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TOPIC TITLE: Why do I refuse to accept this?
Created On 12/17/13 1:54 AM
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HopefulMommy
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12/17/13 1:54 AM
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I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. He was running behind schedule, and the waiting room was filling up. I found myself cringing every time the door opened, afraid that it would be somebody I know. Why do I still feel this way? I've been seeing psychiatrists and therapists for many years now. Why am I so embarrassed and afraid to be seen? Why can't I accept the fact that I have a mental illness? Why do I feel like a second class citizen?
 
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MoMo
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12/17/13 2:14 AM
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It's a very personal thing and I suspect that you accept it but simply know that the world at large hasn't fully accepted it. Don't beat yourself up over it.

p.s. it's great to hear from you again! Are you back back?
 
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mouse
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12/17/13 5:02 AM
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HM....I know what you mean. Just remember though that if the other person admitted to seeing you there then they have to explain why THEY are there. Equally embarrassing unless they are a renowned nebach case...in which case...my condolences on the loose nut. Anyhooooo, you mental illness doesn't define who you are. You are many things...you just happen to have a mental illness...a small part of you. You happen to be one of the most down to earth ppl I know. I really like your insights and support. I really do see mental illness as a really really small part of you. You may want to let the psychiatrist know how you feel confidentiality is kinda given up when waiting in his waiting room for a while. Perhaps you could call in advance to be sure they are runnng on time. Your concerns are very legitimate. Most psychiatrists I know leave a few min. between patients for that reason. And if not they usually have a back exit for ppl leaving (whihc helps partly.) Also, so if someone knew you saw a psychiaatriast...so what??? If they stop being friends, they never were friends. Maybe something good would come of it. Maybe you'd get a new source of support. You never know.

Glad to see you back. We missed you A LOT. I think of you when you don't pop in.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Lasthope
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12/17/13 6:04 AM
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I know too well what you mean. Despite the many efforts, the stigma is still strong as ever. I wish going to the psychiatrist could become as accepted as going to the GP or pediatrician. I wish I wish I wish.
 
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toy123
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12/17/13 6:11 AM
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I already am at the point that I don't care. Well maybe that's not entirely true... I know I'm crazy and it is impossible to hide my issues from the nosy people out there. They're gonna find out sooner or later. Yes it probably deep down does bother me cuz they probably look and treat me differently. But is there a different choice??? They won't accept you because ur different....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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keep climbing
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12/17/13 6:34 AM
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I think I am past caring, as well. This whole mess is not my fault- not the crazy childood, or my depression. I'm finished with feeling bad or guilty about it. (I hope.)
 
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mouse
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12/17/13 8:15 AM
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The deal is tho folks, you're calling yourselves crazy. YOU"RE NOT. If you were crazy you'd think you're sane...like ME . HEHE. Seriously though, I don't care anymore either. Maybe it's because I've come to terms with the fact that I need some help and if someone doesn't like because I GOT help, it's their problem, not mine. Seriously, anyone who thinks less of me cuz I see a therapist or psychiatrist isn't anyone I really want to know or care about. I'd cut them out of my world.


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All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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Lasthope
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12/17/13 12:11 PM
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munkster, well said
 
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HopefulMommy
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12/17/13 12:15 PM
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Thank you for all the kind words and support! I guess I'm wondering if I myself look down at people with mental illness. Is that why I'm so embarrassed by it?
 
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Lasthope
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12/18/13 10:49 AM
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Hopeful, that is very insightful and you may be right. I think I have the same problem as you. Once we completely accept it as an illness just like any other, we won't be as "embarrassed" by it. Its an avoda.
 
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MoMo
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12/20/13 12:21 AM
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Is it really an illness just like any other?
To me it seems so much different.

Also what do you guys mean when you say that mental illness is stigmatized?
For me the issue is that I can't be open about it because people will think less of me but isn't it true that I am functioning less? So won't they be correct to think less of me? or maybe not?
I'm confused
 
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keep climbing
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12/20/13 5:50 AM
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Who's to judge which person is more valuable than the next? Only Hashem knows our true struggles. All we need to know is that WE ARE ALL VALUABLE.
Being created btzelem elokim is enough to make us valuable. We each have a pure neshama that is a chelek elokim mimaal. This neshama is always pure, and our sins are like snowflakes that we can shake off. And they are caused by this difficult galus.
Sorry for the speech! But these spiritual thoughts keep me going more than anything else.
 
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MoMo
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12/20/13 2:21 PM
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Keep the speeches coming!!
The natural trusting and spiritual child that I used to be was crushed so I'm not that spiritual but I try to be...
 
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MoMo
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12/20/13 2:23 PM
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Shabbos is special for me. I try to pick myself up a little on Shabbos...
 
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HopefulMommy
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12/20/13 4:20 PM
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Yes, keep the speeches coming! Thank you, keep climbing!

I think having a mental illness is a lot like being poor. Like it or not, we have to rely on other people to help us when our own resources run out. Just like it's embarrassing to ask for charity, or to accept hand-me-downs from complete strangers, it is also embarrassing to ask others for help or avoid certain situations because of mental illness.

Does that makes us second class citizens? Are the poor second class citizens?
 
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Lasthope
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12/21/13 11:24 AM
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MoMo, yes it is like any other illness. It's only different because it all goes on in the brain and therefore affects our whole existence, because the brain is the most important organ in the body. Its a stigma because people can't see it so they don't believe it and somehow classify those with mental illness as "crazy". I'm not thinking so straight right now so I can't seem to explain myself.
I think Keep Climbing said it beautifully, people shouldn't judge each other, only Hashem knows our struggles and our true values. So so true. I wish the world was clear enough that we actually lived by those ideas.
Hopeful, the poor analogy is interesting. Something about it does make sense, but not all of it. Not sure. Back to Keep climbings attitude of all of us being valuable, then there is no such thing as a second class citizen. Is someone with cancer comparable to a poor person because they have to rely on others for help? ANyone with an illness needs help. Just because it's a mental illness, its worse?
 
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MoMo
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12/21/13 3:03 PM
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I relate to what you're saying HopefulMom.
I feel that way all the time. My resources in the emotional department are limited and I do need to rely on others...
I don't have the luxuries that others have of say going to a simcha where I don't know anyone.. Many aspects of life that others take for granted are a huge struggle for me.
These are the cards I was handed in life.

I just spent Shabbos at a relative's home which I HATED!! Its awful to have to be a guest so often but that's my plight at this point in life. Poor people hate handouts :-(
Maybe it's better than being totally alone.
 
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HopefulMommy
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12/21/13 11:23 PM
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I'd probably feel the same way if I had a physical sickness, c"v. I like being independent, and hate feeling like a burden.
 
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Lasthope
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12/22/13 7:14 AM
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so I think the poor analogy goes for all sicknesses. When we are ill, wether its mental or physical we need to depend on people more. Its just a world of give and take. Sometimes we are givers, sometimes we are takers. Depends where we are in life. If we have chronic illness, we are takers more often and it's hard. It's hard to have to take so much. But we are actually also giving by letting people give to us. It's just how Hashem created the world. Accepting our place is just a part of it.
 
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channafofanna
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12/22/13 9:43 AM
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((((((HUGS)))))) to all...
 
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HopefulMommy
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12/22/13 11:10 AM
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Very true, Lasthope!

Channa, so nice to see you back! And thanks for the hugs.
 
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MoMo
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12/22/13 11:24 AM
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Very well said, last hope!
 
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Lasthope
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12/22/13 1:54 PM
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thanx!
 
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