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TOPIC TITLE: What Would You Say?
Created On 8/20/13 5:43 PM
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MoMo
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8/20/13 5:43 PM
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What would you tell someone if he told you that he's in a depression and spends most of his time alone in bed?

I'm already in therapy. My psychiatrist tired various medications with no success.

I did well when I had college but now I'm off for another week and a half.

What would tell him?
 
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mouse
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8/20/13 6:20 PM
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I'm not sure whom you are referring....what tell psychiatrist? If so, tell him just that. He needs to hear how it is. If it is just another person, think about whether it is necessary to tell them. If you are saying it because you want help with finding stuff to do or soomething, then I would be vague but not too vague. Maybe say, yeah lately I've been down in the dumps and hibernating like a bear. Hopefully you can get me out of my den . It just depends who the someone is. If it's a date, ask a rav what has to be revealed if anything.

On another note -- my sympathies with no college. It is hard to structure downtime when depressed. I'm not sure if you want input but I find structuring my downtime with daily activities helps. First find the routine things like minyan or learning in shul (rather than at home near a bed.) Then schedule in things you used to enjoy (becuae likely deep down inside you still enjoy them.) Then add a daily dose of a few things like that and grocery shopping (if necessary) and stuff like that. I'm not sure if that helps but I hope it does.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/20/13 10:05 PM
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I'd say, try not to be too hard on yourself, it'll pass.
 
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MoMo
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8/20/13 10:13 PM
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That is exactly what I needed to hear!!!!!!!
I love you guys!!!!
 
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wishtobehappy
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8/20/13 10:28 PM
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Thanks for the love. Try to save some of it for yourself

 
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MoMo
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8/20/13 10:42 PM
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For some reason it is soooo much easier to love other people
:-)
 
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mouse
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8/21/13 3:54 AM
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Sorry MoMo....read the question wrong.....I'd say don't be so hard on yourself....you're doign the best YOU can. If laying in bed is what does it, well it's better than suicide. Ya know what I mean. Have some empathy for yourself (not sympathy).....What would you tell ME if I said that??? You surely wouldn't say anything mean.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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8/21/13 9:31 AM
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Munkster,
Thank you very much!

P.s. what's the lesson from the metaphor from humpty dumpty and the kings horses?


Edited: 8/21/13 at 9:34 AM by MoMo
 
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MoMo
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8/21/13 10:01 AM
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I have a therapy appointment today maybe that will give me some clarity about my current depressive state.

I'm also going to make an appointment with my psychiatrist to see if he will be willing to give medication another try (I have not been responsive to medication in the past).
 
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keep climbing
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8/21/13 11:17 AM
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Momo, what about excercise?
It helps.
Feel better....
 
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mouse
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8/21/13 1:37 PM
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MoMo...the metaphor thing with the king's horses is that once damage is done to someone through lashon hara, abuse or whatever, you can try to put things back in order but it won't work because once something like someone's personality is hurt badly enough, as in my situation, it will never be the same again. I guess it's kinda negative and sad but it is.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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8/21/13 1:58 PM
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I hear you.
It is very sad indeed
:'(
:'(
:'(
 
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Lasthope
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8/21/13 2:56 PM
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I would tell him I am sorry he is in so much pain. But it will get better.
 
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MoMo
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8/21/13 4:45 PM
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I guess We need faith to believe that it can get better...
Sometimes I just don't see how...
But they say that that's where faith comes in
 
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I'mTrying
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8/21/13 10:54 PM
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Problem is, it's even harder to pull out the faith when depressed...
I would say that the fact that you're trying to fight it means that you ARE being successful (although it still doesn't feel good)
You don't sound like you are ready to give in. I say kudos to you- That is huge! Please allow yourself to see that!
 
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MoMo
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8/22/13 1:03 AM
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Yes that is true -I am trying.
I have not been showing up to learn with my Chavrusa but I'm not giving up iy"h I'll make it tomorrow!!

There is nothing holier than someone getting up after repeated failures!
I honestly see no future for myself I am operating on faith in a future for myself that I cannot envision...

I've been beaten badly and I'm bleeding pain...
But I'm a Jew and Jews get get beaten but we dust off and keep at it....

I think I/we need to realize just how special our efforts are.
I am proud that I keep trying again and again and again and again...

And if I were to be fully honest I would admit that before my current down streak I had an unusually productive 2 months...

So I'm down now. Anyone that went through the type of dysfunctional childhood that I went through would be at risk for this type of depression...
 
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HopefulMommy
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8/22/13 10:23 AM
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I like your optimistic outlook. Good luck today!
 
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keep climbing
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8/22/13 10:37 AM
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How's the day going, Momo?
 
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MoMo
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8/22/13 3:07 PM
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Hey thanks guys!

So basically I was up all night on my computer and couldn't get up on time for my Chavrusa..

Nu.
 
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MoMo
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8/22/13 8:02 PM
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I spent another full day in bed. There is nothing more sad
:'(
:'(
:'(
:'(
:'(
 
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I'mTrying
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8/22/13 8:28 PM
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MoMo, it is very difficult to be motivated when one has no set schedule.
I'm sure once the school semester begins again, it will alleviate some of the lack of motivation.
Hang in there- and please don't judge yourself.
 
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MoMo
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8/22/13 8:35 PM
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What I am told is that based on the amount of neglect and hurt I was put through as a child -I was simply not given the basic tools to succeed In life.

I was taught that people will find reasons to disapprove and despise me. I was taught to fear people. I was taught to feel guilt. I was taught that I am not worth much and that what I say is weird and doesn't matter. I was taught that I don't know what I'm talking about. I was beaten physically and tormented emotionally.

I was not loved and nurtured.

So I am still trying to learn how to make friends and form relationships.

But without the basic tools to navigate life is it any wonder that I would fall into a deep depression every so often?
Is it any wonder that I get despondent and find no joy in life?

Do I deserve to get beaten up on for getting depressed?
Did I ask for this?

I don't want any of this!!!
How can I be blamed like that?!

I want this to end more badly than anyone!!!!
I am dying to be healthy and functional.

It so unfair to put this all on me -as if I chose this or want this.
I not perfect but I definitely don't want this and desperately wish I was more functional.

I was not given the tools. I was abused and neglected. I was not shown any compassion or empathy growing up.

It is not my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!


Edited: 8/22/13 at 8:38 PM by MoMo
 
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I'mTrying
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Quote

Originally posted by: MoMo


Do I deserve to get beaten up on for getting depressed?
Did I ask for this?
I don't want any of this!!!
How can I be blamed like that?!

I want this to end more badly than anyone!!!!
I am dying to be healthy and functional.
It so unfair to put this all on me -as if I chose this or want this.
It is not my fault!!!!!!!!!!!!


100% spot on.
And the one human being who really knows the deep-down heartwrenching pain that you feel- is YOU.
That's why seeing you validating yourself and encouraging yourself gives me hope. Because you are giving yourself what you always needed. It definitely won't replace all the bad experiences and the lacks, but it WILL be"H help you build a better life for yourself. A life that is worth living, and feels worth living. I truly believe you'll get there.
 
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MoMo
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8/22/13 11:10 PM
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Thank you!!
I am trying my best..

I learned with my Chavrusa tonight and Davened Marriv with Minyon -I still feel very down but this story isn't over yet!!!

I FEEL hopeless but things can change.
I am proud that in the midst of a debilitating depressive state that I got out and met with my chavrusa and learned and talked about life.

I even got into fender bender which I'm happy about because I'm engaged in life.

My friend firmly believes that my current depressive state doesn't define me. He says that anyone living alone with nothing to do and with little family support would fall into a depression. I don't have the day to day stuff to get me going.

I will not give up!!!!
Tomorrow is a new day. And in September when college starts I'll have a new beginning.

I will be able to say that in the darkest of times I didn't give up all hope and I did try. I should be proud of this!

My friend likes me and cares about me and I feel the same towards him.

I did not ask for this depression add I don't want it. All I can do is try my best -which I am.

Oy Ribono Shel Olam look at your children trying and trying and trying and trying....
 
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keep climbing
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8/23/13 4:43 AM
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Thanx for your encouraging words. MOmo.\They made me smile this mornng.
 
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TBear
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8/23/13 3:58 PM
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Wow - MoMo ....you are a hero - your persistence is amazing and uplifting....

Keep showing yourself compassion - the better you can comfort yourself - the more likely you will be able to do more....( that is what I have been told, and it works most of the time)

I was not given the tools I needed either - it is a lonely existence, and you are doing so much - the zechus you have when you step out and do what is so hard for you is so tremendous! I admire your ability to keep growing and every step forward is to be celebrated - OK so it is normal to have to fight the old habits - but look how much you have done - and really take in the positive - you are very encouraging to others here - turn some of that encouragement inward.

Thanks for the privilege of having a view of your battle and victories!
 
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MoMo
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8/23/13 6:27 PM
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Thanks for your kind words!

So today was yet another day in bed :'(

I want so badly to get out of this depression but it hasn't happened yet :'(

But Shabbos is coming and I'm going to try my best. There is nothing more meaningful than someone stuck in a depression who tries to get up and get ready for Shabbos and participate in the Shabbos meals and try to elevate themselves just a little through Shabbos.

Do I really deserve to be told that this depression is my fault? And that I will burn in g'henim for this wasted time and dysfunction? A part of me believes this!

Is G-d not the most compassionate being?

I was brainwashed as a child to believe that authority will have no compassion. That I don't deserve love.

But do I want to believe that? Is my cold hearted mother the model I want to have of the world?

I would like to live in a world of caring, understanding, and forgiveness. Where we gently encouraged to improve but not berated for falling.

I have to create a more compassionate vision. This is so hard because it goes against a very core and deeply engrained negative outlook.

I can't change my outlook in a day but maybe I can chip away at it but by bit..

This work is painful but it's pain worth going through...

Have a good Shabbos everyone!!
 
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channafofanna
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8/24/13 11:41 PM
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oy!!! How was your Shabbos?
 
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MoMo
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8/28/13 5:48 PM
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A subconscious part of me prefers being in a depression and sleeping all day instead of engaging with this terribly frightening world.

I wasn't shown love and understanding -subconsciously I expect harsh criticism from others, and I mete out this harshness to myself.

Life is fraught with so much darkness and guilt that I'd rather avoid it by staying in bed.

This is so sad for me.
I am so afraid.
What will be with me?
Will I ever be normal?
 
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keep climbing
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8/28/13 6:07 PM
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Hi, Momo.
Sure, it's easier to stay in bed than get up and engage in this frightening world, as you put it.
I understand you only too well.
But things only get worse if we stay in bed, and they get better if we interact.
It's that push that we have to keep giving ourselves to keep doing, keep interacting, not let this monster win. He doesm't ever really stop, although sometimes it's better.
I wish you the strength to keep pushing. You can do it!
 
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Lasthope
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8/29/13 3:39 PM
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I am glad you are reffering more to your past when writing your posts. It's so true that we are affected by our past. I feel that way too lately, like I have no tools to live life properly cuz I wasn't given them. Just grew up with a nervous wreck of a mother and a dead father.
Your perserverence and strength to keep going and trying no matter what is very inspiring. May this terribly hard challenge end for you and all of us very soon!
 
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