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TOPIC TITLE: I don't think I want to get better
Created On 12/25/13 10:13 AM
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I'mTrying
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12/25/13 10:13 AM
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Exactly as stated above. I haven't been feeling terribly depressed for a couple of months. I should be thrilled.
Instead, I want to get off the meds.
Please don't tell me I'm afraid to get better, That depression is more comfortable for me etc etc
I want to feel. And I'd rather have really bad days than just being. Existing. Feeling deadened.
????
What do you guys think?
 
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Lasthope
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12/25/13 10:25 AM
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I think you are feeling stuck, not better and not worse. Mild yet still painful depression? Is this true?
 
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MoMo
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12/25/13 9:52 PM
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I've heard about this phenomena quiet a few times. The way I understood it is that as emotional beings we have a need to feel deep emotions. They give us a sense of vitality and makes us feel alive.

Ideally this need is achieved through feelings such as being deeply in love or feeling high over accomplishments at work or by losing oneself in a satisfying hobby or by feeling the deep joy of giving to others etc. etc.
Basically all the positive emotions that make life worth living.

When we're stuck and for whatever reason can't access those feelings we lose vitality and feel like zombies. IN THIS REGARD pain starts looking like an attractive alternative.

I'm trying, It sounds like you've made some progress in that the depression has lessened I guess you haven't yet reached a point where you feel vitality from positive emotions....

Am I making any sense?
 
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mouse
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12/26/13 12:35 PM
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I think, MoMo, you make sense to me. I never understood it well until now.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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I'mTrying
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12/26/13 1:00 PM
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Makes so much sense. And speaking as a "borderline" who has always felt everything VERY deeply, this feels like a loss... it's my identity. Or at least it feels like it is. Like I don't feel alive anymore. Ironic, isn't it. When all i could think of was not wanting to live, I was more alive than I am now.
 
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MoMo
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12/26/13 2:20 PM
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Perhaps work on getting to those positive emotions.
There has been some research done about a state of mind called "flow". it's when you are deeply engaged in something to the point of losing yourself in it. People report very high levels of joy from this they feel like they are transcending everything around them. An example would be a musician engrossed in playing the violin or an artist painting a mural etc. But even a college student putting together a good essay etc. basically any challenge that you put your full mind into and can get lost in creating something....

As someone who cares really deeply I guess I'm trying to say that perhaps see if there is any way to figure out a way to access a positive fulfilling emotion. I know it sounds much easier than it is...

just a thought...
 
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