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TOPIC TITLE: Social Difficulties
Created On 9/30/13 7:39 PM
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MoMo
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9/30/13 7:39 PM
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I had a terrible Yom Tov partially because I was a guest for all the seudas and it was difficult because I felt the need to be witty and sociable but couldn't live up to that so I felt excruciating shame.

I have this belief that it's terribly shameful to be socially awkward. If I am less then perfect socially I just can't stand it and my brain thinks that everyone is looking down at me. I feel excruciatingly ashamed.

I don't know how to change this belief -nothing I tell myself works. Therapy isn't helping me with this.

Have any of you ever had a negative belief that simply would not change?
What should I do?
 
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keep climbing
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9/30/13 8:00 PM
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I'm quite aa bit older than you and still have a hard time with this.
But lately I've tried to relax and just tune out, and it sometimes works .
Keep trying to relax.
Some people who seem so socially savvy are really very unhappy inside.
And many people are quiet. It's just that we don't hear them.......
 
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MoMo
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9/30/13 8:32 PM
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Thanks for sharing that.
Does it cause you to avoid social situations?
Have you always had this problem?
 
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keep climbing
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10/1/13 10:44 AM
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I always felt socially awkward.
As for shunning social situations, that depended on my state of mind. If I was depressed, yes, I would stay home. Otherwise, I went.
 
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Cutiestarr
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10/1/13 12:47 PM
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I just have one question: how do you know for sure you are "socially awkward"? Maybe ask someone who can give you their honest opinion, if you know of such a person.

I know people who are truly socially awkward. They have no idea they are and frequently make others incomfortable just because of their lack of social cognition. I think there is a difference between being truly socially awkward (ie you do not understand social cues) or feeling slightly uncomfortable when approaching people you don't know or being in new situations.

I feel the same way sometimes but I find if I fake it and pretend I'm not uncomfortable, it'll come naturally eventually

I hope this helps.
 
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keep climbing
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10/1/13 1:09 PM
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Right you are, Cutiestar! I am just uncomfortable in social situations. I never say anything that will hurt anyone, I think. I'll err on the side of caution and say nothing. Hence, the quiet.
 
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Lasthope
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10/6/13 2:48 AM
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I think the depression makes people feel socially awkward and it's part of the disease. When I am very depressed I can barely speak. When I am not depressed, I am great at making conversation and communicating in a very sociable way. it's like I have two personalities. Unfortunately, I've been mostly depressed in the recent times so I'm almost forgetting what it's like to just be comfortable with myself and other people.
Momo,
I wish I had some advice for you, but all I could say is, I'm with you!!
 
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