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TOPIC TITLE: I HATE life and myself!!!!
Created On 2/10/14 1:01 PM
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toy123
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2/10/14 1:01 PM
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I really hate life and I'M DONE!!!!! Every but every step of the way to my recovery is going wrong!!!! I'm getting knocked down the whole time even while trying so hard. I can't anymore!!!!!! Can anyone give me some chizuk please????????? I would really appreciate answers....


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Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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MoMo
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2/10/14 3:29 PM
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Oy!!
What about the recovery is going wrong?
I really feel for you!
 
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alharro
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2/10/14 4:23 PM
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toy123: feeling your pain ! and hope you will get thru this down. the road to success is always full of potholes, every up is something to be proud of and should be put in the back mirror where it is visible and can be seen when you go thru a down to give yourself chizuk that YOU really are the best and have overcome a lot of struggles - i have used this in the past and although it doesn't always help it show me at least that the down wont last forever. wishing you really all the best
 
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keep climbing
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2/10/14 5:25 PM
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((((HUGS))))
What's going on?
 
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Lasthope
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2/11/14 8:50 AM
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Toy im sorry ur going thru such a rough time. I know wat u mean that u feel like u keep getting knocked down on your road to recovery. I feel the same way on many days. I feel angry at Gd many days for all the pain he gives me and others like you who are suffering so much. I wish i could give u chizuk and have the right words to say but all i can say is please keep holding on...
 
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toy123
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2/11/14 1:15 PM
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Thanks all for answering, I really appreciate it. I'm not doing too well, but I'm trying to keep it together... Gotta run now!!!!


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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toy123
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2/12/14 1:09 PM
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How is one supposed to feel when people are constantly dismissing your feelings????? All my life growing up my feelings were dismissed not acknowledged, said they were wrong and now I feel like it's begining to happen again.... What am I supposed to do, feel? How am I supposed to react?


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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keep climbing
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2/12/14 7:18 PM
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Who is dismissing your feelings?
 
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I'mTrying
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2/12/14 10:03 PM
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I am sorry for you toy, it sucks when people who are supposed to be helping end up hurting. I ppersonally am working on trying to validate my own feelings because it seems i will never be able to get what I need from another person. ... Its very difficult.
 
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channafofanna
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2/16/14 9:15 AM
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If there was an emoticon for sympathy, I would use it now..
((((((HUGS)))))))))
One coment- you asked how you are "supposed to feel". No such thing. YOu feel how you feel, ur not supposed to feel any specific way....
 
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I'mTrying
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2/17/14 8:33 PM
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How do you feel Toy?
 
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MoMo
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2/17/14 9:55 PM
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Yeah I was wondering the same thing
 
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toy123
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2/17/14 10:07 PM
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Sorry for not updating you guys I'm actually not doing too well and it seems as if no one cares because whomever I try to contact just has a different excuse why they can't help me....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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I'mTrying
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2/19/14 5:48 PM
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We want to help you!
We are here for you and care deeply.
(((HUGS)))
 
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channafofanna
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2/24/14 6:18 AM
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Once again, I agree with ImTrying =D
 
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keep climbing
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3/26/14 5:54 AM
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Toy, how are you doing?
 
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toy123
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3/26/14 9:17 AM
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I'm not doing so good. Things are tough. My road to recovery is very bumpy... I wish things would be easier....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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MoMo
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3/26/14 10:27 AM
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I know what you mean toy
We're rooting for you!
 
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toy123
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3/26/14 10:50 AM
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Thanks MoMo!!! How you doing yourself?

I wish I could get ideas on how to smoothen out the bump....


-------------------------
Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will follow you.

Sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me tight and say "I know you are not".

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy.
 
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MoMo
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3/26/14 4:01 PM
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Which bumps are you are you facing now?

I'm doing better than I was a few months ago and better today than I was two weeks ago. I'm not where I want to be but what can you do...
I'm definitely trying my best. I was given a very difficult life. By default my day to day's mission ends up being to overcome the abuse I went through and to trust that my parents were wrong for making me think that I'm defective.

I went on a first date recently with a really amazing person that I liked a lot but the feedback from the other side wasn't so enthusiastic. The self loathing part of me kicked in. Thoughts like: you're defective no one will want you. You're dumb. You don't have personality. Your're not good looking. Your'e boring. You have so many issues there's no way a normal girl would ever go for you. etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc.
Were going out again but I dealt with this shadchan many times before and can read her very well. I can tell that this is a courtesy date. I feel stupid about myself. I feel like a loser.

This is the first time that I feel like I want it to work out but I know that it wont because I'm just defective. I'm so pissed off!!!!
 
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keep climbing
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3/26/14 5:20 PM
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Momo, you are a bright, caring, wonderful person, and it's that little voice in your head eating you up.

Toy, maybe you could share some of what's happening so we can be there for you.
 
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