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TOPIC TITLE: Let's get the conversation going
Created On 12/5/13 8:14 PM
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MoMo
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12/5/13 8:14 PM
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So here are some questions to y"all:

1) What are the significant things going on in your life right now?
2) What's been on your mind lately?
3) What are you looking forward to?
4) What are you scared of?
5) What are you proud of?
6) What do you want to know about other's here?
 
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Lasthope
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12/6/13 3:24 AM
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I'm curious what other medications people are on, and if they help them. Also, what side effects they get?
My life right now is survival each day. As a mother of 4 with severe clinical depression, I await relief, and sometimes get it for a few hours or a day if I am lucky. But then any small trigger sends me back down. Usually its something my kids do that will upset me and the emotional stress is too much for me to handle, so my brain goes back to depression mode.
My goal each day has been: get through the day. I have succeeded and done even more, like laundry, dishes, supper, keeping everyone basically entertained etc. I try to get out a bit, go to shiurim, and go to the park sometimes to have some social life but its very minimal. I have no interest in calling relatives and friends. If they call me, I force myself to sounds interested and happy. Sometimes there is a bit of relief because my mood will lift a little bit and it's those sparks that keep me going, where i tell myself "remember that you actually felt good and interested in life. you are gonna have that again". so it keeps me going.
I am forming a depression support group in my city, and so far have five people interested plus a social worker who is willing to facilitate the group. We are working out logistics and hopefully gonna start it soon. I'm proud that I was eventually able to get this going. I'm terrified I will never get better or that it will take many more years. WHen I feel better, its like puzzle pieces fall into place. My life makes sense and I just feel like a person again. It's all I want, the only thing I desperately want.
Thanks for asking Momo. WHat about you?
 
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TBear
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12/6/13 7:38 AM
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OK - Wow what a list of questions MoMo - another great idea....

LastHope - I am on St. John's Wort - it helps - only side effect is sensitivity to sun - and sun block/ sunglasses takes care of that. Also - if it helps - sounds like you really have it all together.... know it doesn't help when you are "screaming" inside - no I feel awful.....I get that - so sorry, wish I could help

MoMo's questions:

What is going on in life - just getting to the next day usually - supporting 6 kids still, trying hard to enjoy my children and grandchildren (hate when the sadness or numbness gets in the way of this), privileged to have a demanding job that is wonderful in the community, no time, no money, no energy, no one to care for me or help....so what has been on my mind is how to break out of this trap of nothing but doing - not really being

I rarely look forward to anything - because what I would look forward to I also am usually afraid of. Social situations - connection, although I need and yearn for - I am also terrified of.....

Don't feel proud of anything really

How do others find a way to let others in to their lives - get past the isolation, fear of acknowledging to others in the community that there is this deep sadness? Is there a way without ruining shidduchim for yourself or family members? If it is not our fault - it is the result of others' cruelty, then why do we end up having to shoulder the pain of it with no emotional support - just avoidance when someone finds out......




 
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Lasthope
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12/7/13 11:46 AM
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Tbear, I totally hear you. Depression is hard enough as it is, and then there's the isolation which compounds it. That's why I really want this support group...I'm hoping it will help relieve some of the extra pain...
Is St. Johns wort natural? I've heard of it, but never tried it all these years, just went to the stronger meds, which are terrible with side effects. Seems like you have lots to be proud of, raising 6 kids is great in itself. You hold down a job, and also sounds like an important one. I know what you mean about the numbness. It's really tough.
I keep hoping things will get better as the kids get older. They are all so young, four under age 8, and sometimes it feels like I'm taking care of four babies at once which is brutal. But I know depression is what makes everything tough. It's a mask of sadness that blurs reality.
 
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TBear
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12/7/13 7:57 PM
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Yes, St. John's Wort is natural - you have to get a high grade - and it is hard to find kosher "vegie caps"... But since I do not have health insurance on me that will cover mental stuff - well it was the only choice. But it does help.

4 children under age 8 is a major challenge no matter what is going on - try to get support from others and remember to take care of yourself as much as is possible - sleep (yeah right!) OK - I joke about still waking every 2 hours at night out of habit and my youngest is 9 now. The physical energy required at the stage you are in is tremendous, so be compassionate with yourself! As they get older - the physical energies transform to more emotional turbulence..... then.... finally, the chuppah, please G-d, and you really never quit giving to them - it is just different.

I actually took St. John's Wort the first time - and it helped then as well - when I had 6 kids under 12 - I actually have 7 kids but only one is "raised" and out of the house - but even then she needs me for support from time to time -
 
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channafofanna
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12/8/13 6:09 AM
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1) What are the significant things going on in your life right now?
Strugling to hold on
2) What's been on your mind lately?
suicide
3) What are you looking forward to?
nothing... thats my problem
4) What are you scared of?
living.
5) What are you proud of?
the fact that i survived until now...
6) What do you want to know about other's here?
How do you deal? its so hard... How do you hold on so strongly and for so long? Wil I be stugling the rest of my life?

Momo- what are YOUR answers...
 
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MoMo
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12/8/13 3:34 PM
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T-bear, is there anyone in the community that you can be open with?
In any community there is a percentage of people who are kind and understanding and there is also another percentage of people struggling themselves. If only you can somehow identify other people who you can be open with. It sounds like the isolation and secrecy is eating away at you..
And T-bear, I am proud of you!! You have gone through so much and you keep on going and you are thoughtful, kind, soft, etc..

Channa, I don't know what to say. It sounds so difficult!!
I'm with you in the pain!

LastHope, I hope the group is successful! Keep us posted! We are with you!!
 
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MoMo
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12/8/13 3:52 PM
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1) What are the significant things going on in your life right now?

Dating (Or not dating).

2) What's been on your mind lately?

Dating.
I don't function up to par. My focus/concentration is very poor. I need a lot of sleep. I get overwhelmed easily. I wake up late.
Who would want a guy like that?!
I am being suggested good matches but I'm having difficulty bringing myself to give a yes. I just don't see anyone really accepting me with all the issues.
I'm sad

3) What are you looking forward to?

I need to work on this.
I'm flying to Miami later this month. That should be an experience. But I'm not really looking forward for some reason. I guess I don't think that I"ll enjoy it.
I'm looking forward to a happy marriage someday (with hashem's help). I'm looking forward to being a parent someday (although I'm dreading it as well).

4) What are you scared of?

That I'll never get better. That I"ll never get married. That I"ll become old and lonely and weird. That I'll get married and be unhappy. That I wont be able to support a family. That I'll be very poor. That I'll die with a ton of regrets. That I'll waste my years away.
Oy Vey.

5) What are you proud of?

That I keep on pushing forward. That I am generally a good-hearted person. That I care about others. That I can get decent grades at school. That some people accept me.
That although I don't function up to par I am not dysfunctional. I dress well. I have my own apartment. I am in school part time. I learn with a chavrusa sometimes. I try to Daven Mincha/Marriv with Minyon when I can. -that took (takes) a lot of work and I fall short very often :-(
 
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channafofanna
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12/9/13 9:49 AM
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thanks, but really im ok...
Regarding dating- just want to say that not everyone is looking for someone perfect. Im looking for someone with a limp or stutter or went OTD or was sick as a teen. Nobody is perfect so it dosent make sense to expect their spouse to be perfect... Not all girls are looking for perfect guys. Only the shallow ones, and I dont think a shallow girl would be so good for you... It may not be on anyones list to mary somoene who sleeps a lot, but many people are looking for someone who keeps pushing foward, has agood heart and cares about others and is working on themself.... (not to mention all of your other qualities...)


Did you skip " 6) What do you want to know about other's here?" on purpose?
 
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mouse
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12/10/13 8:56 PM
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I keep looking at this post and get overwhelmed. Too many questions and too many answers. I will try to take a bite out of it tomorrow. In the meantime....what am I proud of??? Y kids. They can curse like sailors (they know the words) but ddon't use it. It's a matter of pride with them. They take having a clean mouth and mind very seriously. They may stink in school but their middos are really quite good.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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HopefulMommy
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12/11/13 2:42 PM
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Channa, (((hugs))). That's really hard! I like your positive spin on what you're proud of, and I agree that just staying alive is a huge accomplishment.

I'll try to respond about myself later -- too many questions at once . But one thing I'm working on is lowering the dosage of meds. It's exciting, but scary.
 
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mouse
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12/12/13 4:19 PM
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Channa....in regards to dating....you need the perfect guy for you. No guy is perfect (much to MoMo's chagrin ) Everyone has some fault or another. Some are more obvious than others. It's just how we deal with our spouse's imperfections (and perfections) that make a marriage -- how one compliments and builds on the spouse's abililties or lack thereof. For example, I shop like a two yr old for food. My husband is really good at food shopping and does it every week. But, oy, may we all be protected if he comes in contact with a screwdriver...I wear the toolbelt in the family LOL. Between the two of us (and a cleaning lady occasionally) we have a functioning household .

What am I proud of? Hmmm, my kids. They may not be students but they are good kids with good hearts. And when all is said and done, their behavior ben adom l'Makom and l'chaveiro is what counts to me. I'm also proud that I'm still here and haven't fully succumbed to depression.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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keep climbing
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12/12/13 5:12 PM
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With me, I can give you a different answer every day, acccording to my mood. If I feel truly down., I won't answer because then i 'll withdraw big time. Sometimes I can't even talk to my kids. If i'm feeling better, I can tell you that I'm proud and grateful that I'm still here-I say shehechiyanu at every Yomtov with real meaning. I'm also proud of whatever good I was able to do, with my kids, grandkids, relatives, friends, students......
 
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feelingawful
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12/14/13 6:49 PM
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Depression sucks like hell, it's a huge deal to wake up every morning with a smile and get dressed, it's so hard just every little thing you do. Depression is a mental illness that ruins your life daily. I hate it help!!!!
 
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mouse
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12/17/13 8:20 AM
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What's on my mind: You want to know the truth what has been going through my head the past few days??? My kids are getting braces (at the same time, cuz that's just a twin thing to do ) I'm thinking about what kind of mushy foods I can make for the next three days. I have lists in my head of mushy foods I have to buy for them. It's so stupid and funny at the same time. I just feel so badly for them.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Lasthope
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12/17/13 9:54 AM
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applesauce, yogurt, jello.......good luck!
 
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