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TOPIC TITLE: Only He can help me
Created On 9/29/13 2:36 PM
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Lasthope
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9/29/13 2:36 PM
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Hi,
So I'm kind of writing just to get my thoughts down. I'm not really sure what I want to say, but there is something. I feel that I've come to a dead end with my search to feel better.
I tried medication, TMS, talk therapy, cranial sacral therapy, and grief therapy. Nothing cured me. I can't continue with grief therapy because it is too difficult for me. It releases tons of anger and I don't know how to control it, so then it gets lashed out at my innocent family. I give up.
I'm now just trying to steer clear of negativity, keep my head above water, but most of all talk to Hashem and ask Him to heal me. TO make me feel better.
You may disagree with me and say, "you need to take medication"... or "try more therapy" or whatever. But I literally have no more koach to go in that direction. All my hishtadlus has brought me no relief. I am left with just clinging to my creator and begging Him to just release the demons from my mind. Is this crazy?
 
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MoMo
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9/29/13 3:25 PM
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Are you sure you gave grief therapy a fair chance?
A few weeks ago it sounded like it was hitting the right spot.
Maybe it takes time to work through the anger until it subsides and then you can find some peace.

I may be wrong I'm just throwing it out there.
 
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Lasthope
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9/29/13 3:46 PM
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I think the four sessions i had were enough. The last one i went back to the car accident and watching my father die and relived all the trauma and cried my eyes out. I think i got out what i needed to and now im done. Now just waiting for a miracle. Hashem hurts us but He can also heal us
 
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HopefulMommy
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9/29/13 6:16 PM
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(((Hugs)))

I don't think it's crazy. Maybe you just need a break, stop thinking about what to do next, and just let things be.
 
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Cutiestarr
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9/29/13 6:23 PM
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I understand how you feel. I also did very itense therapy for a few months. It was too much. It was free, but I quit
 
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keep climbing
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9/29/13 7:12 PM
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Oy, Lasthope, it's so tough to feel like that.
I think it's normal to "go crazy" with these intense therapies. I definitekly do, and have to pull back many times.
A suggestion--Would it help to ease up on some of your household duties? I find that reducing the pressure is a huge help for me.
Also, excercise.... a light box.......
But don't give up trying. Just take a break, like Hopeful says.
 
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Lasthope
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9/30/13 3:05 AM
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I'm trying to get myself into an exercise routine...its taking time. DUnno where I would even get a lightbox..
As for household duties, I just don't know what kind of help to get. I have some cleaning help, but that's about it. I guess I need to hire more babysitting help..
 
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TBear
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9/30/13 7:06 AM
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Lasthope - so sorry you are having this struggle.....

Wow - I have tried backing off with therapy before and just talk to Hashem in my own words - or write prayers to Him and it does help - but I didn't drop the therapy totally - only used it as the "back up" to Hashem's healing - another "sounding board" to ground me from time to time as a type of reality check. Backing off of the household stress and duties, journaling and exercise have helped as well.

Something that got me through some rough feelings (that frankly surprised me) was art therapy - just drawing within a circle anything that comes to mind then figuring out what each color or shape brings up in my thoughts/ feelings - just another way to express fury or sadness or loneliness or frustration and tumultuous ambivalent feelings. Anything goes from simple geometric shapes that are colored in to an ocean or fire or .... the creative outlet helps release some neurochemicals that help and it also releases the emotions helping with integration and understanding when processing it afterwards (my therapist ended up going to consultation to help us process the art work)....

Anyway - it felt odd to begin with, but really helped me through some stuff I couldn't express and get through otherwise.
 
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MoMo
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9/30/13 9:05 AM
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Lasthope, I hear you!
We're rooting for you!
 
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Lasthope
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9/30/13 3:45 PM
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Thanx! Tbear, its interesting u mention ar therapy because im actually very into art and have a talent for painting and stuff like that. I even studied Judaica art and calligraphy. I have sucha need to express myself through my art but feel completely stifled in that area. I feel that i dont have the right structure for it, not to mention that its hard to find a time to actually do it. But its all excuses.. Really need and want to get the art going..
 
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alharro
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9/30/13 3:50 PM
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Last hope, not sure if it talks to you , but have tried music therapy - has done lots to express feelings and thoughts , and can be adjusted to fit the mood you are in , similar to art but does not need the commitment to finish something for satisfaction.
 
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MoMo
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9/30/13 7:18 PM
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Lasthope,
How was your day (rather night since you're in Israel)?
 
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Lasthope
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10/1/13 2:12 AM
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alharro,
I also play the guitar a little bit. I am waiting for my guitar to be fixed adn then hope to get back into it. I wish I could take lessons but not extra money for it. My problem is that I am so hard on myself, that I get frustrated when I can't complete something.
Momo,
My night was ok. basically slept the whole time
Today I am going back to work, tutoring in a seminary. It's twice a week, very low key, but still stressful cuz I feel that I have to feel all put together and stuff. Wish me luck!
 
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MoMo
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10/1/13 8:07 AM
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May you have much success and things should just start working out for you already!
 
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alharro
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10/1/13 8:57 AM
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lasthope,

wishing you all the best, music has that plus that you can just play a little - not having to finish a whole project !
 
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