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TOPIC TITLE: Say Hi If You're Still Alive
Created On 8/12/13 10:02 PM
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MoMo
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8/12/13 10:02 PM
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So how are you guys doing?
 
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Lasthope
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8/13/13 4:38 AM
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Dunno who ur asking but ill respond...
In shabbos i felt great. Much more like myself and very little anxiety and depression. I had a long talk with my husban on fri night about everything im currenty going through with my feelings being released and all that. Its such a hard journey. Its hard for him too but hes so patient and understanding. Ive been tryin o actuallyfeel my neative feelings instead of swallowing them and pushing thrm down. When i feel them they are released from my body. Its very painful but it actually helps the numbing depression lift. I believe thats why i felt so much "lighter" over shabbos. Then on sunday i started having these triggers that just brought me way down. I had an allergic reaction which ive never had and was really uncomfortable. Then my kids were extra difficult and a crazy cat scared us in the park (long story) and i just coulnt keep it together. I crashed fifteen minutes before my husband came home from work- had to send my kids to the neighbor. Cried for like a half hour. Told Gd i hate him. But im still asking for help cuz He is all i have. So...im trying to get back up and keep doing this work. U asked...
And how are you?
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 4:54 AM
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Wow!!!!

"So...im trying to get back up and keep doing this work"
You're awesome!!!
 
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Lasthope
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Dunno who ur asking but ill respond...
On shabbos i felt great. Much more like myself and very little anxiety and depression. I had a long talk with my husban on fri night about everything im currenty going through with my feelings being released and all that. Its such a hard journey. Its hard for him too but hes so patient and understanding. Ive been tryin o actuallyfeel my negative feelings instead of swallowing them and pushing thrm down. When i feel them they are released from my body. Its very painful but it actually helps the numbing depression lift. I believe thats why i felt so much "lighter" over shabbos. Then on sunday i started having these triggers that just brought me way down. I had an allergic reaction which ive never had and was really uncomfortable. Then my kids were extra difficult and a crazy cat scared us in the park (long story) and i just coulnt keep it together. I crashed fifteen minutes before my husband came home from work- had to send my kids to the neighbor. Cried for like a half hour. Told Gd i hate him. But im still asking for help cuz He is all i have. So...im trying to get back up and keep doing this work. U asked...
And how are you?
 
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Lasthope
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8/13/13 4:57 AM
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Oops i thought it didnt post.
Thanx!!! So r u
 
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keep climbing
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8/13/13 5:35 AM
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La, la la, these lovely ups and downs.......
Ah. that elusive stability....where are you?
Still better than a long down, I know.
That's where I am.
 
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Lasthope
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Oh no. Im sorry to hear that keep climbing... Dont give up hope and we are here for you
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/13/13 10:24 AM
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You're doing great, Lasthope! Sounds like you're working hard.

Saying hi . Kids are all home now, so it's lively and busy. Everything else is on hold for now. One thing on my agenda is whether or not to have another baby. Not sure if I'll ever feel ready. But I'm not getting any younger. I have very conflicting feelings about that. I found myself crying yesterday thinking about my dreams of a large happy family when I first got married. It's just not going to happen.
 
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Lasthope
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8/13/13 11:00 AM
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I definately know what u mean. Its painful... How many do u have, just out of curiosity?
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/13/13 8:46 PM
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Hi I'm still alive, although not always sure on which planet. Stay strong everyone!

hopeful, I'm sorry about your shattered dreams. For me it's the other way around. I freak out when I think of having more kids, and I'm always afraid I shouldn't be pushed into it or base my decision on the wrong reasons such as family/social pressure.
 
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Mimi1022
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8/13/13 9:25 PM
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Hopeful Mommy- I found your comment interesting about kids.

I was on the bus home today and wondered how I could possibly manage my lifestyle while also being married? I'm up at 5:45, on the bus at 6:55, at work at 8, and come back home at 7 or 8pm. I am just wondering how you juggle kids, work, life...

Thanks!


Edited: 8/13/13 at 9:26 PM by Mimi1022
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 9:43 PM
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Lasthope,

It's great that your husband is understanding!!
I know that you're on a very very painful journey but I have a very strong hunch that you're really hitting the right spots with the work you're doing..
Feeling the pain etc..

It's tough as nails but please please stick with it..
It makes sense that at first you'll only feel lighter for a short time and then fall back down...
It takes time to build a solid foundation
Keep at it!!!
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 9:50 PM
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Hopefulmom, I hear your pain!
I don't know what to say to console you!!
But I hear you!!!!

And wish, I hear what you're saying too!!
Even though I would only be the father I don't think I could handle more than 2-3 kids...
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 9:54 PM
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And Mimi,
You said some offensive things on another thread to Toy123 I think you owe her an apology.

You owe us all an apology for calling our community a "crazy person's website"

Until you make sincere amends I am personally uncomfortable with you being part of our discussions.
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 9:56 PM
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Keep climbing,

I hear you about the ups and downs!!!
Are you doing any better?
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/13/13 10:04 PM
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Thanks everyone for your support! I really appreciate it. I have 4, KA"H. Which is a far cry from what I imagined as a newlywed. But it is a nice number.
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 10:10 PM
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Hopeful mom,
May your kids bring you until Nachas!!
I wish I had a mom like you!!
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/13/13 10:12 PM
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hopeful, 4 sounds HUGE to me right now...

For what it's worth, I've heard that it's not the quantity that matters as much as the quality. I, personally, come from a very large family, but me and some of my other siblings are barely on speaking terms with my parents. On the other hand, I know smaller families who are happy, lively, and a super-close bunch.

Also, you never know, maybe you'll have a TON of grandkids to make up for all those kids you never had
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/13/13 10:13 PM
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Momo, it's nice to see you being assertive
 
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MoMo
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Yeah sometimes you just gotta assert yourself!!
 
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toy123
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8/13/13 11:13 PM
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MoMo I really want to tell you how much you're sticking up for me means. I don't have anyone sticking up for me in the real world... Thank You!!!!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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MoMo
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8/13/13 11:15 PM
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You are welcome!!!!
 
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keep climbing
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8/15/13 9:11 AM
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Feeling so horrible. Just barely functioning today.
 
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HopefulMommy
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(((Hugs))) Feel better!
 
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mouse
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8/15/13 11:17 AM
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A bit late, but HI...I'm alive.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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8/18/13 11:58 AM
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Am still feeling so out of control. My moods are swinging up and down all day and sometimes even ready to end it all. I called my doctor, but she didn't answer me yet.
 
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mouse
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8/18/13 1:54 PM
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THat stinks. I hope you feel better K.C. Try to remember you'll feel better soon. Try really, really hard, since it is hard to imagine in the middle of it. Can you get out of the house and do something???


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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8/18/13 4:08 PM
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Did she get back to you yet?
How are you feeling now?

What caused you to take a turn for the worse?
What are you thinking and feeling?
 
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keep climbing
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8/18/13 8:42 PM
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Thanx for caring. I feel a bit better now. Hope it lasts.
 
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keep climbing
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8/19/13 9:02 AM
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Tbear, how was your vacation? I missed you here.
 
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mouse
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8/19/13 2:48 PM
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Glad u feeling better... Was worried about you. You're such an asset to this "community" it would be a shame if you went AWOL.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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8/19/13 4:16 PM
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Borruch Hashem, doing o.k. today.
Today is my birthday and in Chabad they say that on a birthday a person has the power to bentch people. So I want to bentch you all with a refuah shelaima, gezunt, parnossa, hatzlacha, shidduchim.......and most of all peace of mind!!!

By the way, I'm not really Chabad, but I do find their teachings extremely helpful.....

Thanx, munkster, for your comments. I need them, believe me.
 
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toy123
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8/19/13 6:02 PM
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Amen


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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MoMo
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8/19/13 6:58 PM
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Amen!!!!
 
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TBear
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8/19/13 10:27 PM
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Amen keepclimbing!

Thank you for the brocha keepclimbing - and for asking about the vacation! You are so thoughtful.... really am sorry you are dealing with so many ups and downs - hate the downward spiral when I am in it - feels a bit like a roller coaster ride sometimes...

Great idea MoMo - this is such a nice thread - I missed posting while on vacation - long story how it went..... both peaceful and also some stuff got stirred up and I had to "hit the ground running" when I got back. But my therapist has set up an extended session (2 hours) tomorrow to help process some of it - so I can try to shelve it for the present and get my kids ready for school.

Have to say I appreciate the interactions and precious individuals who make up this forum, Thought about you and davened while walking on the beach for you guys..... It was uplifting to be able to do - so helpful to be able to just take the time to talk to Ha Kodesh Baruch Hu, in my words (I still do some of the stuff in the Siddur)..... for a couple hours every morning...

As for kids....It is an immense responsibility to have children - yet also a tremendous blessing and joy - they go hand in hand - so I appreciate both points of view on this one HopefulMommy and Wish - I have B"H, 7 children, but was told at one point in my life I would never be able to have one.... then I was left with the full responsibility - alone, but not - Hashem is there for us - each is a world of wonder, challenge, talent.... beyond words - my greatest joys and my biggest heartaches..... and all from G-d..... it really isn't fully up to us, Hashem is in charge of this one, and gives the strength to handle it and help to do the juggling - everyone juggles something - each of us is given what we need in this life (not always an easy truth to accept)

Last hope - I am so glad you have the gift of having a wonderfully patient and understanding husband - I hear that you know that ..... so sorry you are having to deal with so much.

I am feeling OK - but fighting the dissociation and being pulled into some stuff that will be really hard to deal with.... had me spiraling down in mood -

So I guess that means I am alive - "Hi Everyone" :-)

 
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wishtobehappy
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Amen, keepclimbing. Happy birthday!

Welcome back Tbear!

Thanks for having us in mind. I appreciate that.

I can't fathom how you deal with 7 kids in addition to having to deal with your own struggles. Beats me. It's amazing that amidst all the pain you go through, you are still able to view them as a blessing and joy. You sound like superhuman. I just have 2, and the effort it takes to raise them in addition to dealing with myself, literally makes me cry on almost a nightly basis these days.
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/20/13 1:03 AM
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Amein and thank you, Keep Climbing! Happy birthday, and may you have many more, with peace of mind and much joy!
 
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MoMo
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I'm in the mood of birthday cake!!!
 
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Lasthope
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amen keep climbing! happy birthday!
Tbear - thanx, yes I do realize that I have a gift of a supportive husband, B"H. its not always so easy though, with my issues and all ,our communication can get a bit fuzzy sometimes (thats the only word I can think of to describe it). Many times I distance myself from him because of my pain and its just so hard to communicate properly.
7 kids sounds impossible to me. you do sound superhuman!
wishtobehappy - i know what you mean, i feel the same way with my kids right now. every night i go to sleep and say, how the heck am i gona take care of them tomorrow. but Gd helps and someone we get through...
 
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mouse
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amen, keep climbing....happy belated birthday.

Last hope....i agree....7 kids sounds seriously impossible. I can barely handle the few I have. And to think 7 pregnancies....YIKES....that's mind-boggling to get through. I must say though the best thing that ever happened to me was my kids. As much as I too wonder sometimes how I'll get through the next day with them, I realize without them I'd be lost. They give me a reason to live and a purpose on this earth.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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8/21/13 10:16 AM
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Keep climbing,
I am sad that were down lately. How are you doing today?
We are here for you!!!!
 
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keep climbing
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8/21/13 11:22 AM
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Thanx, Momo for asking. I feel a little better, but still very up and down and unstable.
Maybe it will be better when I go back to work. (school starting soon.)
But there are hardly any school days in September....
I don't do well with all that unstructured time of summer.
I don't do wel l wlith stress either.

Wish me health......
 
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Mimi1022
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8/21/13 1:02 PM
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Keep climbing I can definitely relate! I went from working 60 hours a week at my job and now I am on vacation. Who thought vacations could be stressful?!
 
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MoMo
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Mimi, until you make sincere amends for the hurtful things you said to Toy123 on another thread and until you apologize for calling our community a crazy person's website I am uncomfortable with you bring part of this conversation.
 
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MoMo
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Keep climbing, I'm in a similar situation in the sense that I have a break from college and I'm doing worse. The lack of structure is bad for me...
 
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mouse
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8/23/13 8:34 AM
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Getting nervous about the schoool year starting. If my daughter fails this year she will have to find another school. The pressure isn't helping either of us. .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Mimi1022
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8/23/13 10:36 AM
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Yea that can be worrisome. Did she almost fail in the past?
 
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keep climbing
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8/23/13 11:53 AM
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Munkster, how old is your daughter?
 
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mouse
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My daughter is now 11 and constantly at risk for failing the school year. Last year we started a new school and it's dicier now even. . It isn't for lack of trying either. Just emotional probs that get in the way. She doesn't even have a definitive diagnosis, though currently we suspect manic-depression due to her quick and extreme mood swings. I feel for the kid....I was a similar kind of student but didn't act up in class -- she does. She's not bad, just crazy . She's been in and out of therapy for years and tutoring helps some but not enough hours in the day to suffieciently tutor her. I'm considering home schooling if this doesn't work out as my options are limited .


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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TBear
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Munkster - I do know what you mean it is hard with lots of children - but I am through the young ages at this point - so the emotional stress has increased (shidduchim, etc...) but my youngest is 9 so the physical work has gotten better....they do more for themselves.

Take care of yourself with the stress over school - truth is, when I get more stressed, my daughter or son does as well - I had one flunk a course last year - and may not be able to make it up and one not graduate high school due to some oppositional behavior last year..... took me a long time to be able to step back and realize that I can only do so much - give them the structure, the encouragement, then they either excel or not on their own. Their successes aren't mine - they do it, so neither are their failures no matter how much they hurt. I try to teach to do the best they can then what ever happens they know that Hashem is in charge - but if they aren't doing all they can then they have to take the responsibility and the consequence. Then the stress on me is much less, and I can step bac and brainstorm out-of-the-box soluytions to present to the school , like an online course or tutoring schedules. They feel that I love them whether or not they are honor roll or flunk. My kids have done both- each is different and has different gifts.

Guess I feel that I need to give them the tools to find their gifts and make the most of them - give unconditional acceptance and help them become independent, loving, contributing individuals for Klal Yisroel. Helps to see that I have one married and can now see the results of years of struggle, love, and prayer..... it does sink in!

The grades she made in the lower level schools - even in high school makes no difference to her success as a wife and mother, or even in college to some degree. The love and support, teaching good values, hard work and giving self acceptance makes a huge difference in her ability to handle life.

Bottom line thought from a "been there, done that" place, model for her being kind to yourself and relaxing / looking for solutions and it will make whatever happens easier to deal with - whether there are learning issues, friends issues or any other mix. Really hard to do though - I tend to be critical of how bad a mother I am or worse have to remind myself that I do not want my children to remember nothing but criticism from me - accept this child as who they are strengths, weaknesses and all - goes a long way.
 
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