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TOPIC TITLE: Social Difficulties
Created On 8/7/13 10:45 PM
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MoMo
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8/7/13 10:45 PM
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I'm sitting in my car just finished a group therapy session.
I am hurting so so so so so badly over the loneliness in my life and over the fact that I lack the confidence to even carry a normal conversation!!!!

It hurts so so so so so so so much!!!!!!

I don't yet have the confidence to just converse normally with people!!!!

I am afraid off people seeing me -getting to know me.

I am feeling so much pain.

I am paralysed by it. I can't do anything now. I'm sitting in my car alone for a half hour now.

I am jealous of people that can form friendships easily
I wish I could just talk to people. I wish I was confident enough to make small talk. This problem is isolating me. I am totally alone. People around me are sick of hearing about this problem. I feel so alone.

This pain is too big for me. I can't anymore
 
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MoMo
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8/7/13 11:01 PM
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It feels like I'll never get better. I've had this since I was a kid. Nothing seems to help.
I don't want to live anymore.
 
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MoMo
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8/7/13 11:07 PM
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I feel worthless. I hate myself so so so so so much.
 
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MoMo
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8/7/13 11:08 PM
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Nothing helps. I've tried EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/7/13 11:21 PM
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I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Here's one thing you might have not tried yet. Can you accept yourself just the way you are? Believe me, many many frum men do not know how to socialize. I'm thinking of a local Rosh Yeshiva who really doesn't know how to make small talk. He's really brilliant, and gives amazing shiurim. But interpersonal stuff is not a strength of his. My point is that you can go very far in life without socializing. You might see it as such a big problem because your parents consider it a big problem. But in truth, it's not such a big problem. There is no mitzvah to have friends. It's OK to be an introvert. And IY"H once you meet your bashert you won't be lonely any more.
 
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Lasthope
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8/8/13 1:16 AM
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Once you accept yourself and love yourself, you wont have a hard time making friendships. Forget about socializing and small talk. That will also become easier but its not as important as friendship. Hopeful mommy, im sorry i have to disagree with you. I think we all need a good friend. Im not saying youre not a good person if u dont have one, but the torah says "kne lecha chaver", which is saying its so important that you need to even "buy" yourself that friend if need be which just means you may have to invest time, money and energy to make the person a friend. I think you will get there one day Momo but feeling worthless about yourself will not help. You have to like yourself. Hashem loves you and your job is to internalize that. Once you do, friends will come much easier. Im sorry if any of what i said sounds harsh, please forgive me.
 
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Lasthope
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8/8/13 2:16 AM
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I just wana say one more thing. Momo, It doesnt seem like you have the personality traits of an introvert. You seem to want to connect to people very much. Introverts are more comfortable being alone. It seems that you are not that way, and thats why i think u have it inside of you to develop more confidence by just accepting and loving yourself (sounds so simple, believe me i know what an avoda it is).
 
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emunahdoj
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8/8/13 2:44 AM
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It's really frustrating. I feel the same way you do Momo. I think we have to work on liking ourselves first and then friendships can form-accepting ourselves and being comfortable with ourselves. That is one of my goals to work on in therapy...maybe you can do the same?
 
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MoMo
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8/8/13 3:31 AM
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The short answer is: No. I do not know how to accept that I am socially deficient and that I lack the basic confidence to interact with people.
No. I do not know how to accept and love myself the way I am.

I wish this wasn't the case.
 
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keep climbing
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8/8/13 6:56 AM
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Momo, I am a grandmother,b"h, and am still working on this social stuff. It's not all or nothing. Like one day I'll turn into Miss Social Butterfly. It's not going to happen.
But I keep trying. There are better days and harder days.
And please remember that the social butterflies also have problems. It's not Gan Eden for them either....
You're doing great. You moved away from your toxic enviroment. You're going to school....Doing what you're supposed to.
Give yourself some credit for all that.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. It takes you straight into that black hole and we sure don't want to go there.....
 
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Mimi1022
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8/8/13 4:46 PM
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Hi Momo,

You write that you are socially awkward. Can I ask how you know that? Maybe if you are having doubts you can ask a very honest, good friend. I have a feeling you may not be as socially awkward as you think but I don't know this for a fact because I never met you.

Also you sound a bit harsh on yourself. I'm sorry to hear that since you sound very thoughtful and intelligent from your posts.
 
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