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TOPIC TITLE: Victories IV
Created On 9/22/13 4:45 AM
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MoMo
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9/22/13 4:45 AM
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The Victories III thread was getting too long so I started this new one.

I invested over 3 hours into college work tonight.
I exercised discipline in my eating habits.
I went brisk walking for an hour.
I expressed my true feelings to my mother and sister.
 
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MoMo
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9/24/13 4:03 PM
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I exercised discipline by going walking.
I showed up to college.
I had a yom tov seuda.
 
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gad
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9/24/13 4:58 PM
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Thank you for the good news.
 
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mouse
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I cooked for Yom Tov. I got adequate sleep (a problem in the past.) I found something to do with my kids so Chol HaMoed wouldn't be so boring (2 days were spent with docs because my kid hurt herself.)


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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TBear
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slept a full night, made Challah, went to work, exercised, davened - even did the hoshanos beating stuff :-).... said goodbye to the sukkah... family meeting to address consideration of others and lashon hara....

dealt with/ faced some tough stuff in therapy yesterday.... watched a family movie and painted with my kids this week..... Oy Veh, and now to cook and do the eruv tavshilin - physically tired, emotionally drained, but good... Baruch Hashem

Have a date on Sunday - really nervous/ scared and excited - but patting myself on the back for being courageous enough to even allow him to fly in to see me - (wish me luck) Chag Sameach!
 
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MoMo
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9/25/13 3:53 PM
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Wow!!!!!!
T-bear you're amazing!
Just remember to relax a little too.
 
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TBear
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MoMo - actually you have been an inspiration to me.... and you are right - relax....

Sometimes I get into running from the inner emotional turbulence by just staying busy (I am a workaholic/ perfectionist at times) - the relaxing will come on Yom Tov and I hope the inner sadness and anxiety doesn't overtake me......

Take care and keep in being the insightful inspiration you are!
 
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HopefulMommy
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9/25/13 4:58 PM
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Good luck, TBear! If he's the right guy for you then he's very lucky!
 
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TBear
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9/29/13 10:04 PM
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Victory - I went through the whole date - and it was a major BOMB

but I keep telling myself that it takes courage to keep trying when I wonder why - how pathetic is that...

P.S. - thanks hopeful mommy and MoMo for the support.....



Edited: 9/30/13 at 2:53 PM by TBear
 
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MoMo
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9/30/13 7:26 PM
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Oy!
I'm so sad to hear that the date didn't go well :-(
Did you learn anything from the experience?
 
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TBear
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I learned that someone can speak well - but until you see them in real life situations, then you haven't even begun.

I learned that my extreme loneliness can make me smooth over warning signs and even question if I should just give up hoping for someone who will be kind, respectful, and hold by Torah. Not such a long or picky list - but I already know that the wrong person is worse than no one, therefore I still have work to do on myself to stay firm......

I learned that it is important to find out if someone does what is right only if rabbis are watching, or all the time... This can tell you whether someone really believes that Hashem is there and interacts with us..... we do what is right simply because it is right...

I learned that if I do not have someone right now - then Hashem must have something else in mind for me.... maybe I am being tested to see if I will give up, or trust in G-d....

I learned that it is getting harder to choose not to be stuck in the disappointment, sadness, and stress giving in to dysfunctional thoughts... harder to keep moving forward and actually function for another day - with a smile and thankfulness - the longer this goes on, the more times I am built up just to drop down once again, my endurance is waning;

Then my son tells me, "... but eema don't you always tell us that means there is something to be learned or an even better situation is just around the corner, that G-d takes care of us in the way that is best for us whether we understand or not.... " Odd to hear my own words coming back to me - have to say this has been one very long corner! So I learned that if you teach something and live it - your children will internalize it and hold on even when you feel too weak to continue holding on.


Edited: 9/30/13 at 11:19 PM by TBear
 
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HopefulMommy
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10/1/13 1:52 AM
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That's inspiring, TBear! Hope you meet your bashert soon!
 
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alharro
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TBear - Great that you keep your priorities set - wishing you the best .
 
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MoMo
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I threw myself completely into college studies -I admire someone who works hard.
I exercised discipline by doing today that which I can push off to tomorrow.

I am pushing forward in spite of debilitating depression. It takes grit.

I am so far from where I ought to be yet in my own small ways I do great things..
 
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alharro
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anyone know of homeopathic medications that works for bi-polar ?
 
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MoMo
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I exercised discipline by investing time into studying.
I went to an individual therapy session.
I asked my parents for money (it took some courage).
 
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toy123
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I opened up to my therapist about a very intimate thing and it was only my second session!!! I decided to take the risk and it was worth it. I do have doubts if this is a victory because I tend to open up to people very quickly and "spill my guts out" but I do feel this is different because she was already briefed about this issue from my previous therapist and it was weighing heavily on me....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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TBear
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Wow - that is a victory Toy! So happy it is working for you - was davening that it would.

MoMo - great job.... I could use a bit more self discipline....

It was a victory to just get up and start the day today for me.
 
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I'mTrying
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I am inspired by all of you.
MoMo, I am especially struck by your consistency in finding victories and things to be grateful for in the midst of your depression. That takes a lot of courage and inner strength.
Thank you to all for keeping the victory thread going
 
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MoMo
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10/4/13 8:58 AM
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Thanks for that feedback!
 
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MoMo
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I studied for a long time yesterday.
I ate some healthy foods.

I resisted temptation when a girl who isn't good for me tried contacting me.

I pushed myself to function despite very little sleep.
I tried to move ahead/forward.
 
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MoMo
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I invested time and effort into my college studies (I made modest progress).
I davened Mincha and Marriv with minyon.
I put on Tefilin.
 
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wishtobehappy
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Great victories everyone! It's encouraging to read. Keep it up!
 
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MoMo
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I used all my energy to not succumb to depression and stay in bed.

I invested time into studying -it took discipline.
I did it imperfectly.

I eased my college load even though it's hard to admit that I can't handle a full load (hopefully it will give me time to learn and daven more and socialize).

I went totally out of my way to go back home to put on Tefilin.

I went to talk to my Rabbi who is sometimes source of strength to me.

Would it be fair to call someone who's done these things "worthless"?
 
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toy123
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MoMo ur an inspiration to me. I wish I was as strong as you are.


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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MoMo
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10/9/13 1:44 AM
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The thing is that I didn't mention all the bad stuff like that I didn't daven at all today. Nothing.
I dropped out of a college class.
I woke up at like 11:30 am
I ate very very unhealthy foods. I gained weight
The list goes on.....

But this thread is where I'm working on trying to acknowledge the little positive i do.

You also did some tiny tiny positive things today you just haven't gotten used to acknowledging them YET...

 
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MoMo
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10/10/13 12:01 AM
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I met up with a friend.
I studied.
 
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channafofanna
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yay MOMO!!!!

I posted on FS!!!!
I considered going to therapy (considered, not really doing it, btu tthats progress)
 
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MoMo
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Welcome back Channa!!

I learned with a Chavrusa (it was very hard due to depression and social anxiety). From a Judaism perspective this was an act of mesiras nefesh and has unimaginable value.

I called a classmate who recently got engaged to wish him mazal tov.

But what I'm so thankful for is that despite being in a severe depression I did try to do things to help myself.

I called the organization relief to get a recommendation for a new therapist.


Edited: 10/14/13 at 12:14 AM by MoMo
 
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channafofanna
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=)
great job Momo! It makes me feel like I should do something when I hear all the bajillions things you do. Keep it up!!
 
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MoMo
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I initiated a conversation with someone I don't know and it went well b"h.

And Channa, I really don't do all that much. It sounds like a lot because I am cherry picking the few good things I do and posting those in order to help me focus on the postive.
Believe me I am not accomplishing much these days. In fact I haven't left my apartment all day..


Edited: 10/15/13 at 12:14 AM by MoMo
 
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channafofanna
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yeah, but at least you have the ability to cherry pick.... Depression gets rid of that for me...
 
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MoMo
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I forced myself to get out of bed today.
I learned with a friend.
I davened.
 
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mouse
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10/23/13 2:21 PM
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got up


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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TBear
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Began learning "Duties of the Heart" this Shabbos with a friend.....
 
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mouse
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TBear, I think that's great. I learn with my hubby on shabbos after the meal. He then learns with our kids. He keeps the ruchniyos in the house I guess. Anyhoo....my accomplishment is that I got the number to be menachem avel somoeone. Will be calling them in a few minutes I guess.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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Momo, how are you doing?
I miss your input.....
 
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MoMo
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Hey Keep climbing you brought a smile to my face :-)

I'm chugging along trying to stay afloat...
I fall again and again but try to pick myself up anyway..

I don't post anymore because things got very quiet around here...
 
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keep climbing
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Yes, it is very quiet here. I hope that means that everyone is o.k.

B"H, I had a nice week. I hope the early night won't be a problem. I love the sunshine. ( I use a light box.)
 
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channafofanna
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I did a report for college that I was really confused about and i handed it in without worying about failing... =)
 
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MoMo
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Great job Channa!

Does the light box make a real difference?
 
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MoMo
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P.s. Channa I'm very curious what grade you'll actually get can you let us know?


Edited: 11/4/13 at 10:48 AM by MoMo
 
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mouse
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I went out to eat with a friend and told her how I really felt for once. She knows I've been hospitalized before but didn't know things were getting really bad for me again. It helped a little venting.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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I think the light box helps. Anyway, it's the easiest intervention----not expensive, either, compared to everythging else.
 
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MoMo
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Keepclimbing, thanks for sharing that.
Munkster why are things being worse again?
 
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mouse
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Getting worse again cuz the pain is eating away at me....didn't help that my t broke her leg and isn't able to see me for a while.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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Oy!
How was your day today?
 
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mouse
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Considering that yesterday was supposed to be therapy day, pretty bad, but I got through it. I rode the wave (of emotions) and resisted the urge to call the substitute therapist who I don't know. Glad I did. I feel stronger this morning (emotionally) than before.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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mouse
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Yesterday I spoke withmy son about a friendship of his that wasn't working out well. My son had complained the kid was doing mean and sometimes hurtful things to my son. I coached my son how to confront the kid who lacks social skills and explained why it was important to spell out specific indients with this kid. My son came home. He had confrtonted the problematic kid in a quiet place (as I told him) explained the problem behaviors and that they could not continue in the context of a friendship. The child apologized profusely and said he'll try not to do those things again (the kid is very concrete in understanding....he may do something else, but those things he won't.) My son came home feeling much more confident about his ability to solve interpersonal issues and I felt relief that he won't be a doormat forever. I feel like I intervened in a situation using my special ed skills and I helped save a friendship. I'm soooooo happy right now for that.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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wow that's awesome!!
 
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