Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

 Tehilim List  < Refresh >
TOPIC TITLE: Physical pain causing emotional distress
Created On 8/22/13 10:30 PM
Topic View:

View thread in raw text format


Mimi1022
Senior Supporter

Posts: 224
Joined: May 2012

8/22/13 10:30 PM
User is offline

Being in chronic physical pain can be very taxing and stressful. I feel agitated and could really use a Xanax right now.

Because of lupus my joints feel as if a sharp knife is going through them. I feel tortured.

I am so worn out from pain.

Tomorrow I am going out to breakfast with a friend. It will be a new day.

Please G-d no more pain.

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/22/13 11:16 PM
User is offline

I have mixed feelings here.
In the one hand you're in pain and I feel terrible about that and I wish I could help but on the other hand you have been so hurtful to people and haven't owned up to it and apologized -so I am very hesitant to be supportive of someone who can be so hurtful and then pretend it never happened.

If only you can find it in your heart to admit that you did something wrong and make sincere amends I would love to be there for you and give you a second chance...

It's sad that you are isolating yourself by not making amends...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

8/23/13 9:42 AM
User is offline

Why arent you answering him? Whats the deal?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

8/24/13 11:37 PM
User is offline View users profile



Edited: 8/25/13 at 5:08 PM by channafofanna
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

8/25/13 12:34 AM
User is offline

Channa, that's exactly the point. FrumSupport should be a safe place! People should feel supported here. If someone comes here and shares their struggles and suicidal thoughts they should receive support, not criticism and name-calling. I personally don't feel comfortable sharing if anyone is free to come here and tell me that I problems are my own fault and that they can say whatever they want to me because it's a "crazy people forum." All of us here deserve to be treated with respect, not labeled and dismissed as "crazy." I want this forum to remain a safe place!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



gad
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

8/25/13 8:39 AM
User is offline

There is more discussion on this topic here:

http://www.frumsupport.com/forums/messageview.cfm?catid=105&subcatname=Mental%20Health&threadid=3423

May we all merit, together with all of klal yisroel, a kesiva vichasima toivo for a good and sweet year
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/25/13 2:57 PM
User is offline

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

8/25/13 5:10 PM
User is offline View users profile

I am so sorry guys. Im so so so sorry. Sorry for being such a jerk and butting my nose into other peoples buisness and making things worse. Im so sorry!!! I shouldnt have butted in to things that I dont know anything about and I should stop trying to figure out everyone elsees problems and solve them and start solving my own problems. I have no excuses. I am sorry guys... Sorry for letting you down. I hope you can forgive me!!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



TBear
Senior Supporter

Posts: 275
Joined: Feb 2012

8/25/13 5:52 PM
User is offline

Channa - there was no way, short of reading every post since you were away - of knowing. Don't be so hard on yourself.

There is validity to the need to have a safe place for everyone....

Don't know if there is a solution when there is no moderator - we all know when we come to this site that it is not moderated - like a support group the cyber world.

It is the parallel of a support group versus a therapist moderated therapy group in person. It is just sad.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

8/25/13 5:56 PM
User is offline

i don't see why one person's insensitive and almost nonsensical comments would make people feel unsafe here. I am very confused
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/25/13 6:18 PM
User is offline

Chana you are a good person who cares so much!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

8/25/13 6:32 PM
User is offline View users profile

obviously not enough =(

Its not about me, is about the fact that I hurt people....
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

8/25/13 9:55 PM
User is offline

Channa, you didn't mean to hurt people! I do think you're caring and sensitive, and a huge asset to this forum! That's the thing about being human. We make mistakes, but we can always do teshuva and make amends. That's what this time of the year is all about. That's why I'm so sad that people would rather leave the forum than try to see each other's points of view and make an effort to work together on making this place safe for everyone. We can do it! We've all said things that were less than kind and sensitive. That's not the point. The point is that we're trying, and we're willing to take responsibility for our mistakes. And if someone is not willing to take responsibility and respond when they're being told that they've hurt someone then perhaps they should just keep quiet.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

8/25/13 9:57 PM
User is offline

And lasthope is right. It's only one person who made insensitive comments. Please don't let one person destroy this wonderful place! We're stronger than that.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

8/26/13 1:22 PM
User is offline View users profile

Dont you see behind my mask? Im not as nice as everyone thinks! I take everyone and there problems and make it all about ME!!! Something totaly irrelevant to me is now all about me!!! Sure I seem nice and sensitive but I am a self centered narcsist who makes everyone take care of me and feel bad for me when things are perfect for me. Im just a drama queen with no right to be on FS because I have no problems, I just make it look like I do. Im a big brat. Dosent anyone see it? Why are you letting yourselves be blinded by my mask? Im not nice, im a sweet talker and a flaterer!!!
There! Ive finaly got it out! Ive been wanting to say this for a really long time but I was scared to let you see the real me. But here I am. A selfish insensitive person. Dont you see how its ALL about me??!?!?! I am the most sly narcisist ever who makes everyone feel bad for me. But guess what? Im just a evil little worm!!! Why dont you people open your eyes and see that instead of the buterfly costume I put on?!?!?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



gad
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

8/26/13 3:18 PM
User is offline

We all share the same inner narcissism. And egotistical nature. And base selfish desires.
It's called the yetzer horo, the evil inclination.

But we also have a G-dly soul. And that is our true essence.

So when you hear an inner voice telling you that you are intrinsically evil, don't believe it. It's not true. The voice itself is coming from the sly yetzer horo. But the Torah of truth tells us that we have a soul that is part of G-d. And that is who we really are.

As i remember it, Rabbi dr twerski once related that, when he was in college, his professor told the class that they should imagine doing depraved things, so that they will realize that they too have evil instincts, and they can get a sense of what their future patients are feeling.
He says that at first he started, and then he stopped. Because he realized that if the Torah tells us to not do those depraved things, then that means that there is a potential and possible craving to do all those things. Otherwise the Torah wouldn't tell us to not do it.

So everyone has an evil inclination. It's normal.
And everyone has the ability to overcome it.

You're confusing the yetzer horo for the real you. It's not.
The real Jew is holy and pure and connected to G-d.
We just need to reveal it.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/26/13 3:42 PM
User is offline

I feel for you!!
Either way you're in a pickle. If you're a narcissist that's not good but if you believe that deep down you're evil and you're just putting on a show... ouch! That's really terrible to be walking around feeling that way!

I have a hunch that while you are selfish and all that you are being overly critical of yourself for it. It's not good to be selfish and a drama queen but it's worse if you judge yourself for it....

I hope my words aren't hurtful i definitely don't want to hurt you. Let me know.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

8/26/13 4:47 PM
User is offline

I second everything Gad said.

As I was reading your post, Channa, I was thinking to myself, aren't we all? Welcome to the club of imperfect human beings. You fit right in .

I don't think you did anything wrong. There are many sides to any conflict. It's not black and white. In this particular case, I still haven't heard Mimi's side, but I imagine it exists.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

8/26/13 5:19 PM
User is offline

Channa, we're all here to support each other, no matter what the situation or story.
Remember that, we're with you and keep posting.
I, for one, always look forward to hear your voice.
Hatzlacha!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

8/26/13 6:41 PM
User is offline View users profile

Who says the real me is my yetzer tov and not my yetzer hora? how do I know im not of a bad essence? And not only do I have a bad essence, but now the only people in the world who might even pretend to like or care about me know it!!!!

Kinda Confused Momo with' I have a hunch that while you are selfish and all that you are being overly critical of yourself for it. It's not good to be selfish and a drama queen but it's worse if you judge yourself for it...."
Care to explain?

Keep Climbing- But thats the point- my voice is just manipulative, and I make you think you want to hear it but really im just being manipulative.....

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

8/26/13 7:28 PM
User is offline

I once heard a moshol by Rabbi Friefeld. He said that all our aveiros are like snowflakes and we can shake them off....(not easily, for sure.) But he meant that the bad is not really part of us and can come off. Our essence is the true neshama that we each have. And that is a fact.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 12:52 AM
User is offline

You say that you are selfish attention seeking drama queen. I don't see that at all but you feel that way.

Let's assume it's true. So what? If I had a daughter that was a selfish attention seeking drama queen who ends up hurting other people what would I do?

I would give her more quality time and make her feel special. I would try to be extra patient with her and help her boost her self esteem. I would buy her nice clothing do that she can feel pretty etc.

Basically what I'm saying is that while it's not good to be a selfish attention seeking drama queen it does not put you on the top ten most wanted FBI list. You make it seem like you deserve the death penalty for needing some extra attention and creating some drama.

It's not such a big deal.

Have some compassion and treat yourself the way I would treat my selfish daughter -with love understanding and lots of attention (and a gentle reminder to care about others too -which incidentally you do seem to already care about others)
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 12:54 AM
User is offline

Besides I bet that there is a good reason for your need for extra attention -it's not coming from no where...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



gad
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

8/27/13 1:01 AM
User is offline

Quote

Originally posted by: channafofanna
Who says the real me is my yetzer tov and not my yetzer hora?
...


The Torah and chassidus teach us that every Jew has a part of G-d, and that is a jew's true essence.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1352
Joined: Jul 2009

8/27/13 11:03 AM
User is offline View users profile

"Besides I bet that there is a good reason for your need for extra attention -it's not coming from no where..."
Yes it is!!! I am a smart funny popular pretty teenage girl with amazing family. im not missing anything in my life yet i still need attention!!! that isnt right....
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 11:39 AM
User is offline

Weren't you suicidal in the past?
Didn't you struggle with feeling that you're not beautiful?
Didn't you say that while you're popular you have almost no friends?
And there's more...

Hmm doesn't sound like a picnic to me
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 11:47 AM
User is offline

See here for a reminder of some stuff in your lifehttp://www.frumsupport.com/forums/messageview.cfm?catid=105&threadid=3172
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 11:53 AM
User is offline

Last year you posted the following:

Its just depressing that my only friends are cyberfriends. If i toldsomeone my password and they kept posting for me , and i killed myself, NO ONE would even notice
Star- dw, empathy is good to!! I apreciate it!! so thanx! but sounds can be deciving =), plus being a giving person isnt good when ur giving urself away till thers no self left...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 12:16 PM
User is offline

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 12:26 PM
User is offline

Quote

Originally posted by: channafofanna
im not missing anything in my life yet i still need attention!!! that isnt right....

I beg to differ

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

8/27/13 6:40 PM
User is offline

Did I go overboard here?
Should I delete these posts?
I'm realizing that maybe it made you uncomfortable.
Let me know since that is definitely not my intention.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Mimi1022
Senior Supporter

Posts: 224
Joined: May 2012

9/8/13 12:12 AM
User is offline

Wow I can't believe it has been since 8/22 since I have been in severe pain!

I am so fortunate I went so long without pain!

I can't stand up anymore. Felt like a weird Rosh Hashana since I could not walk to shul. Or walk at all.
I hate feeling bad for myself but I wanted to write this online so that one day hopefully in the near future I will look back on these days. The day I run a 5k I will look back and smile. But first I have to get up the stairs.
Hope everyone had a relaxing yom tov!


 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

9/8/13 12:45 AM
User is offline

Quote

Originally posted by: Mimi1022
I was in NYC yesterday and went on an hour long run in central park at 6am. I hope to continue and make it a regular habit.

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



toy123
Senior Supporter

Posts: 834
Joined: Sep 2009

9/8/13 12:57 AM
User is offline

Besides for not telling tbe truth maybe ur in so much pain because u hurt so many people on here and didn't ask forgiveness. Maybe u forget but Hashem definitely doesn't forget... Just a thought!!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Mimi1022
Senior Supporter

Posts: 224
Joined: May 2012

9/8/13 1:28 AM
User is offline

Yes, exactly! That is the exact reason for my joint disabilities and kidney failure! Because I posted the wrong post on this website!

Thank you so much for letting me know your diagnosis, I will let my doctor know that the reason for lupus and need for a kidney transplant is actually because of bad postings on a website!

 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



toy123
Senior Supporter

Posts: 834
Joined: Sep 2009

9/8/13 2:03 AM
User is offline

Oh so now u have kidney failure also. What other diagnosis will u come up with. On every thread u contradict urself. One tbread u have lupus the next thread u can't move the next thread ur running for an hour in central park.... Make up ur mind what ur diagnosis is... I don't even want ur apology because ur so sick that it's worthless. You really needa daven hard on yom kippur...


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

9/8/13 3:24 AM
User is offline



Edited: 9/8/13 at 6:42 PM by MoMo
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Mimi1022
Senior Supporter

Posts: 224
Joined: May 2012

9/8/13 8:40 AM
User is offline

Thank you so much for your insights.

Yes, you are correct, lupus is a confusing disease. Its symptoms come in flares, and generally consist of kidney involvement, arthritis, a "butterfly" rash, and other organ involvement. You can research it on Wikipedia if you are so inclined (although my inclination is that at this point you are more interested in picking fights.)

It doesn't really affect me if you believe me or not, because I am not really affected either way by what you say. I don't take things personally (although you seem to have a hard time, in contrast). I thank G-d that no matter whether my illness turns out to be terminal or not, I do not have a severe personality disorder such as you. I am so grateful. I am sure that no matter the anger you express on this website, it must surely affect those around you. Hopefully this year you can continue to work on your anger and resentment issues, and I sincerely wish you all the best.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

9/8/13 9:38 AM
User is offline



Edited: 9/8/13 at 6:40 PM by MoMo
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

9/8/13 10:08 AM
User is offline



Edited: 9/8/13 at 6:41 PM by MoMo
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



gad
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

9/8/13 1:56 PM
User is offline

I sent an email to the administrator regarding this latest flare up.

People, really. It's between rosh hashono and Yom Kippur. It's a time when the entire Jewish nation needs rachamim
(mercy) from G-d and from each other.

Let's please try to hold our fire, and just wish each other good things.

Gemar chasima toivo
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Dr. Lynn, Psy.D.
Psychologist

Posts: 914
Joined: Feb 2005

9/9/13 1:37 PM
User is offline

Agreed. I think it is so important to maintain dan l'chaf schus. I assume that if people are posting here, they are in pain and looking for support. Sometimes being in pain eclipses our ability to be sensitive to others. I think we can all relate to that.
a lynn
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

View thread in raw text format
FORUMS > Depression < Refresh >

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.