Login
Questions or Comments!
admin@frumsupport.com

Get FrumSupport News! Join our mailing list.
Email:


Search

Navigation:

 Tehilim List  < Refresh >
TOPIC TITLE: stepping out of my comfort zone
Created On 1/28/14 7:06 AM
Topic View:

View thread in raw text format


Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

1/28/14 7:06 AM
User is offline

Stepping out of my comfort zone - i try to do it a lot bcause thats the only way i keep going. Sometimes its a success and sometimes its a humiliating failure. But i still do it. A couple nights ago i joined a womens basketball group. They are serious players and i decided i wanted to play again. I used to be really good (many years ago) and wanted to go back to that exhiliration of succeeding at something and also get the exercise. It wasnt easy and i was hands down the worst player there. But, it was my first real game in 8 years and i did make two shots over three games. I even got a couple rebounds. It was uncomfortable but fun at the same time. The medication is helping me push myself and i hope i can continue and not fall back down in the terrible hole of despair. Im going again tonight and i hope that im a drop better. I hope i can push away the feelings of shame, worthlessness etc and just be myself. Its a scary world.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

1/28/14 7:14 AM
User is offline

Wow that is huge!!

I personally try not to push away the negative thoughts but to just continue on DESPITE them and also over time to allow the negative thinking to exist but not to take the thoughts so seriously. This seems to be working somewhat for me....

Best of luck!!

P.s. is your husband back yet?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

1/28/14 7:20 AM
User is offline

Thanks...you are up late yes, my husband came back Friday B"H.
You're right, pushing the thoughts away never really works. gotta ride the waves...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

1/28/14 2:25 PM
User is offline

I stepped too far out of it...
my mood dropped even more tonight so i canceled going to play tonight and the lady who organizes the games made me feel really bad about it. I feel horrible, ended up spending the evening crying to my pillow and feeling totally worthless. Thats whay happens when u take chances. Thats what happens when you have no stability. Ypu cant make normal plans, cant join groyps, make friends, live life... its not normal.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



gad
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1458
Joined: Jan 2006

1/28/14 2:37 PM
User is offline

It's not easy

Hope to hear good news
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

1/28/14 6:53 PM
User is offline

Oy that's terrible.

The organizer who made you feel bad has no idea what you're going through!!! That's why you can never judge people - she might've been much worse off than you if she were going through a fraction of what you're going through!!!

You are doing more than you're best considering what you have to put up with...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

1/28/14 11:49 PM
User is offline

(((Hugs))) That's very brave of you to try. And it's very hard to make commitments when you lack stability. Sorry it didn't work out this time. Maybe you can try again when you're feeling better. And I agree with Mono. The organizer has no idea what you're going through.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

1/29/14 3:31 AM
User is offline

The problem is most people dont know what im going thru and its like the world is this trigferland for me. So how am i supposed to get out and live with "normal" ppl who dony realize that im super sensitive . Its like i need a sign hanging on me that says "i have bipolar 2. Be careful what you say around me." That would surely ward off everyone wouldnt it? So sick of this struggle.... anyways going to pdoc tonight probably gonna add a mood stabilizer... unfoetunately i dont have much hope anymore though... Gd has totally abandoned me...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



HopefulMommy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1612
Joined: Nov 2005

1/29/14 12:06 PM
User is offline

(((Hugs))) Good luck with the pdoc!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



wishtobehappy
Senior Supporter

Posts: 836
Joined: Aug 2011

1/30/14 3:09 PM
User is offline

lasthope, just wanted to say I understand. Been there done that, and it's very, very painful. I've come to the conclusion that most people, through no fault of their own, will never know what it feels like, and only Hashem can really understand what you're going through. Hope you find relief from this agony soon.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



I'mTrying
Senior Supporter

Posts: 407
Joined: Dec 2008

2/1/14 10:17 PM
User is offline

Lasthope you are one brave woman for stepping out and putting yourself in a new scary situation. Kudos to you. I just want to chime in with the others that ppm don't know how painful it is for you, us, and everyone else suffering from any MI...
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/2/14 1:37 AM
User is offline

Thanx Imtrying and everyone for your support
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

2/7/14 6:11 AM
User is offline

Lasthope, How did the week go? What's happening with your support group?


Edited: 2/7/14 at 6:17 AM by keep climbing
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/7/14 7:59 AM
User is offline

Hi thanks so much for asking. Its been up and down but bh feeling better since yesterday morning. Im on lamictal now as well as cipralex. I tbink its helping me but made my appetite sky rocket. We eent to see a psychologist this morning for my daughters bathroom problem so i hope we are in the right direction. The suport group is dtill going on but its really small and trying to get more ppl..how are you doing?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/12/14 9:47 AM
User is offline

Hi guys, check out this email i wrote to the basketball organizer lady . She hasnt responded yet...let me know what you think...

Hi (her name,)
Be prepared for an e-mail you did not expect to receive.
I've been wanting to come to basketball for the past couple weeks on Tuesday evenings, but I've been stopping myself. The reason is because the night that I canceled on you three weeks ago something happened that has affected me. I couldn't make it because an emergency came up and I emailed you a half hour before the game. You then wrote back without knowing if it was a real emergency or not, and proceeded to tell me that when I cancel, I ruin it for the nine other people, and that you told someone else that they did not have to come because they found a replacement (I assume you were trying to emphasize the importance of not cancelling) and asked me to call you so you could explain this to me. I called you and told you that I couldn't come and then hung up and cried for the next hour or so.
What was this emergency that came up?
Well, let me start by explaining it like this. I suffer from Bipolar 2 illness, and in addition have been going through an extremely difficult Postpartum Depression for the past year or so since my fourth child was born.
I have been working really hard to regain myself, and also to find stability. One of the ways is through exercise and trying to get fit again. So I signed up for the gym here in RBS. It's been going ok, but standing in the same space of 4 feet for an hour moving my body to music is hardly like the thrill of running across a field and kicking a goal in soccer, or bouncing a ball across the stadium floor and shooting a basket. It may be hard to believe but when I used to play sports I was always the one getting most of the goals, picked first for the teams in school, rollerblading, biking, and all over the place. Looking back I have realized that my Bipolar 2 began to set in during my second year of high school when I stopped playing sports as much, and having that important outlet of exercise and success.
It took me 15 years to realize that I truly need sports as an outlet, and I need to feel good about using my body with the talents Hashem gave me.  About 9 years ago, I organized with some other women a basketball group in Beit Shemesh, but only ended up going once or twice because I was too unstable to commit while dealing with my first episode of PPD, and too out of shape to push myself to practice and regain what I lost. I think the group stopped after a few months.
So recently my friend told me about a group of women who play basketball, and she urged me to start going to get back into it. I was scared because it's been sooo long, but I pushed myself to do it anyways, hoping that it would only be a positive step.
It was hard, and humiliating, but it was a step in the right direction. Unfortunately at the time I was just about to start a new mood stabilizer and was still struggling with severe mood swings. That was one reason I didn't want to commit to playing, but because of the urging of my friend and the desire to want to play so badly, I still tried. The Tuesday after my first game on motzei shabbos came and as the day went on, my mood began to fall. I tried stopping it, hoping and hoping that it would just go back up any minute. By the evening, it plummeted into a terrible place that doesn't usually happen so quickly to me. This was akin to falling and breaking my ankle or something like that. It was an emergency. But since mental illness is unaccepted and stigmatized I couldn't even explain myself.
Now that I clarified for you what happened, I'd like to say that I know that there could have been no way for you to know what I am going through and you don't even know me (although we used to communicate a lot by phone when I owned the RBS Views for four years). I am not putting any blame on you in this situation, because I know you only meant well for your group and maybe even for me to know that there are rules about canceling.
I am also only writing this, because I respect you as a writer, as a mother, and as a positive influence to frum Jewish women. 
I was so badly hoping that basketball for me would be a good outlet, but instead it became a painful experience every Tuesday evening realizing that my illness is getting in the way of being myself and doing what I love.
I know you don't owe me anything, and you have plenty of women to fill your games. But, I ask you to be a bit more sensitive, a bit less harsh, and give a second chance to one woman who is looking for an outlet that will help her defeat her illness. 
All the best,
my name
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

2/12/14 3:39 PM
User is offline

I love the honesty. The more honest we are about mental illness the less stigmatized it'll be.

I hope she responds positively - not everyone does....
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/12/14 3:45 PM
User is offline

I hope so too. She still ahasnt responded yet and its late alreadt. The other few times i emaiked her she responded within minutes... i cant believe i opened myself uo to someone who hurt me. Im scared that she wont even write back. Thats my worst fear
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



keep climbing
Senior Supporter

Posts: 704
Joined: Apr 2013

2/12/14 7:20 PM
User is offline

Lasthope, I think she will respond, just thinking about what to say.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



I'mTrying
Senior Supporter

Posts: 407
Joined: Dec 2008

2/12/14 10:01 PM
User is offline

I found this a very sensitively written and inspiring email. I agree, I think she will respond and is just thinking about what to say. That being said, even if she does not respond, it is very possible that it is having an effect on her in a way that you may never know about. (positive way)
Thank you for sharing.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

2/13/14 12:59 AM
User is offline

I've had situations in the past where I was open to people and they didn't know how to handle it. Like you, I felt rejected but the truth is that many people DO know how to handle it so if this person can't handle it that's their problem!

She may or may not respond but who cares? That's HER issue she might not know how to deal with difficult situations or she might not know what to say or maybe she just isn't such a nice person. Either way it's about HER not about YOU. You didn't do anything wrong.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/13/14 1:22 AM
User is offline

She didnt respond. In fact she even sent out another email to the group asking whos gonna come play motzei shabbos. I feel ignored and humiliated
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/13/14 3:51 AM
User is offline

Ok she did respond in the end. Kind of distant and technical but slightly sympathetic although if i told her i had cancer she probably would have had a conpletely diff response.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



pie
Junior Supporter

Posts: 7
Joined: Feb 2014

2/13/14 2:00 PM
User is offline

could you write back and tell her that if you said you had cancer she would have responded differently- just to prove your point?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



Lasthope
Senior Supporter

Posts: 514
Joined: Feb 2013

2/13/14 2:06 PM
User is offline

No i think ive gone far enough. Ppl dont get it and wont grt it unless they go through it. Also in a few years mental illness awareness will probably be much higher. One day she will get it.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1351
Joined: Jul 2009

2/16/14 9:16 AM
User is offline View users profile

Give me a V-I-C-T-O-R-Y
You did great!!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



I'mTrying
Senior Supporter

Posts: 407
Joined: Dec 2008

2/28/14 4:05 PM
User is offline

Sooooo
With all my body and social issues, I am considering goin to a women's spa night sponsored by a local organization. I'm really nervous!
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



MoMo
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1497
Joined: May 2009

3/1/14 7:35 PM
User is offline

Did you go? How was it?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



I'mTrying
Senior Supporter

Posts: 407
Joined: Dec 2008

3/2/14 10:27 AM
User is offline

It's on MOnday. I don't think I'm gonna go. Too much.
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     



channafofanna
Senior Supporter

Posts: 1351
Joined: Jul 2009

3/3/14 9:24 AM
User is offline View users profile

any chance i can convince you to go?
if you dont go can you make your own spa?
 
Reply
   
Quote
   
Top
   
Bottom
     

View thread in raw text format
FORUMS > Depression < Refresh >

Navigation:

The information in this site is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. FrumSupport disclaims any liability for the decisions you, the User, makes based on information on this site. By using this site, reading, viewing, posting or otherwise, you signify your assent to the Terms and Conditions of Use. If you do not agree to all these Terms and Conditions of Use, please do not use this site. FrumSupport may revise and update these Terms and Conditions of Use at anytime. Your continued usage of FrumSupport will mean you accept those changes.

If you think you or someone you know has a medical emergency, call your doctor, Hatzolah or 911 immediately. FrumSupport cannot and does not monitor forums and postings and cannot and will not pro-actively obtain help for users in need as FrumSupport does not have the funds or people power to accomplish such tasks and it will infringe on the anonymity of each user. Therefore, FrumSupport’s liability is limited by this paragraph and as further set forth in the Terms and Conditions of Use.