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TOPIC TITLE: Self esteem
Created On 8/3/13 3:45 PM
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Lasthope
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8/3/13 3:45 PM
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So, ive been trying to work a lot on my self esteem lately. I look in the mirror each morning and tell myself that i am beautiful. This time i really mean it. Whenever i feel hurt, which is like constantly throughout the day, i remind myself that im a good person who deserves to feel good. When i feel rejection, which is also a lot of the time, i combat that feeling with words like "you are loveable. You are special. You are not being rejected. " i take every painful feeling that exists in the world and i magnify it by a million times. Ive been an emotional narcissist for most of my life. Its time to give it up. Its time to let go of all the pain in the world that ive been carrying on my shoulders.
I hope that i am building a new strong self. I dont feel it yet because i still feel very weak and fragile. I still dont really believe all those things i tell myself. But im hopin they will sink in to help me create a good foundation for self love. My father was taken away from me,my mother couldnt give me the love i needed. Everyone else just threw poison at me with their words. Only i can give myself what i needed. Unconditional love. I hope im doing the right thing here. I want to get better so badly.
 
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Mimi1022
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8/3/13 9:03 PM
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Glad to hear!
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/4/13 1:15 AM
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(((Hugs))) I don't know if it helps you, but we think you're amazing!
 
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Lasthope
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8/4/13 4:22 AM
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Thanx
 
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Lasthope
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8/5/13 12:27 PM
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Im having a setback again. Im torn between therapists and decided to cancel all. Im frustrated and confused. I actually woke up this morning with more positive energy than ive had in a while and then a situation that has to do with therapy that brought me down again. So frustrating. I try so hard, finally had some relief feom negative feelings and then boom my own therapists bring me back down. How ironic???!!!!!!
 
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MoMo
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8/5/13 1:17 PM
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(((((HUGS)))))
Two steps forward one step back...
What happened with the therapist?
 
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Lasthope
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8/6/13 5:08 PM
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Ive been seeing a specific therapist for over two years, talk therapy. Shes been great and supportive but apparently not enough. I started seeing a cranial sacral therapist around Pesach time whos also been good but apparently not enough. I started seeing this grief counselor around June and have only been to her three times. She told me i need to choose one person to be going to because otherwise it can be getting in the way of healing at the right pace. I cant cut off my first two therapists. I cant say goodbye its too difficult for a few reasons which i dont feel like explaining. So i cancellef all therapist appts right now. Just need some time to mysrlf to figure this out. Frustrated at the lack of clarity...
 
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MoMo
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8/6/13 11:57 PM
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I hear you last hope!!
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/7/13 1:43 AM
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(((Hugs))) Good luck figuring it out!
 
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Lasthope
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8/7/13 2:33 AM
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Thanx... Any advice?
 
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keep climbing
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8/7/13 6:28 AM
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Hi, Lasthope...
Just wondering. Can you ask your doctor about this?
Hatzlacha!
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/7/13 9:33 AM
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I don't feel that I know enough to give advice. Was your first therapist helpful? Can you take a break, as opposed to saying good bye?
 
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mouse
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8/7/13 4:04 PM
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I second what HM says....I think taking a break rather than saying goodbye may be a good option. Or lessen the appointments to every other week and see if there is a change in how you feel.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Lasthope
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8/8/13 1:26 AM
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I cant talk to my doc about it hes just not the right person to talk to. Im not on meds anymore so i feel weird discussing things with him right now. He doesnt know im off meds. Its all just so complicated. Im too afraid to talk to them about my decisions. I hv to learn how to stand up for myself. Im learning its just a really slow process and doesnt happen overnight.
I agree - taking a break makes sense and that is what i will tell my first therapist. Its too hard to do it with my cranial sacral therapist. Im too afraid to confront her. She thinks shes the one whos been my "savior" in this whole situation and bcause of her ive opened up to a new way of healing. I cant explain to her that i disagree. Ugh i cant explain this here its so frustrating.
 
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keep climbing
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8/8/13 6:49 AM
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I totally get what you're saying. This relationship stuff is sooo hard...
Good luck in sorting it out!
 
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TBear
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8/8/13 3:03 PM
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Hi Lasthope,

It is hard - even for the therapists....

Could you have the talk therapist coordinate your "team" and allow them to consult together in your healing? I don't mean make the appointments - you decide when you need to go to whom... but if you are seeing one regularly - make that the therapist team leader....

My main - talk therapist referred me to some somatic therapy - massage based, and he and she discuss concerns they have and then are better able to help me without duplicating efforts and causing conflicts. At this point he is also suggesting a group for me where he would also be in contact with the group therapist..... has helped. But there is no doubt that he is the main therapist I call when in crisis and that way there is no confusion. Just a thought....

Good luck - sometimes the therapists can set off the hardest feelings and internal "stuff"

Take care of yourself.
 
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Lasthope
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8/8/13 4:33 PM
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Thanks for the advice! Maybe i will do that... Will let u know how it goes
 
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