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TOPIC TITLE: Venting
Created On 12/5/13 7:18 PM
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MoMo
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Joined: May 2009

12/5/13 7:18 PM
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Struggling a lot with worry about my future. I am not yet comfortable with myself so I isolate and waste time and then I feel guilty and unproductive.
I am worried because I can't function up to par. I require more sleep than usual and get very tired very quickly. I get overwhelmed easily and have difficulty with many aspects of life. In addition I have trouble focusing and I have a HORRIBLE memory.
This scares me.

I am not open with shadchanim about these issues and I don't know if I can disclose this to a girl I'm dating.
I don't think I can hold down a job successfully I don't think I can be comfortable socializing.
It freaks me out that I'll never be normal :-(

I have too much spare time on my hands and don't know how to fill it. I used to be more resourceful in finding solutions to my problems but I feel like I ran out of steam.
I don't want to do anything other than sleep.

I feel all alone in life. I see only problems and difficulties.

Therapy seems to have maxed out it's potential. Group therapy is slightly helpful but not nearly enough.

Every day is a fight again and again and again and again.
Life moves on. People move on. I'm still stuck.

It's scary that I can't think straight. I can't focus. I'm scared and depressed and worried and lonely.

Life feels hopeless right now. I just can't do it any more.
 
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keep climbing
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12/5/13 7:49 PM
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Momo, Ugh! It's awful to feel so down. Remember that it isn't always so bleak, and it WILL pass iy"h.
Hopefully very very soon.
 
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MoMo
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12/5/13 8:09 PM
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I took some Klonopin and I sat down to brainstorm some possible steps to take to move forward. I'm thinking of going to watch a movie later just to distract myself but I feel guilty about it -maybe I'll do it anyway.
I feel desperate to change things. My therapist says to try to change myself instead of outside cosmetic changes. If only it was that easy :-/
 
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TBear
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12/6/13 7:44 AM
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Don't have much to say but I hear you.....

Yesterday, my therapist told me that he could have all the empathy in the world for me - but until I showed myself some, then it would do no good. OUCH

Wouldn't it be great if it weren't such hard work!

Take care of yourself - keep trying, one step at a time.
 
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Lasthope
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12/7/13 11:27 AM
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Momo, sounds like you're suffering from severe depression (duh). I'm so sorry about all the pain, and I really know what u mean. I am finding that at this point, after therapy for 15 years plus other intensive therapies, especially in the last year, nothing seems to work besides medication and specifically SSRI's. They are the only thing that have worked for me in the past. You sound like a great guy and very honest with yourself, and you shouldn't blame yourself for any of this. It's not your fault. My hypothesis is that growing up with all the mental stress, our brains were rubbed the wrong way, or to put it more bluntly, severely injured. We need to get them better, to get those synapses firing, the right chemicals moving around. I think medication is the main way, but exercise also helps. Was there ever a time in your life that you just felt good, like just felt like yourself?
What medications are you on now, if you don't mind me asking?
 
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