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TOPIC TITLE: its a bumpy road
Created On 1/7/14 5:17 AM
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Lasthope
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1/7/14 5:17 AM
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Ive spent the morning in bed while all of my kids are out at school/babysitter. i just couldnt do anything today cuzz i feel down. not suicudal or anything just not interested in anything and frustrated at myself for having this stupid disease. therapy turned into couples therapy which has turned into a disaster. i started a support group for Gs sake, i have strength and i have will to fight. but the monster is too strong for me. sometimes im so sick of fighting. i will stay in bed until i have to pik up my baby and feel aweful at what a waste of a day... what little accomplishments i have for myself. getting the kids out in the morning and doing some dishes is NOT enough. theres so much to do but it all lies sleeping as i am sedated from this black dog monster
 
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keep climbing
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1/7/14 12:02 PM
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(((HUGS))))Hope you're feeling better now.
\Sometimes it helps me when I read something I wrote earlier.
I saw that you wrote on 12/22 "It's so painful, but then we beat ourselves up for it too." So maybe thinking that you recognized that in s/one else. you'll recognize it in you.
 
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mouse
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1/7/14 4:47 PM
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I ditto the hugs, LH. I know the feeling when it's just hard to be...to struggle just to be. It gets better at times. Try to remember those moments when it is better and hang on to the hope it will get better again.


-------------------------

All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.
 
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MoMo
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1/7/14 5:00 PM
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I too beat myself up when I under-accomplish (aka get stuck in bed).
But keep in mind that It doesn't happen all the time. It's not your fault it's a byproduct of depression. You'll probably see better days ahead. It's enough that you're in pain from the depression... ok so you were in bed therefore what?
 
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Lasthope
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1/8/14 1:35 AM
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Thanx guys for ur support. i ended up forcing myself out of bed 20 min before i had to pick up my baby and decided to organize my room a bit cuz it was a mess. when things are neat it gives me a little more peace of mind. that action helped me get thru a bit better. was still tough but managed to get supper on the table and keep the house together somewhatt. I think im also really stressed out cuz my husband is traveling out of the country for work for almost two weeks. hes leaving motzei shabbos and im just dreading it. i agreed to let him go when i was feeling a little better. now my mood dropped and its too late. im gona have some help from his family but its just never the same. you guys are right this will pass but how to get thru it?????
 
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keep climbing
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1/8/14 5:40 AM
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Wow! That's major! No wonder you're nervous!
Can you call one person every day to check in with and hold oon to? (Like a mentor/buddy)
It has helped me to survive very difficult times.
Hatzlacha!
 
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Lasthope
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1/8/14 7:35 AM
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right now i don't have anyone like that in my life. I only hold on to Gd for dear life. Although my grip feels like it's slipping.
i will talk to my husband every day, i have friends and family, but noone knows what I'm going through inside. And I'm sick of sharing it with them cuz they don't really understand. THis is like one of those downhills on a rollercoaster where you have to hold on so tight and just close your eyes till you get past it. But I'm thinking of reconnecting with a mentor of mine who I used to talk to a lot. I havent spoken to her in almost a year. Maybe I will call her and ask her if I can call her every day.
 
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MoMo
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1/9/14 1:16 AM
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Can you Skype your husband when he's gone? It might help a little more.
How are you doing LastHope?
 
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channafofanna
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1/19/14 9:27 AM
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Did you get in touch with your mentor?
 
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Lasthope
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1/19/14 10:03 AM
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Nope, as each day passes farther from the last time i called her it becomes harder and harder to call
 
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channafofanna
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1/20/14 6:00 AM
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=( Im sorry...
 
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keep climbing
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1/20/14 5:57 PM
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I woke up at 3 a.m. today with a urine infection. I was in so much pain, and so hurt that Hashem keeps throwing things at me that I feel like I can't handle. I stayed in bed until 10, which is terrible for me. I know I'm not allowed to stay in bed, but I just couldn't get up. Finally, my husband, who is a tzaddik, convinced me to go down, and the day wasn't so bad in the end. But the hurt continues-why do all these things happen when I'm so weak to begin with???
 
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Lasthope
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1/21/14 1:25 AM
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Keep climbing, ((((hugs)))) thats really hard.... i know what you mean and its just aweful. Rught now my only consolation is gam ze yaavor this too shall pass. Refuah shleima.
 
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keep climbing
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1/21/14 6:55 AM
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Thanx, I feel better today, b"h.I heard this line that I like-We don't get what we deserve, but what we need to serve!
 
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