!


Edited: 8/1/13 at 3:52 PM by MoMo
 
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getMeOutOfHere
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8/1/13 6:26 PM
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I've heard that the biggest challenge for someone with BPD is "living a normal life." When your entrenched in borderline behaviors, you just want things to be normal, but because you're so used to the ups and downs and extreme emotions, living normally is hard to get used to.
 
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Lasthope
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8/3/13 3:30 PM
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Totally normal. When u are used to something, u r comfortable with it even pain and depression the worst illness. Give it space to leave slowly and allow the freedom of change to become a new part of you.
 
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MoMo
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8/5/13 8:47 PM
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How are you Toy?
 
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toy123
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8/5/13 11:45 PM
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Doing so so. Wish things were better....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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Quote
   
Top
   
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